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Thread: English language

  1. #1
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

    The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

    Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

    Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

    By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

    Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

    If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

  2. #2
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    ROTFLMFAO!
    17 Nash Rd.
    North Salem, NY 10560

    YOU! Outta my gene pool!

  3. #3
    7santiago's Avatar
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    ok i undrctand yu prfectly ziz iz a gud idia [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img]
    Mens Et Manus

  4. #4
    chloroplast's Avatar
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    That is hilarious.....or, "zat is hilarius". [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_n_32.gif[/img]
    Secretary, New England Carnivorous Plant Society (NECPS) http://www.necps.org/
    Member, International Carnivorous Plant Society (ICPS)
    Member, North American Sarracenia Conservancy (NASC)
    Member, The Carnivorous Plant Society (CPS)

  5. #5
    7santiago's Avatar
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    hey jimscott, kan i print ut a copi of ziz and zow it tu mi ingliz klas? [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_n_32.gif[/img]
    Mens Et Manus

  6. #6

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    FOUR ALL WHO READ AND RIGHT:

    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
    but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
    yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
    If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
    and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
    why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

    Then one may be that, and three would be those,
    yet hat in the pl! ural would never be hose,
    and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    but though we say mother, we never say methren.

    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
    but imagine the feminine as being she, shis, and shim.

    *************

    Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up
    speaking English:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it
    was time to present the present.
    8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a
    bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into! the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

  7. #7
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
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    [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img]

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    sounds like german to me
    i love welding

    and of course CP's

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