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Got any words of advice?

  • Thread starter Trapper7
  • Start date
  • #21
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Gawd_oOo @ Jan. 18 2006,12:41)]Niki,

Good for you for ending it when you did. He would have only gotten worse as time went on.
Keep your mind busy. Make a cake, build an igloo, just do something to keep busy. Drive to Boer and take all yer emotions out on them, take 2 neps, and restart your cp collection.
LOL! You got it
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  • #22
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Bugweed @ Jan. 18 2006,1:09)]No loss. Just a mistake. But she can make her own choices. That is what free will is for. Leave her be.
I don't believe it's my loss or a mistake. That is just how I feel. I knew I would start something by saying that, but I am honest, and I didn't want to just say thank you for that advice when I don't believe in the advice. Sorry.
 
  • #23
Anybody have a good remedy for a horrible headache due to crying too much? I'm allergic to Tylenol, and I've already taken an extra strength advil but it's horrible.
 
  • #24
3 Exedrin migraine work for me, and I'm a pretty big guy.

Well obviously you'll live through this experiance, and come out on the other side hopfully a better person. I've noticed from you're post that you have had more than one abusive relationship? Perhaps there is a personality trait that you are attracted to. I believe love is a choice, but attraction happens when something inside the mind is triggered. I believe attraction isn't a choice. You say you want a nice guy, and I believe you do, but this guy has to be a man. In other words not clingy, or needy, or to agreeable. He would need to be a bit of a challenge also. Not exactly you average frustrated chump. The guy you were with was proly a challenge, started off sweet them became more possive, as the relationship progressed. I could be wrong. But there is something about guys who are a little dangerous, a cocky that women find irrisistable. What were the first warning signs this the relationship was in trouble? And is there any test you can create up front to test for this trait?
You should know as a woman that unless you up aginst someone like me, you are the selector. You select whom you go out with. It is your job to test these men up front. Hang in there and stay the course. Go out and meet new people, and create some new memories.
 
  • #25
If he was emotionally hurtful/abusive, I am glad you did the hard (but right) thing, and broke up with him.

It hurts, but at least you were the dumper, and not the dumpee. Either one hurts, but it hurts more when you feel like you're not in control.

Rest assured it will grow less painful in time, and don't immediately seek out a new boyfriend. Seek companionship right now with female friends.
 
  • #26
I started listening to new music, bought new clothes, met people, changed my hair, etc. I basically wanted to dispose of my image as she knew it. Funnily enough we're still extremely good friends, despite the torment she put me through. It takes time. Breathe.
 
  • #27
Hi Niki, I've been out of touch with the cyber world for awhile, and am way late on this one. There is some really good words of advice going on here! Off the top of my head, April, Capslock, SarraceniaScott, Gawd.., Zak, Outsiders,....

Too bad we don't have an smiley / icon for cyber-hug and frequent real ones would probably be great.

I have had all of 3 girlfriends in my life - all between ages 22->23. The first lasted a whopping 3 weeks and was immediately replaced by one of 3 months. That one I thought was THE one. She broke up with me, over the phone. I never knew why. I was depressed for months and questioned why. I was barely functional at work and it felt like the hurt and pain would never go away. As things eased up, a quick reminder would always sink me back. Eventually, after a few months, it didn't hurt as bad. And then I moved. Within weeks I met my future wife, at a Bible study and a few months later, we began a friendship. A few months after that we started dating.

All that was to say that it will definitely take months for enough of the pain to go away to be reasonably functional again. It just won't feel like it will. Please, whatever you do, don't do anything drastic and permanent. Please don't immerse yourself in anything numbing, that doesn't work toward really solving anything. Hang out with your friends, if possible. Re-acquaint yourself with your hobbies and interests. If possible, take long walks around that beautiful scenery in B.C. The discussion forums are also helpful therapy. You have friends here!
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  • #28
Trapper,
Come on!  There isn't a man/woman alive who's worth a migraine. You have lots ahead of you, mostly good, and some bad too.  When you have a quiet moment, once in a while, reflect on why you are attracted to people who are abusive. Do some limited navel gazing for a while, as in: what has happened in my past to make abusers attractive to me? Think about it.

Get yourself a VFT, and go on from there. Go bowling. Go skiing. Go horseback riding. Read the biographies of famous people(No, not Pamela Anderson..how about Josephine, Napolean's wife?) Go to art shows. Volunteer for your local state park, animal shelter, or to clean out stalls at your local stable.  Spend some time around critters, fuzz therapy works!  Read books, newspapers and web sites, listen to music, make your mind curious, busy and twitchy. Learn how to be quiet and alone. Learn that being alone and happy is  way more attractive than just "settling."  Especially for an unhappy relationship. Go to work every day and see if you can make just 1 person laugh, or make their day better.

Invest a lot of time in the propagation of YOURSELF.

You will quickly see how your tastes in partners change...for the better.
 
  • #29
Dear gal, it is alright to miss him.
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And even grieve the loss of the relationship. Just shows that you are sentimental and did try for the relationship. So take you time to let the sadness come, then begin to let it go.

Remember, you chose not to be hurt anymore. I too chose to leave my last boyfriend but I cried buckets. But now that I am with my husband, I look back sometimes and wonder what-the-whatever did I see in the other fellow. It is easy to find another someone to hug and console you but this time, don't go back to the I-know-he-can-be-abusive-but-I-need-someone-right-now type. Take a break, and find the most important person to you. YOURSELF. Enjoy your youth, enjoy your smile and enjoy even your own weird habits. Go paint your nails, doll yourself up. For yourself.
 
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