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An honest questions from a guy for all the girls

  • Thread starter fc3srx713b
  • Start date
so girls/ladies what do you concider cheating? i wanna ask this not because im going through this but a very good friend of mine (guy) had problems with his gf and they broke up. somehow the girl always asked him "what do you concider cheating?"

i know that a girl has a diff definition of "cheating" than a guy does. guys seem to be more protective and jelous* than girls but then theres alway the one thats seems to be like the guy, protective and jelous*

also, please, guys, post what you think also. i hope this conversation doesnt get heated up....
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My opinion is that people engage in consensual relationships, the terms of which are unique to every relationship. "Cheating" would be a violation of the agreement between the two, whatever it is, and whatever form it takes. In relationships, there are written agreements (marriage), spoken personal agreements, and tacit (unspoken) agreements. Violating any of these would be cheating. Obviously, in the latter category, misunderstandings of the tacit agreements are the cause of a lot of arguements!

Capslock
 
There's no "guy definition" and "girl definition". It's totally individual.

I think Capslock summed up cheating perfectly.

If you're asking what agreements we personally prefer... hmm, I guess for me cheating would be if the other person had some kind of contact with someone else that was romantic and/or sexual. I think that covers it. Things like "flirting" or whatever aren't a problem if none of those feelings exist behind it. And then it's the feelings that are the real issue, not the action.
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] (endparenthesis @ Nov. 03 2005,9:04)]... hmm, I guess for me cheating would be if the other person had some kind of contact with someone else that was romantic and/or sexual. And then it's the feelings that are the real issue, not the action.
u say "contact with someone else that was romantic and/or sexual" and "feelings that are the real issue, not the action", what about those people that commit thoes actions, mostly sexual intercouse, and say it was just sex, and theres no connection, such as feelings between the two?
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] (fc3srx713b @ Nov. 03 2005,12:19)]u say "contact with someone else that was romantic and/or sexual" and "feelings that are the real issue, not the action",  what about those people that commit thoes actions, mostly sexual intercouse, and say it was just sex, and theres no connection, such as feelings between the two?
That's why I said "and/or"... but I can't really disconnect sex and emotion, and I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who could disconnect the two in the first place.
 
yeah thats true put there are people like that, and i dont mean hookers!
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]and say it was just sex

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All I can do is just shake my head... There's no thing as "just sex." And no, being wasted isn't a very good excuse. I've heard all of this sort of garbage before (luckily not in any of my relationships...)

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]but I can't really disconnect sex and emotion, and I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who could disconnect the two in the first place.

I was glad I read this before writing something to the exact same effect. lol Seriously, if your friend had a girlfriend like that then I'd be CHEERING for him right now, wishing him good riddance of that girl (and somehow the word "girl" in that sentence is written with uttermost disgust. lol...)

Being overly controlling is one thing, but what's the POINT of having a relationship if you're a person like your friend's girlfriend?? I'll never get it, I'll just neeeever get it.
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Est @ Nov. 03 2005,10:54)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]and say it was just sex

confused.gif
All I can do is just shake my head...  There's no thing as "just sex."  And no, being wasted isn't a very good excuse.  I've heard all of this sort of garbage before (luckily not in any of my relationships...)  

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]but I can't really disconnect sex and emotion, and I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who could disconnect the two in the first place.

I was glad I read this before writing something to the exact same effect. lol  Seriously, if your friend had a girlfriend like that then I'd be CHEERING for him right now, wishing him good riddance of that girl (and somehow the word "girl" in that sentence is written with uttermost disgust. lol...)

Being overly controlling is one thing, but what's the POINT of having a relationship if you're a person like your friend's girlfriend??  I'll never get it, I'll just neeeever get it.
yes est, there is NO EXCUSE just how you stated.
there are people like that, hoodrats, h*es(sorry for this), ect. and i do feel sad for thoes people...
im also NOT targeting just girls, there are guys to that do this too because i think guys have a hard time hidding it.
im so glad i wasnt brought up in a environment like that. im happy to say that i am in a relationship that isnt like my friends. the girls was cool but it seem pretty funny that she would pop that question every once in a while...

just what endparenthesis said, "but I can't really disconnect sex and emotion, and I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who could disconnect the two in the first place", i feel the same way. i wouldnt have done anything( u know what i mean) if there wasnt anything there (feelings towards that person)
 
  • #10
When 2 people decide to be in a relationship they commit themselves to each other not just physically but mentally as well. If they cannot handle such a commitment they should not even consider a relationship to begin with.

Now with that being said I have serious issues with respect. Cheating for me could be something simple like if my boyfriend (if I had one) held another womans hand in an inapropriate time. I dont mind acts of comforting when people are having a hard time in life, but when its done out of affection and attraction between 2 people which should be reserved him and I it borderlines cheating enough to get booted out of my life. It may sound psychotic cause alot of people would consider that harmless, but to me its disrespectful. It builds a foundation in which I begin to lose faith in the person Im with. To me cheating can be just innapropriate words exchanged between 2 people, cause to me cheating is not just a physical act, just like a healthy relationship between 2 people is not just based upon a physical act.

Now if someone were to tell me that "it was just sex" Id be forced to think what we had together was absolutely meaningless to the person (and probably just sex as well) otherwise he would have thought his actions thru a bit more before jumping into the sack and throwing everthing away. Obviously he didnt cherish what he had well enough to protect it from a bad decission and does not deserve another chance. Why should I waste my time with someone who does not apreciate me enough to remain faithful? and why should I waste my time and energy on wondering if he is faithful? Life is too short for all that silly stuff!
 
