My sister, who is 18, Is dating a guy who is 4 years older than she is which puts him a year older than me. I was so angry I litterally decided to go to Virginia to do the brotherly threatening with some PTSD added in for some spice. Then my sister wrote me back after I replied with and angry letter which went like this: "Whoa!!! You're right, I DON'T know him. But I do know guys especially older guys. And I NEVER "got on you" about him! I simply asked how old he was! You're my baby sister! And don't you tell me to relax! You don't know what the f*** I got goin' on over here in Iraq! You don't know about the S*** I've had to deal with over here!! And now I found out you're dating some guy who's 4 YEARS older than you while I'm overseas and you're telling me to RELAX?! F*** THAT! You don't know what it's like to wake up hoping you don't die because some Iraqi f***thinks he'll go to heaven for killing an "infidel". I'm not the same guy I use to be, Holly! So if I want to get pi**** because this guy looks older than ME and YOU'RE dating him, I have every f****** right to do so! Because I love you and I can't be there for you! So I'd appreciate it if you took all that s*** into consideration before telling me to BACK THE **** OFF!
I love you Holly I mean that! There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you and you know that."
And then she replied and suddenly the anger is extinguished and in its place is an all too familiar emptiness... My sister Holly brought something to my attention: I'm losing my loved ones. Not in the sense that I no longer speak to them but in the sense that they are strangers including her. I don't know if I even want to go to the place I once called home. How can I go to a place where the familiar faces of loved ones are the masks of the people I once knew? I felt like a stranger in my own home when I left for R&R..
My sister is a young woman, I see my father growing older in years and my cousins as well. I feel the changes in myself as well. Whereas I used to be happy and rambunctious most of the time I now feel old and angry. I am, I fearfully admit, AFRAID to go "home". Home is where someone belongs. I am stranded between a place that is beginning to feel more and more like home all the time while losing my place in the world I was once familiar with.
"you don't know who I am anymore" Those words hit me like a stone. I am lost. I have lost most of my high school friends and most of my local friends from "home"....