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Thread: oil change

  1. #1
    rattler's Avatar
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    Angry oil change

    Oil change instructions for women
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.
    Money spent:
    Oil Change: $20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total: $21.00

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
    process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21) Drink beer.
    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
    25) Begin cussing fit.
    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    27) Cuss for 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    28) Beer.
    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow
    30) Beer.
    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    32) Beer.
    33) Lower car from jack stands.
    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
    35) Beer.
    36) Test drive car.
    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    38) Car gets impounded.
    39) Call loving wife, make bail.
    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
    Money spent:

    Parts: $50.00
    DUI: $2500.00
    Impound fee: $75.00
    Bail: $1500.00
    Beer: $20.00
    Total: $4,145.00

    But you know the job was done right!
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
    http://www.wolfpointherald.com/--http://www.safety-brite.net/

  2. #2
    billylh's Avatar
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    lol, i could see that actually happening.

    ~b

  3. #3
    BuddhistAdam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rattler_mt View Post

    Parts: $50.00
    DUI: $2500.00
    Impound fee: $75.00
    Bail: $1500.00
    Beer: $20.00
    Total: $4,145.00

    But you know the job was done right!
    I'da said priceless. For everything else there's mastercard!
    All fear violence, all are afraid of death.
    Seeing the similarity to oneself, one should not use violence or have it used.
    The Buddha
    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref...r1?ref=profile

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    swords's Avatar
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    My method as of last tuesday:

    1) Back car out of parking space on way to work with quick stop for "oil change"

    2) Shift into Drive and notice crazy scraping/grinding noise

    3) Drive to shop and have them look at the car while they do the oil change

    4) have brakes, struts, spings, wheel bearings, etc. replaced.

    5) Just a scant $1700 and 24 hours later I have a clean oil filter!

  5. #5
    sea bear returns! theyellowdart's Avatar
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    Haha, what a coincidence, one of my friends spilled a ton of oil on the ground today when we were changing his oil.
    We forgot how fast it can squirt out when you take off the oil plug.
    growlist

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

  6. #6
    herenorthere's Avatar
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    If you wait a lot longer between changes, it won't come out so fast and you'll have more time to slide the pan under there. Or only change the oil after an extremely cold night in the winter. I'm sure there must be some kind of solution to that problem.
    Bruce in CT

    Madness is something rare in individuals but in groups, parties, peoples, ages it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche

  7. #7
    sea bear returns! theyellowdart's Avatar
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    It was actually my friend who made the mistake. He estimated the angle the oil would shoot out wrong so he placed the pan in the wrong spot.
    growlist

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

  8. #8
    "Oh, now he's a philosophizer" Baylorguy's Avatar
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    I agree... except for the write a check part. In actuality it would most likely be swipe the check card

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