  • #11
I'm not even going to risk having painful memories resurface
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Cheers
 
  • #12
[b said:
Quote[/b] (unknownclown @ Nov. 03 2005,2:56)]When 2 people decide to be in a relationship they commit themselves to each other not just physically but mentally as well. If they cannot handle such a commitment they should not even consider a relationship to begin with.

Now with that being said I have serious issues with respect. Cheating for me could be something simple like if my boyfriend (if I had one) held another womans hand in an inapropriate time. I dont mind acts of comforting when people are having a hard time in life, but when its done out of affection and attraction between 2 people which should be reserved him and I it borderlines cheating enough to get booted out of my life. It may sound psychotic cause alot of people would consider that harmless, but to me its disrespectful. It builds a foundation in which I begin to lose faith in the person Im with. To me cheating can be just innapropriate words exchanged between 2 people, cause to me cheating is not just a physical act, just like a healthy relationship between 2 people is not just based upon a physical act.

Now if someone were to tell me that "it was just sex" Id be forced to think what we had together was absolutely meaningless to the person (and probably just sex as well) otherwise he would have thought his actions thru a bit more before jumping into the sack and throwing everthing away. Obviously he didnt cherish what he had well enough to protect it from a bad decission and does not deserve another chance. Why should I waste my time with someone who does not apreciate me enough to remain faithful? and why should I waste my time and energy on wondering if he is faithful? Life is too short for all that silly stuff!
Having had numerous talks on a variety of subject matters with my wife, it appears that men and women think significantly differently (generally speaking). Apparently, guys think of cheating in terms of sex and gals think of it in terms of emotional bonding. So if you're a guy, and you happen to develop feelings for a girl/woman, to your g/f or wife - that's cheating.
 
  • #13
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]So if you're a guy, and you happen to develop feelings for a girl/woman, to your g/f or wife - that's cheating.
Well said Jim.
 
  • #14
I think men and women actually have the same standards when it comes to "what is cheating"..
the rules only get modified when one (man or woman, doesnt matter which) actually gets caught cheating..in that case, the rules suddenly get VERY relaxed according to the one that was caught!
and the rules suddenly get much more stringent for the one who was cheated against!

I think thats why it *seems* different, but in reality it isnt very different at all.
when a person is caught cheating, the rules on the two sides are miles apart.
otherwise, they are the same..

Scot
 
  • #15
[b said:
Quote[/b] ] but I can't really disconnect sex and emotion, and I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who could disconnect the two in the first place.

Well, with regards to this, it's not whether YOU can disconnect the two, it's whether your PARTNER can that dictates whether you've cheated. YOUR intentions are only half of the equation - the other half is how your actions make the other person feel. If they feel like you've cheated, you've cheated. Period. Now, if they think flirting is cheating, they need a shrink, and you should get rid of them, but just be aware of that before you get into a relationship with them. If you do, DON'T flirt, not matter how harmless YOU find it.

If you make your bed, you better lie in it, as they say!
 
  • #16
Like many have said, "cheating" needs to be defined by the couple.  That is a topic two people should discuss BEORE entering into a serious/committed relationship with each other.  Make sure boundaries are clearly defined; cover all scenarios.  Some situations are pretty clear (like sex) and other situations are somewhat greyer (showing affection to another, online flirting, etc.).  I'm sure some people don't consider "messing around" online as cheating.  Best to clear that one up since its so common these days.

I worked with someone who's husband went to a bachelor party and 1) he lied about strippers being there.  2) She found out later he fondled a stripper's "chest."   She was VERY upset.  He didn't understand why (DOLT!).  She said he cheated.  He said he didn't because he "didn't have feelings" for the stripper.  Now I would hazard a guess that most women would NOT like their husbands fondling ANYONE'S chest so to me that's a no-brainer.  But that just goes to show you how view points can differ on what "cheating" is.

Every couple has a unique relationship and not everyone fits into the "traditional" mold.  So its best to clearly define what's acceptable and what's not.  Too many people assume their partner shares the same outlook until something comes up and then you have trouble.

And sometimes partners aren't honest about what they can accept and what they can't.  You gotta be able to put your money where your mouth is.  Don't talk the talk unless you can walk the walk.

p.s.  I'm pleased to see so many men saying they can't separate sex and emotion.  
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  • #17
my wife and i hit it off really quick when we were dating and actually had the "rules" conversation after a couple of dates. there have been zero misunderstandings since, atleast in that area. as far as what is cheating. that can only be defined by the couple. some women are much more relaxed than others on this are as are men(i do know some men that are 100% faithful and wouldnt dream of cheating, well maybe dream but never cross the line to actually doing anything
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i have complete faith in my wife making the right choices as she knows ill be out the door as soon as i were to find out. i would expect her to do the same to me.
 
  • #18
[b said:
Quote[/b] (rattler_mt @ Nov. 03 2005,12:44)]i have complete faith in my wife making the right choices as she knows ill be out the door as soon as i were to find out. i would expect her to do the same to me.
*mental image of that car photo*
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  • #20
What's weird is that people can accept epic levels of neglect or abuse in a relationship and it isn't cheating unless the partner is caught having sex with someone else.
 
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