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Thread: For those who stay on this side of the Pond:

  1. #1
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    I asked Aidan if he minded me importing it here:



    This was supposed to go into effect last year but undoutbedly was delayed by the UK elections.

    To the citizens of the United States of America:

    In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and your vice President shooting his friend, (normal for joint military action) thereby you have failed to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. This means that North America comprising of Canada and USA are now territories of the United Kingdom

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

    Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    (You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

    1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

    3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

    4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

    5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

    6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

    8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

    9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

    10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

    11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

    12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

    13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

    14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

    15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

    16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

    17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

  2. #2
    rattler's Avatar
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    funny, i wold refuse to take orders from the Brits, but its funny
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
    http://www.wolfpointherald.com/--http://www.safety-brite.net/

  3. #3
    scottychaos's Avatar
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    funny!
    but it has nothing to do with John Cleese..
    this is just another of the billion internet lists that someone made up, then tacked on a celebrity name to make it more likely to spread across the internet..
    if it said "written by Joe Schmoe, age 19, from hayseed college, Iowa", it wouldnt have the same impact! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_m_32.gif[/img]

    http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

    check out the American responses near the bottom! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]

    Scot

  4. #4
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
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    Hey, they can't do any worse then we have done the last six years. I'll agree with most of it. However, I refuse to change the way I talk, I refuse to give up my guns, and nobody's going to mess with my french fries or budweiser.
    I'd also like to make a suggestion. Can we keep Kansas and get rid of Ohio? I think it would do fine if it became a colny of Poland instead.

  5. #5
    nepenthes_ak's Avatar
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    Hey Ozzy!!!!
    Ohio isnt great... but where ealse are you going to get corn? and what about the Airforce base its one of the biggest??
    Why not give up something ealse less important, like uhmm North Dakota? No one likes it their any ways? Acutaly nvm i dont care... im moving to canada (where the beer is better) as soon as i can! (I thought the world was done with imperilization? Isnt that one of the effects that started ww1 in the first place?)

    cheers

  6. #6
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]. but where ealse are you going to get corn?
    nebraska or almost any other state.

    Biggest in size doesn't mean the best. I can think of alot of other more imoprotant AFB'es than Wright-Patterson.

  7. #7
    nepenthes_ak's Avatar
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    I never said it was the best lol [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]

    Cheers

  8. #8
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    I refuse to give up football & baseball! Why would one put vinegar on french fries? And what's wrong with Kansas? [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img]

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