User Tag List

Informational! Informational!:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 9 to 16 of 23

Thread: Realization of Being Lost

  1. #9
    i dont do pots. amphirion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    SF Bay Area, US
    Posts
    3,498
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    maybe i should clarify my stance as well. i wouldnt care about the age issue at all. as for the age issue of the 4 year difference, a relationship between an 17 year old and 13 year old will be different from an 18 year old and 22 year old, which will be different from a 30 year old and a 26 year old even though they all have a difference 4 years just because of maturity issues. that's all i have to say about that.

    with that being said, i will give the guy my sister choses to date the broken legs talk regardless of his age.
    pretty much in line with what rattler said, there's away of getting the message across without losing self control or composure. also trusting sisters to make the right decisions goes hand in hand with giving them advice, but not dictation--that only causes bitterness and resentment.
    " You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." -Inigo Montoya
    +growlist
    +petiolaris drosera going dormant?
    +picture thread

  2. #10
    wicked good plants! Presto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    1,257
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)


    You all do realize we are a full DECADE into the 21st century here?

    I would not want to date a guy who treated me well because he was afraid of getting beaten up by my hypothetical big brother. I would want to date a guy who treated me well because he knew right from wrong and respected me as an equal. If your sisters can't tell the difference between those two types of men, then there is a problem.

    One thing we all must learn as older siblings, as parents, as friends, is that in situations like these, people must forge their own path and make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow. Offering unsolicited advice (even if we KNOW we're right), does nothing but cause resentment and ruin their opportunity to learn. (especially if it turns out WE were wrong!)
    -Emily

  3. #11
    Let's positive thinking! seedjar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Olympia, Washington
    Posts
    4,064
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I hate to say it but it could get worse, and probably will. I don't have close siblings so it's difficult for me to say, but I do have close female friends that I can get pretty insanely protective over, so I sympathize with you. You should just hope that she's choosing this guy because he's a good guy and watches out for her. Save the judgements for when you meet him. I certainly won't fault you for splitting his lip if he turns out to be a jerkwad. Sounds like you're coming around alright on your own though. Take care.
    ~Joe
    o//~ Livin' like a bug ain't easy / My old clothes don't seem to fit me /
    I got little tiny bug feet / I don't really know what bugs eat /
    Don't want no one steppin' on me / Now I'm sympathizin' with fleas /
    Livin' like a bug ain't easy / Livin' like a bug ain't easy... o//~

  4. #12
    instigator thez_yo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    San Diego, USA
    Posts
    5,025
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    While I realize working for a few months in a different country without being in the military is vastly different from doing so and experiencing all of the things you have, BuddhistAdam, I understand what you're going through and I've felt culture shock from being someplace where they even speak the same language as my originating country. I've even felt culture shock from spending a few months in Hawaii, having grown up in lower 48. I'd say if you just got back, the first month you will feel really strange, miss people's physical and social cues, be confused at the grocery store, and feel like you're messing up the things you're trying to communicate with other people (how you speak with others will have changed) that came so easily to you before. I felt like an outsider for a good 2-3 months after I got back from Hawaii to the main land, and there's just nothing I could do to change that. You now have an experience from this trip, for life, that will affect the way you see things and how you live your life. You just have to figure out, within yourself how to integrate that to work with, instead of fight against or try to domineer, how you live your life back here again.

    In order to make sure you're not being ostracized or abandoned by other people for what they think is very offensive or strange behavior, I think you have to sit down with them and have a serious discussion about the fact that you just lived in a different place with different social expectations including communication with other people, food, sleep, level of tension (e.g. the fear of being shot at), and even hygene. If you can, walk them through a day in the life of you over there. If you can't, tell them so. You might not understand what is happening with everyone else "back home", but also they don't understand what's going on with you and what *you* need in order to settle back in, because they haven't gone through what you have.

  5. #13
    scottychaos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Western New York, USA
    Posts
    2,970
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    not seeing the problem here..sorry..
    especially considering she is 18..

    if she was 14 dating an 18 year old..ok then..feel free to freak out!
    (not to mention getting the law involved!)

    but at 18..its up to her..she can date a 50 year old guy if she feels like it!
    sorry Adam..probably not what you want to hear..but IMO an 18 year old dating a 22 year old is a total non-issue..

    age is irrelevant..
    she could date an 18 year old loser jerk..
    or a 28 year old really nice guy..
    age simply isnt a factor.

    and the older you get, the less important it is..
    my wife is 5 years older than me!
    and I was surprised to find out my sister (who is two years younger than me) is married to a 50 year old guy!
    and she is 38! (I didnt learn how old he was until a few years after they had been married..he doesnt look it! and I never thought to ask..)
    but I had no idea he was "that old"..and it totally doesnt matter..
    he is a great husband and father..

