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Thread: Is there something wrong with me?

  1. #9
    Let's positive thinking! seedjar's Avatar
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    Feeling detached, directionless, and out of the loop is normal teenage stuff... Starving yourself and fear of crowds is not. What Dave is describing goes a ways beyond simple teen angst, and this isn't something that should just be ignored and wished away. Yes, I agree that it might resolve itself after a while, but the possible dangers are too dire to just wait them out and hope for the best.
    ~Joe
    o//~ Livin' like a bug ain't easy / My old clothes don't seem to fit me /
    I got little tiny bug feet / I don't really know what bugs eat /
    Don't want no one steppin' on me / Now I'm sympathizin' with fleas /
    Livin' like a bug ain't easy / Livin' like a bug ain't easy... o//~

  2. #10

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    Keep your chin up - you're not alone. Your situation reminds me of when I was keen about a girl back in high school. I was confused about the situation between us and what I should do about it. Turns out that no matter how harshly (and boy was it!) I found out I wasn't needed/wanted it was better than being stuck in a fog of confusion- all I needed was a clear answer. The next morning at 5am I went jogging (which I had never done) and didn't go to school because I felt so well.
    Not that it's been all hunky-dory since (I'm a manic depressive), but gaining confidence in myself was what ultimately saved, and saves me from me. Also, as much as it may sound extreme, carnivorous plants keep me fuelled to go forth.

    Breathe.

  3. #11
    endparenthesis's Avatar
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    I was majorly depressed for about 15 years. I tried therapy, medication, etc. with little to no effect.

    It took 15 years to figure out this stupid simple truth. Exercise. Just exercise.

    When I was in the middle of it I heard people suggest exercise and I thought, "Yeah, like that'll help." But it's been one of the most beneficial things I've come across.

    The problem with depression is that it usually can't be reasoned away. Remember that line in the Matrix? "The image translators work FOR the construct program." Totally unrelated, but a good metaphor. Depression is a sickness of the mind. It has a subtle effect on your perceptions and your ability to make rational conclusions. Unless you have an epiphany or a breakthrough of some sort, the mind you're using to eliminate the depression is working FOR the depression. It can't be trusted.

    Because it's so pervasive and insideous it can take a long time to really see all this stuff going on inside you. In fact, I bet you find that when you're doing ok you have trouble remembering what it's like to be depressed, and when you're depressed you have trouble remembering what it's like to be ok. It can literally be seen as a shift in your whole being... somehow you can't even access that part of yourself even just to remember it. Or maybe that's just me.

    So why does exercise help? Because you have to attack the imbalance in ways it can't manipulate. Appeals to reason can be filtered and twisted around. Endorphins can't. We grow up thinking that a sedantary life is normal because that's all we see around us. We also see a bunch of fat, miserable people around us. The body is supposed to move every day... not doing it is unnatural and has dire consequences.

    When you're depressed it seems like mere chemistry couldn't possibly have anything to do with what's wrong. You hate yourself. The world disgusts you. Your life is meaningless. These are all pretty intellectual and existential problems... it seems crazy that an imbalance of neurotransmitters could create all that. But the imbalance can screw with your perceptions quite effectively. The belief that the external world is the problem is all part of the lie.

    Medication... well... it seems to work for some people, but it's a terribly flawed approach. The body can produce any chemicals you require in perfect dosages and can deliver them precisely where they're needed. Medicine just floods your entire system like a carpet bomb. Side effects are so common because another part of your body may be using the same chemicals being delivered in an entirely different way... so you fix one system and knock another system all out of whack. It just seems like a sloppy way to do things.

    So how do you get the body to start producing chemicals properly again? By getting healthy... fresh air, better food, exercise.

    Of course there are more serious diseases where medication is necessary, but depression often isn't one of them. For losing weight they say to just get yourself healthy, and the weight will take care of itself. It's the same with depression. When you manage to reach optimal states, just try to leave some breadcrumbs so you can remember how you got there, and eventually you get better at it.

    There's another huge benefit with exercise that I haven't mentioned. There seems to be a direct correlation between unhappiness and self-centeredness. I don't mean selfishness or vanity... I mean when you're always focusing on the self. Exercise, or any type of physical labor, pulls you out of that state. For a little while you aren't you anymore. You're a goal. You're fluid motion. You're too tired to think... you just become aching muscles and sweat. It's hard to explain... easier to just experience it. Just remember that sometimes, especially when depressed, the self can become a cage that you need to release yourself from.

    This ended up being a lot longer than I thought it'd be. I hope there's something of value in it.

    Every case is different so I can't really say what will work best for you, but it's a good bet this will have an effect.

  4. #12
    Capslock's Avatar
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    Good stuff, ep! Very well put and explained.

    Hey, the other thing to keep in mind is that all the nerdy, isolated kids in High School grow up to be the rich, popular guys later. The "jocks" and many of the "popular" kids end up total losers. In other words, what you see today is NOT how things end up! The people who end up doing best are the ones who work hard and treat other people well.

    Capslock
    Malo Periculosam Libertatem Quam Quietum Servitium

    My photos are copyright-free and public domain

  5. #13
    Let's positive thinking! seedjar's Avatar
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    Ah, yes, EP mentioned one of the biggest points that I missed. Excercise (like nutrition) has a miraculous effect on depression. Good job bud. For me, just being outside makes me dramatically less depressed, even when I can't exercise.
    ~Joe
    o//~ Livin' like a bug ain't easy / My old clothes don't seem to fit me /
    I got little tiny bug feet / I don't really know what bugs eat /
    Don't want no one steppin' on me / Now I'm sympathizin' with fleas /
    Livin' like a bug ain't easy / Livin' like a bug ain't easy... o//~

  6. #14
    FarmerDave's Avatar
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    But, all of the people at my school are the smartest in North Florida.

    But on a positive note, thanks guys (again) I'm going to think long and hard on what you've said, tommorow

  7. #15
    Stay chooned in for more! Clint's Avatar
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    Not to mention it's getting darker. Seasonal depression is real.

  8. #16
    FarmerDave's Avatar
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    Another thing, that nep ak said was that cps do help, at least in my case, but it's too cold outside.

    That's one of the reasons why I got into them.

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