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Thread: Nepenthes seed available (freebie)

  1. #25
    I am a CPaholic... DJ57's Avatar
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    If my above post does not make you laugh, maybe this one?

    A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
    stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy
    yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly
    silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to
    him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The
    bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a
    black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde
    and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a
    pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell
    that joke?"

    The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
    explain it five times."

  2. #26
    hcarlton's Avatar
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    First, for qualifications: I have currently a number on Nepenthes seed batches, with species such as N. naga, N. jacquelineae, and N. pectinata sprouting. Now, for a few funnies:
    Two men walk into a bar. Ouch.
    There is one very big difference between men and women. Men can go to bed and wake up looking exactly the same, ready for a new day, never having to worry about styling hair or trimming eyebrows or makeup. Women go to bed looking great, but somehow mutate during the night.
    Married women always seem to end up larger than single women. Here's why: a single woman will come home from a long day of work, look at what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home from a long day of work, look at what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
    I don't have ADHD, I have ADOLAS: Attention Deficit- OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!!!!!

    Sing along:
    Hey, honey have you gained some wieght in your rear end?
    The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend.
    And where'd you get those shoes, I think they're pretty lame,
    Would you stop talking, 'casue I'm trying to watch the game!

    If you're a man who wants to live, a long and happy life,
    these are the things you don't say to your wife!
    Last edited by hcarlton; 08-18-2012 at 02:03 PM.
    Everything has a reason, whether big or small. Never underestimate the power of what is or is not.
    There is far more to everything than meets the eye.
    Growlist

  3. #27
    INFECTED Rball's Avatar
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    A 5th grade teachers last day so a few kids in class get her gifts.
    One student stands up with a bunch of flowers and says my dads a flourist so i got you flowers.....
    Second student stands up and says my daddy works constructions so we made you a bird house.....
    Third student stands up with a cardboard box that appears to be dripping from all four corners......

    Now a teacher who likes her wine imediatly recognizes the kid whose parents own the local wine a liquer store. she then grabs the box and says let me guess, takes a taste of the dripping liquid and says Merlot? the boy says no guess again, so she takes another taste and says, Champagne.....Boy replies no guess again.....at this point the teacher is literally licking the box and says i give up......

    The boy replies ITS A PUPPY!


    I have experience growing Lowii and Lowii X's however not from seed, I have grown actually 3 Ventricosas from seed and i started with 5 seeds. HAHA this is a good one very original and thanks for the offer

  4. #28

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    The not too bright bank robber tied up the safe and...

  5. #29
    Sundrew's Avatar
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    I have no experience with Nepenthes seeds, so I'm not entering the contest. I am enjoying this post quite a bit, though, and will add a few jokes.

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Lil' old lady.
    Lil' old lady who?
    Stop yodeling.

    A blond decides to do a puzzle. She pours out the pieces, but is having quite a bit of trouble putting it together. None of the pieces seem to fit. She calls her boyfriend and asks if he can come over and help her out. He says he can and asks what the puzzle is supposed to make. She takes a look at the box and responds, "A tiger." He hurries over, takes a look at the puzzle and says, "Honey, put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

  6. #30
    roxorboxor's Avatar
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    This is something I feel like my really bad 12th grade teacher told us one day (he had a few of these):

    Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

  7. #31
    Whimgrinder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rball View Post
    The boy replies ITS A PUPPY!

    I have experience growing Lowii and Lowii X's however not from seed, I have grown actually 3 Ventricosas from seed and i started with 5 seeds. HAHA this is a good one very original and thanks for the offer
    Well, with that one I have to declare a winner, since Ryan's was the first and only post that actually made me laugh. (the others were great fun, but none that actually made me laugh, so...EDIT: as I was composing this closing post, Sundrew submitted an excellent blond joke and that one also made me laugh, but Drew said he isn't looking to claim a prize. Drew: read on.)
    Cthulhu138's offering was respectable! Dionaea's was quite excellent indeed, but unlike Chibae, my coffee stayed where it belonged: in my mouth. Butch's delightful tale was highly entertaining (and on-topic!), but didn't quite hit the bullseye. Florist Friars indeed! DJ's blonde joke was also quite good, but for me, it wasn't quite a coffee-spitter. And DJ, if it makes you feel any better, I cannot count the number of times I have bought/acquired seeds of all manner of wondrous things, raised the seedlings, and only when they were weeks or months old, realize I'd raised weeds. You're not alone, dear ;-)

    So, Ryan is the winner of the N. ventricosa X lowii seeds, so Ryan, please PM me with your mailing addy. Now here comes the fun part: consolation prizes!

    The following five runners-up (and you all made a fine effort, so thanks) gets a consolation prize if they want it: Cthulhu138, Dionae, Av8or1, Chibae, and Sundrew (if you want some: best blonde joke ever) the consolation prize is one seed pod of another Nepenthes hybrid I am harvesting this coming week, N. ventricosa X (thorelii X aristolochioides). To claim your prize, PM me with your mailing address info (I'm sending to US addresses only, just so we're clear on that), and sometime next week I expect to be mailing out seeds from this cross. This hybrid's merit will be its ease of growth and loads of pitchers at all times, I expect. They may not have the exotic charm of a Briggsiana, but I think some of them will make very respectable plants well worth having.

    Thanks for playing! Giveaway now closed.
    Paul

  8. #32
    I am a CPaholic... DJ57's Avatar
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    "Its a puppy!" also made me roll on the floor, congrats to Ryan and the runners-up. All good jokes that made my day better.

    Growing weeds, LOL, done that too. Thanx Paul for such a fun giveaway thread.

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