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Thread: Church Bulletin Bloopers

  1. #1
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    These actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not
    worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
    who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
    pleasure to many in the congregation.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early
    and listen to our choir practice.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
    and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will
    be used to cripple children.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you
    want remembered.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in
    the basement on Friday afternoon.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
    Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
    lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their
    electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
    Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use
    the large double door at the side entrance.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
    'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
    'Searching for Jesus.'
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends
    a friendship that began in their school days.

  2. #2
    Capensis's Avatar
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    LOL! Hahaha, those are great. xD I really needed those laughs.
    http://www.terraforums.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=6789&dateline=1352508752

  3. #3
    cmm889's Avatar
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    for all those who know I work at as a customer service rep and I talk on the phone all day to help people file financial aid applications, and I just laughed into my phone and really thru my caller off just about half way down that list...apparently I think his problems are funny... but thats not really what it was...

    crippled kids...

    too funny

  4. #4

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    Oh I love this stuff. Truly hysterical, priceless flub-ups!

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