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Thread: I HATE Assembly Projects!

  1. #1
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    I HATE Assembly Projects!

    Sunday was a day devoted to assembly projects. I absolutely hate these projects. Why? I struggle with the instructions. Mostly, I take issue with phraseology and vernacular, being unfamiliar with parts and their respective names. Consequently, I read... and re-read.... and attempt to put together... and then end up having Lynn (wife) tell me that I did it wrong and then redo whatever.

    For example:

    1) We had this clothes dryer that has an option to to switch sides as how it would open - right or left. So there came with it a set of instructions as to how and what order one should remove screws and switch one side of the door and hinges and.... So I followed instructions and naturally got it wrong. And naturally, Lynn informed me of my faux pas. Then she began putting it together "right" and got it partially redone. I followed her pattern and lo and behold.... it was wrong. So after staring at the dryer and the instructions for another half hour and logically put together a mental image of what would seem to work - I put it all together and ya know... it worked.

    2) Lynn had me put together a bathroom rack thingy that fits behind and above the toilet. So I began putting it together and Lynn said, "oh noooooo....". Guess who put the back panels in backwards!? I also confused what the instructions said was facing the back, overthinking the instruction writer.

    3) Then she had me replace an aesthetically unacceptable towel bar and add another a couple feet higher. I had to remove some screws in the old bar first, before emplacing the new one. So I'm unscrewing the screws, which are in drywall, and what they were in was now stripped and they would only come out so far. Something was keeping these screws in place... but what? So I showed Lynn for a second opinion and she began yanking the part out the wall. I expressed that it's probably not a good idea to pull it out of the wall and the we ought to live with the existing towel bar. She really wanted the new one in there. I ended up yanking it out, discovering the reason why it wouldn't come out of the wall easily was that it had a set of uni-directional anchors in it, that flared open when in place. So I took a piece of the wall out. That made putting a new one a bit more difficult, because there wasn't anything solid in that location to anchor anything into. Nevertheless, I followed through and the one side was loose. Lynn said that we needed to be careful and not use that bar to hold onto while getting up from the toilet. And then... later on in the day.... she said that she forgot about not bracing herself onto it and it came apart. She then used a glue gun to hold it togther.

    I measured the length and width of the second bar and awled the locations for the screws, based upon a template that came with the box. But I was a 1/2" short in my horizontal measurement and created a bigger hole to compensate. Still, we managed to the thing in place.

    4) A hand towel bar was also put into the wall, but being only a microcosm of the towel bars, that went in without a hitch.

    5) Lynn is being gracious with my CP hobby and decided to purchase and put together an aesthetically pleasing rack, to be put in fron of the south-facing sliding door window, in the living room. But the top rack only allowed for 6" worth of space from top to bottom. She really had no conception of the need for the sun to actually shine in on the plants. And of course the rack had to moved a half foot away from the window, so as to allow for he vertical blinds to close, thus reducing the efficasy of the sunlight. I and the plants have to live with it. Beggars can't be choosers!

    How 'bout you?

  2. #2
    jiana54's Avatar
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    would that be the same as "constructing" a desk together for 6 hours?

    i was trying to show off to my dad when i first moved into my apartment. i wanted to be like "hey dad look i can put together my own computer desk without your help." sure i was able to put part A to part B to part R then put part ABR and part Q together but it took me 6 hours.
    Go White Sox!!

    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." -J Hendrix

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    rattler's Avatar
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    me? i had a hell of a weekend......discovered Friday night that i had run out of pain pills, saturday a storm system started moving through and the air pressure decided to be schizophrenic raising slowly for a few hours only to then drop like a stone and then start raising again.......was curled up in the fetal position on the couch hoping like hell my pain meds would show up in the mail box a 2pm. pain meds did show up but i was in bad enough shape that they didnt want to kick in, even on an empty stomach so did the only sensible thing i could think of.....went over to a buddies for some BBQ and chugged a few beers......discovered beer is a wonderful way to get my pain pills kicked ASAP in and spent the rest of the day staring at a wall feeling much better about my life

    sunday i hauled garbage and tree branches out of my front yard........

    so yah feeling better bout your weekend yet Jim?
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
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    rattler's Avatar
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    on assembly projects........i am a master at the use of duct tape, bailing wire and super glue........also my motto is "If all else fails, get a bigger hammer"
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
    http://www.wolfpointherald.com/--http://www.safety-brite.net/

  5. #5
    OMG h8 pings MrFlyTrap2's Avatar
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    Along the lines of, if it fails use a bigger hammer...

    The gas company turned off the gas to one of my buildings for repairs, but when they turned it back on they decided to only give a half hearted effort into lighting the only pilot light in the building. Well they never light the pilot but they did turn the heating knob all the way to HOT. (They do stuff like this on purpose)

    After lighting it back up myself, I got a phone call that there was water in the basement. Sure enough the safety valve opened up and was happily spilling water all over the floor. Well I fixed the temperature on the unit, but the corrosion over the years kept the valve open. Spotting the sledge hammer next to the water heater, its nice having random tools laying around, a few smacks got the valve fixed.

    With that out of the way I got to finishing ruining my Saturday night with 150+ gallons of water being sucked out by the shop vac mounted to a lawn mower. (one of the wheels popped off). Plus I dropped my ipod headphones into the water!
    My Grow List

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    herenorthere's Avatar
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    Instructions?!? Are we not men? Did Rattler mention looking at instructions before he mixed alcohol and prescription pain meds? I think not. Did MFT2 mention looking at instructions before putting sledge hammer to valve? No, again. I don't know if you're noticing the trend, but men don't solve problems by reading instructions. I've never heard of any instructions that say "hold together with duct tape" or "put beer in freezer to get it cold faster."
    Bruce in CT

    Madness is something rare in individuals but in groups, parties, peoples, ages it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche

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    rattler's Avatar
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    Bruce....i read the instructions.....they said "Alcohol may intensify effects" i figured if after 2 hours they hadnt kicked in i could use some intensifying
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
    http://www.wolfpointherald.com/--http://www.safety-brite.net/

  8. #8
    Illinois droseraguy's Avatar
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    I think that the "non english speaking" far eastern persons that write those instructions get a morbid sense of accomplishment after writing the text.

    Jim it's not your fault ! There is some guy in the factory where all those items are made laughing his butt off at our attempt to interpret his INTENTIONAL misalignments and figuring out why there are 3-#2 parts and 0-#3 parts.

    Just go ahead and customize the furinture any way you want.
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and The American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
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