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Thread: Stupid Human Tricks

  1. #33
    Moderator Schmoderator Fluorescent fluorite, England PlantAKiss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]How on earth have you lived this long?
    I have said that many times. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img] He must be a cat...with 9 lives...although I think he has used up more than 9...

    I still want to hear about falling through the roof...I don't think I've heard that one. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]
    "Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs." - Jerome K. Jerome

  2. #34
    Lauderdale's Avatar
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    I was ten when my parents shipped me off to summer camp. It only took a couple of days for me to get bored with all this “nature” stuff so I talked two of my newfound buddies into hiking to the girl’s camp about three miles down the lake.

    We arrived about noon, sneaked out of the woods to a marsh area, where we began crawling on our bellies through foot deep water towards a stand of cattails that provided great cover. We were less than thirty yards from the beach and probably no more than ten yards from a large raft where most of the girls were sunning themselves. Most of them were about our age and this was the year of the Bikini. WOW! But there were two camp counselors that were like…WOW! WOW! Older ladies of at least twenty…WOW! WOW! WOW!

    Our new found voyeuristic tendencies lasted about three hours when hunger began to replace hormones and we crawled back into the woods where we discovered leeches all over our legs. Not a big deal for a country boy so I began picking them off them off when I realized that we had been sitting in foot deep swamp water. I took off my swimsuit…there were leeches everywhere...I mean absolutely EVERYWHERE. Harry fell to his knees and began bawling. Carl just stood there in shock.

    I began to pull one off that was in the least sensitive spot but squeezed a little too hard and blood spurted down my leg. Harry began barfing. Carl ran screaming into the woods. The following hour was one of the longest and most painful of my life.

    I got back to camp well after dark, purloined a large bottle of peroxide from the infirmary and washed down until the whole bottle was gone. The mess hall was closed but I managed to scrounge some leftovers and sat listening to the counselors who were huddled in a corner, talking and laughing about Carl and Harry. A local farmer had found them wandering down a dirt road. They were in shock and totally incoherent. He brought them to camp and a couple of the counselors had driven them thirty miles to the nearest medical facility. They had to be sedated because they became hysterical when they saw that some of the blood sucking creatures were attached to very sensitive areas and had gotten as big as a thumb. It took nearly an hour for the doctors to get them all off and they had to keep the guys in the hospital.

    The next morning rumors, which I can’t post here, were flying about the horrific damage the leeches had caused to sensitive body parts…I mean…just use your imagination guys. I was pretty sure they weren’t true but I did a complete inspection at least four times a day just to be sure. By noon Carl and Harry’s bunks were rolled up and their belongings had been removed. I never heard from them again.

    Ten days later my tour of duty was up. Just before the bus came I gave a map I had drawn to another buddy. It gave directions to the best vantage point to see the “ladies of the lake”.

    I never went back to summer camp.

  3. #35

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    I was fixing my neighbor's roof atop her ladder. I was doing fine for 20 minutes, and heard her ladder creaking like crazy.

    I stabled myself, and continued to work on the roof, and suddenly:

    SLAM!!!

    The old ladder gave way, and i landed flat on my tailbone.

    I was in bed for a day, had it hurt for a month, and I'm fine now, but every now and then when I sit cross-legged for too long, my tailbone starts hurting.

  4. #36
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    Got two more to share!

    First: As a kid (14?) I was sledding in one of those thin plastic tobagan type sleds - the ones that can go REALLY fast in the right conditions. We had a really nice, big hill near my house where all the kids went to sled. At that age, the coolest thing to do is build a jump. The coolest kid award went to the kid who could jump highest/farthest. I won...I had the MOTHER of all jumps....at least five feet off the ground (with the ground continuing to fall away under me, I might add). Perfect posture in the air! Came down and stuck a perfect landing! Only problem - fist sized stone my tail bone landed on. Had to carry a pillow around highschool for three weeks just to sit down (and that's as a freshman - no girl action followed for 2 1/2 years). Couldn't bend far enough to touch my toes for a year.

    Second: Running track as a senior in college, first indoor event of the season (scrimmage). My event was the 200M. Boy, was I hauling hindquarters! I even passed the guy who usually beat my pants off.....So I knew I was in for a major personal best - until I fealt this weird popping sensation in my left hip flexor. Now, when you're going full tilt, this allows the leg that was injured to continue it's motion in the opposite direction effected by the injury - in this case, back....Then it doesn't allow the leg to return - net effect was both legs back when I needed the left one forward. CRASH! Now, as if the torn hip flexor wasn't enough, I received the mother of all track burns (nice rubber track, that) on my arm. Didn't seem quite so bad until I got in the shower and the hot water hit the burn.....
    17 Nash Rd.
    North Salem, NY 10560

    YOU! Outta my gene pool!

  5. #37

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    Yesterday, someone in my cafeteria at school dared me to eat a red savina habanero pepper (2nd hottest variety in the world). Naturally, I ate it. The burning spicyness wasn't as bad as the feeling the pepper made when it reached my stomach. I had eaten it on an empty stomach and I felt sick the entire day.

  6. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] (Slurm @ Feb. 28 2006,5:25)]The burning spicyness wasn't as bad as the feeling the pepper made when it reached my stomach.
    Not as much as when your misadventure approaches 'The End'! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_n_32.gif[/img]
    My chicken legs taste like chicken--only less meaty.

  7. #39
    Moderator Schmoderator Fluorescent fluorite, England PlantAKiss's Avatar
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    ROFL Joe. Yeah...we want to hear "the end" of that story! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img]

    Jan...now THAT is a gross story. Leeches are...well...just GROSS. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_t_32.gif[/img]



    "Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs." - Jerome K. Jerome

  8. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]Here is a tip. If you are roasting marshmallows and it starts on fire, shaking the stick doesn't put it out, it sends a flaming marshmallow flying.
    Well the only way to roast a marshmallow is to make it all catch on fire at once and then blow it out right away. I always do it that way and I've actually gotten good at it. Then one night last summer, I was doing marshmallows (an entire bag split between 6 people). I got the last mallow and started roasting it. It ignites and I blow it out. That would be fine except I moved a little too fast and got the marshmallow all over my face. I felt that one the entire next day.

    Peter
    the cellist

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