    (your sister probably also doesn't deserve you taking out your Iraq frustrations on her..none of that has anything to do with her..just an observation..I would say you way over-reacted, on a few different levels..)

    Scot

  6. #14

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    470
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Adam, your feelings are completely valid. You’re in a very different environment, and your life is chaotic now. You’re going through a lot of inner changes in order to cope. Because of those changes you seek stability. You want to think of your home as you knew it, and you want to think of family members as you knew them. But the reality is that they are changing too. It’s difficult for you to understand those changes because you aren’t there to see how and why they are changing. You are aware of some of the effects, but not the causes. It’s going to take a lot of understanding on your part when you finally go home to feel that you are home again. You will never forget your experiences in Iraq that have resulted in new attitudes that you have. But also, you can’t forget your experiences while growing up and how they shaped you. There will likely be inner conflicts as you try to integrate your Iraq experiences and attitudes with your home experiences and attitudes. Although the process will be difficult, the potential is for you to emerge a better person with a broader view of the world who is thankful for family and comfortable at home.

  7. #15
    animal lover, aquarium and CP enthusiast MidnightSkies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Northern IL
    Posts
    91
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I can understand how you're feeling protective of your sister, especially because you're feeling disconnected from everyone and everything you knew. I'm guessing that part of that might be because you don't want things to change even more while you're away. You can still be the protective older brother, but you do need to try not to be the controlling older brother. They are both adults, and trying to control things will only distance her more. If he treats her badly in anyway, then most definitely you need to be the protective big brother, but if nothing has went wrong, show her support. She probably needs that more. I'm speaking from personal experience with that. I'm in a 3 1/2 year relationship with a man 4 years older than I am. He is a wonderful person and has never used me, disrespected me, pushed me into things, or treated me badly in anyway. Not everyone is a bad person. We're planning on getting married once we're able to figure out financial problems. For me personally, if someone were to come up and tell me who I can and can't be with, and threaten the person that I care about and who has done nothing wrong, I would not want to talk to them much. But your sister isn't the real problem here...

    As far as getting used to "home" again, it's not going to be something that will happen over night. It will take a lot of getting used to again, and you will have build up a lot of relationships again. It will take time. Your family and friends, even though they might seem different and like you don't know them anymore, they are still the same people. People are constantly changing, and you will have to learn new things about them, but they are still the same person, and they still care about you just the same. Being afraid to go back home is perfectly normal. You'll learn though that things won't be as bad as you think they will.

    My fiance was previously enlisted, although not active, and there was still that getting used to home all over again feeling. Plus with being in a long distance relationship it makes things much worse. He's planning on re-enlisting for active duty this time, so we both have to be ready for things if he goes through with it.

  8. #16
    ellisonk001's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Mililani Hawaii
    Posts
    1,103
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Adam,

    While I understand being a protective brother, I have to agree with what several others have already voiced; at your sister’s age a four year difference really shouldn’t be an issue. If he makes her happy and treats her well, please be happy for her. Pushing this issue, especially from half way around the world will drive a wedge between you that may take years to work out.

    As for being lost, I would disagree. Have things changed, yes. However, that does not mean you are lost. Believe it or not, I understand exactly what you are through. I was born and raised in a small Midwestern town and joined the military a week after graduating from high school. I then, went on to spend most of my 20+ year military career overseas. There have been several times that I felt out of place when I went “home”. However, I have always stayed very close with my family. I believe the key is open, honest communications. Things will never be the same, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be close. It will take effort, but it is certainly possible. As for “home”, it has changed too, but you will be surprised, over the long-term, how much it will influence the way you see and react to things for the rest of your life. Even if you have changed and your “home” has changed it will continue to shape many things as you learn and grow. Sometime, the changes just seem to be too much, but in the long run it is still “home”.

    Change is often very uncomfortable, but is a necessary part of growing.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Lost Cause?
    By mcantrell in forum Pitcher Plants: (Sarracenia, Heliamphora, Darlingtonia, Cephalotus)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-05-2009, 03:58 PM
  2. Lost in the Mail
    By JRFxtreme in forum General Discussions
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-16-2007, 04:05 PM
  3. At what point is a nep a lost cause?
    By chris in forum Tropical Pitcher Plants  (Nepenthes)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 02-25-2007, 03:02 AM
  4. Lost my camera
    By back2eight in forum General Discussions
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-15-2006, 06:07 AM
  5. New to CP and very very lost
    By Kate in forum Venus Flytrap (Dionaea ) Care Information & Tips
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-27-2002, 05:55 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •