It is the eve of my "college" visit, its more like a tour of the school. But its a visit none the less, this school has two things i am very interested it.
I know that through out my life I can do photography, as a kinda hobby, just like my mycology experiences. But Science, in botany, and in myrmecology, have just spawned great interest over the past year. Its almost insain.
I cant sleep, i had gone off to bed just thinking about what would happen tomorrow, would i impress my maybe soon to be teachers? who would be impressed with a shaggy moss patch chin kid like me? That was besides the point i had dealt with worse at school, "cutter cardenas" and silly things like that.
I quickly brushed aside those moot points in my life, to a bigger question. What am i going to go to college for. This kinda decides what i want to do with the rest of my life?
What interesting things will i venture off to do, what boundary's will i cross to advance what ever study i go into, or will I just be a stepping stone for something greater?
And Im stuck with the question of what do i want to do with my life, what do i want to do? I want to travel, I want to keep bee's (which you cant quite do while traveling across the world) but in order to travel. I have to get a job in Myrmecology or magicaly find my way to national geographic and take pictures. But I dont want to take pictures of just scenery, the big things every one notices, I want to take pictures of small things, the workings the basics of life, Insects. With out insects their would be now big animals.
But on the other hand i want to specialize in the study of Myrmecolgoy the study of the social insect, ants. But this study is almost imposible to get a foot hold in, because its such a scarecly known study, theirs so few people in the study that are well renowned other than O.E. wilson, but thats another story. This study takes years, 7+ years, with classes i have no understanding, or well grasp for. Despite what my chemistry teacher says now. some things are just to small. But it is key and important.
I realize that what i need to do is relize their will be things we want to do, their will be things we are forced to do do things we might do. Its just hard deciding, it doesnt help when you dont get above a 3.5 grade average, let alone you barely scratch by the 3.0, no one is going to get a schoolarship on that. But I cant seem to figure out how I want to go about getting into Myrmecolgoy, or Photography. Cause either way im forced to choose ONE or the other.
I love nature i love the idea of traveling for months just looking at ants, i love the idea of sitting in the tree's or on the forest floor waiting for 1 min shot at a rare animal, or traveling to distant country's
All that to lead up to this question. What do you guys think, am i on the right track am i on a roll? Do i have an idea? What do you think about my choices? Am i just stressing out?
*uhhhg* i hate the education system!
Im going to be running on so little energy tomorrow its insain, i lie down and try to relax... but i just cant stop fidgeting with the idea of my future on my mind. My mom allways asked me what am i going to do with my life when i would get introuble for stealing, or getting introuble.
Its just so hard.... oh well ill figure it out im sure, (that doesnt mean dont post )