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Thread: God's word

  1. #1
    Stay chooned in for more! Clint's Avatar
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    God's word

    I saw this at a Conservative's forum as a joke from a troll and I figured some of you would think it was funny, too.

    IT"S JUST A JOKE AND DON'T GET BENT OUT OF SHAPE but it is really funny (and totally true!)

    Hello everyone,

    I try daily to educate people regarding God's Law, but I'm unclear on a couple of points that I hope you can clarify.

    When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    c) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the the Sabbath. In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    d) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    e) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    f) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

    g) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    h) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyesterblend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

    Thank you for helping me remind others that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

  2. #2
    zappafan's Avatar
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    God's word is eternal and unchanging although many misunderstand it. Jesus said "you have heard it said" many times, and then would say "but I say to you" to eliminate confusion and misunderstanding. Do we really think the blood of a bull or the smell of a carcass is pleasing to the eternal God or is it the obedience of the act? Did the Holy God ever decree laws in a covenantal arrangement to the elect Jews that differed from His covenant with the Gentiles? Do people not understand who The Holy God is and how His holiness is defined in The Holy Bible? He also says that only the remnant will be saved.

  3. #3
    Stay chooned in for more! Clint's Avatar
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    It's just a joke dude. One of those things, you know, NOT supposed to be taken seriously.

  4. #4
    nepenthes_ak's Avatar
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    Yea I was gonna get all defensive man, but its just a joke and I don't want to ruin the fact that people actually beleive these lies. Nice find JLAP

  5. #5
    Kung Fu Fighting! NeciFiX's Avatar
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    I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED AND SHALL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW BY EXECUTING COMMANDS AND ANGER!

    Lol, I think it's pretty funny.
    - NeciFiX

  6. #6
    War. War never changes. Est's Avatar
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    It's just a joke dude. One of those things, you know, NOT supposed to be taken seriously.
    Eh, I don't think Zappas response is out of line or unjustified. Even if it's a "joke," it's rather pointed and trying to make clarifications in response seems logical.

    It's like pointing out why a satirical political cartoon is stupid or incorrect. Sure it's just a cartoon, but if it's wrong, then you want to comment on it.

    Regardless, I thought it was rather amusing. XD
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  7. #7
    Moderator Alexis's Avatar
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    It's not out of line or unjustified - it just comes across as missing the point

  8. #8
    herenorthere's Avatar
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    It's all about selective enforcement. When law & order types talk about enforcement in our secular world, they mean strict enforcement against things other people want to do. Not against their own speeding, tax evasion, etc. In the same way, when bible thumpers read their laws, they overlook the prohibitions against things they might cook on the grill or toss around the back yard.

    Everyone has the right go through the bible line-by-line and decide which parts to follow or to not follow. Assuming no one is harmed. But, in my opinion, someone who doesn't accept each and every line loses any right to tell someone that the bible requires people do a particular thing or prohibits any other thing.
    Bruce in CT

    Madness is something rare in individuals but in groups, parties, peoples, ages it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche

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