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wisdom from my doc

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?


A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?



Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....



For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:



1. The Japanese eat very little fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
 
Nice. I showed this to my mom. I don't think she believes the stuff about chocolate and fried foods (rats!)

lol!
 
Lemme guess, your doctor's name is Nick lol
 
Speaking English is apparently what kills you

:D

That's why I'm learning Binary alphabet, but how to pronounce it... ???


"00110010 1010100110 010101 010010010 0100010 !!!"
 
Lolz all around! :D
 
That's why I'm learning Binary alphabet, but how to pronounce it...

The same way adults speak to Charlie Brown and friends. :)
 
Actually I found that if you do it long enough and develop a vibrational rhythm with speaking "one zero zero one one zero..." it becomes like a chant or mantra device! :D
 
Actually I found that if you do it long enough and develop a vibrational rhythm with speaking "one zero zero one one zero..." it becomes like a chant or mantra device! :D

Have you seen the episode of Futurama where Bender joins the robotology church and recites that binary code prayer at dinner until everyone falls asleep in their food?
Classic, lol.

Can't seem to find a clip of it though...
 
  • #10
TYD, i've been searching for that clip for the past hour. lol
 
  • #12
I have it on DVD - c'mon over! :D

"I had a nightmare Fry, I thought I saw a two!"
-Bender
 
  • #14
Next Sunday on Comedy Central at 9 pm EST/8 CMT is a new 2 hour Futurama "Into the Wild Green Yonder".

I don't remember whether it was here or on another forum but they are bringing Futurama back (23 episodes or something) for the 2009/2010 season. According to article which was posted but it didn't mention a channel, whether it would be Adult Swim, Comedy Central or Fox or somewhere else.
 
  • #15
my friend told me about his grampa one time who was getting pretty old i guess and the doctor said he needed to change his diet or else he wouldnt live much longer. for twenty years he had been eating eggs, bacon, and sausage, and various other "fatty/high cholesterol" foods for dinner and never a single vegetable.
he changed his diet according to what the doctor said and started eating healthier low fat foods and vegetables and going on walks etc.... he died three weeks later
 
  • #16
ReBoot has a scene where theres a count dow in binary, they say zero as oh, one oh one, one oh oh, ETC. Hmmmm isn't oh instead of zero?
 
  • #17
LOL! Not that it's funny he's dead or anything but it shows that everyone's diet is different. There are often "reasons" why certain people can eat "bad stuff" and others can't get away with it; genetics, how active the person is otherwise, do they drink alcohol (thins the blood), etc. With my no alcohol and inactive lifestyle I should be living on dry grape nuts and lettuce leaves but of course, I don't!

Hmm, saying it with "oh" makes it much more vibratory and even more chant like! :D
 
  • #18
i think fast food is by far the WORST food anybody could ever eat. i started eating fast food about 2 years ago and it got to the point i was eating it every other day and i gained 50 pounds. two weeks ago my girlfriend and i decided to go on a "diet" that basically just cuts out ALL fast food and we have each lost 15 pounds already...
 
  • #19
I lived on Mountain Dew for over a decade (probably closer to two decades), I never ever drank any water. Now I only drink ice tap water, I don't even like soda anymore. But when I first quit the soda I dropped 20 lbs almost immediately. I quit eating out and that makes a big difference too both in health and money wise. What I'd spend to go out to eat with someone I can buy my grocery's for at least half the week, sometimes all week.
 
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