Climate change cause finally found!

[rattler]

After decades of observation, research, world travel and data gathering, pseudo-scientist rattler_mt takes the occasion of Earth Day to announce the definitive cause of climate change.
“Climate change is caused by one simple and overlooked thing,” rattler said, “and that is … leaves.”

“For the entire life of the Earth, the emergence of leaves in the Spring cause the temperature to rise. The more leaves that trees hold, the hotter it gets. Then, in the Autumn, when trees drop their leaves, the temperature invariably plummets. The cause and effect is as obvious as the face behind your nose,” he concluded.

The facts are indisputable. Wherever there are leaves, it is warm. Where there are few or no leaves, it is cold. The Amazon and the Antarctic are proof of the theory: one is always hot and the other is always frozen, and the presence or absence of leaves is the difference. Over the rest of the earth, the annual cycle never varies: leaves emerge and temperatures rise; leaves disappear and temperature falls.

Competing ideas are overcomplicated hogwash. Al Gore is a shyster and a crook, and the media has it backwards: “Green” is not the answer, “green” is the CAUSE!

 

[jimscott]

What a relief! I had been worried about that all day. I can go about my day in peace, now.

 

[swords]

Hey, 17 years ago today I was attacked from behind, beaten and arrested by some of Minneapolis' finest officers at the Earth Day protest against NSP storing their leaky casks next to the Mississippi river head. I can almost still taste the cement and mace! Such misty watercolor memories...

I'm glad environment change isn't laid on humanity's shoulders that means we're free to do whatever we want. Whew!

Now, about my idea of harnessing black holes to use as an energy source...

 

[rattler]

black holes huh?.......have you checked Washington DC? money seems to be collected and sent there never to be seen again.....it also seems to suck all intelligence out of ppl who choose to work there........

 

[maneatingmoo]

No wonder it's so hot in my room...

 

[ktulu]

This is good news, somebody throw another tire on the fire to celebrate.

 

[Brokken]

A perfectly funny example of Correlation-implies-causation fallacy.

 

[Capensis]

...Of course! It all makes sense now.

 

[Ozzy]

I hate to disprove your theory but explain deserts, no leaves but they are the hottest places on earth. That completely disproves the whole thing. Besides everybody knows the cause of global warming in daylight savings time. It's amazing what just one extra hour of daylight can do to the climate

 

[rattler]

ive been thinking of that Ozzy...........come up with an answer......sand evidently acts in the same way as leaves........the lil grains are like magnifying glasses heating up the ground, which in turn heats up the air......

 

[Ozzy]

Sorry, I just don't buy the leaves/sand theory. The earths temp continue to rise, while the number of trees and plants decline. If your theroy was true, the earth would be cooling as more plants die.
I think it is way more logical that an extra hour of sunlight (overtime) is to blame for global warming.

 

[rattler]

i dont know bout you but i had a pretty darn cold winter.....coldest we have had for awhile..........need to burn more tires this year....i wanna grow banana trees in the front yard dang it.......

 

[Brokken]

I hate to disprove your theory but explain deserts, no leaves but they are the hottest places on earth. That completely disproves the whole thing. Besides everybody knows the cause of global warming in daylight savings time. It's amazing what just one extra hour of daylight can do to the climate

Ozzy: It's Onion material. He was being facetious.

 

[Ozzy]

Seriously?

 

[F R e N c H 3 z]

So then why is it that as deforestation continues to grow and global warming continues to increase? If we go back prior to the early 1900's before the coal age there was no serious case of global warming and there was no large amounts of deforestation... Glacier records can prove this simply by looking at the amount of CO2 present in the ice. There were more trees and temperatures were lower overall worldwide. There also was not the most destructive hurricanes EVER WITNESSED in a 5 year span.
The leaves theory is hog wash, leaves absorb CO2, not create mass amounts of it. The only way they create it is due to photorespiration which is due to a lack of CO2 and god knows we have plenty of it. Like Al Gore said in his documentary The Inconvenient Truth each year it is as if the Earth takes one large breath.
The only thing more ridiculous then this was from a classmate who strongly believed that global warming was due to cows passing gas...

People just dont want to face the fact that 4% of the world's population using 25% of the Earth's resources has serious consequences...



Edit: Re-reading the post and keeping in mind it's a joke I can see it now and feel a bit foolish, you should have put this up for April fool's rattler lol You would have gotten me sorry for the rant !

 

[theyellowdart]

So then why is it that as deforestation continues to grow and global warming continues to increase? If we go back prior to the early 1900's before the coal age there was no serious case of global warming and there was no large amounts of deforestation... Glacier records can prove this simply by looking at the amount of CO2 present in the ice. There were more trees and temperatures were lower overall worldwide. There also was not the most destructive hurricanes EVER WITNESSED in a 5 year span.
The leaves theory is hog wash, leaves absorb CO2, not create mass amounts of it. The only way they create it is due to photorespiration which is due to a lack of CO2 and god knows we have plenty of it. Like Al Gore said in his documentary The Inconvenient Truth each year it is as if the Earth takes one large breath.
The only thing more ridiculous then this was from a classmate who strongly believed that global warming was due to cows passing gas...

This was just a harmless joke... that apparently went way over your head.
lol

And I believe the "cows passing gas" theory was proven to be somewhat true.

 

[F R e N c H 3 z]

This was just a harmless joke... that apparently went way over your head.
lol

Guess I missed the punch line

 

[Capensis]

After decades of observation, research, world travel and data gathering, pseudo-scientist rattler_mt...

I think that gives it away. LOL.

 

[scottychaos]

There also was not the most destructive hurricanes EVER WITNESSED in a 5 year span.

man..the maple tree seedlings in my yard are out of control this year..
just a few hours ago i picked out the MOST EVER WITNESSED maple tree seedlings out of the front garden..that PROVES that last year more maple tree seeds were produced than at any other time in history..the most ever since the beginning of time..its true..because its the MOST EVER WITNESSED ever..in the entire three years we have lived at this house..

Scot

 

[theyellowdart]

man..the maple tree seedlings in my yard are out of control this year..
just a few hours ago i picked out the MOST EVER WITNESSED maple tree seedlings out of the front garden..that PROVES that last year more maple tree seeds were produced than at any other time in history..the most ever since the beginning of time..its true..because its the MOST EVER WITNESSED ever..in the entire three years we have lived at this house..

Scot

Good analogy!