how the Norwegians came to be in the US
At first the Norse went to Ireland. After awhile the local populace approached St. Patrick and complained that the newcomers were using up all of the potatoes for lefse and other tasteless items. St. Patrick called all of the Norse together and said, "All of you Norway people, you go to hell!", so they packed up and headed to North Dakota. And that is the story of how St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.
---------- Post added at 12:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:18 PM ----------
Ole and Sven are sitting in a boat.
So Ole asks Sven, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off 'der boats?"
To which Sven replies, "Well, you know, if they fell forwards they'd still be in de boat!"
Ole went to work for the CIA and failed his first assignment.
Sent out to blow-up a car, he burned his lips on the tail pipe.
The Norwegians invented the toilet seat.
Five years later, the Swedes put a hole in it.
Ole heard guys talk about how much fun ice fishing was, so late one boring night he decided to try it. He rummaged around, found an old lantern and a rusty hatchet, and wandered off into the night until he found a big patch of ice.
As he started to chop away, a booming horizon-to-horizon voice said "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THERE."
Ole ignored the voice — thought that he'd just imagined it — and continued to chop away.
"I SAID 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THERE!'"
Ole continued to chop, albeit a bit shakily.
"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THERE!"
Discombobulated to the core, Ole jumped up, dropped the hatchet, knocked the lantern over, and shouted into the dark "Wh-who are you — G-God?"
"NO. THE RINK MANAGER."
Ole's pulling into Sven's driveway,...sees a sign, "Boat For Sale"
Pulls in, parks, and goes to visitin' a bit,
"Sven, I saw your sign, and I know you don't have no boat, all you've got is that old Massey Ferguson and that worn out baler!
Sven, ....that's right, and I'm sellin' em' Boat !
Sven und Ole go out Deer hunting...
Ole accidentally shoots Sven, mistaking him for a deer...
So they rush him into the Hospital in Duluth, and he is rushed right into surgery...
The doctor comes and has to inform Ole, that sadly they couldn't save Sven...
Ole starts to cry about his lost hunting buddy...
Doctor asks Ole " so you were out deer hunting when you accidentally shot Sven, is that right?"
" ya, dat it" replies Ole...
"Well Ole" says the doctor " the next time you accidentally shoot a friend while out deer hunting... unlike a deer going to the check in station, you don't have to gut him before you bring him into the Emergency Room!"
Ole and Lena lived on the border of Norda'kota and Souda'kota.
Some years on their taxes, they claim they live in Norda'kota and some years they claim they live in Souda'kota..
Finally the States of Norda'kot and Souda'kota send folks from the Dept of Revenue to their farm...
Dey say, Ole.. you can't claim you live in Norda'kota some years, and then Souda'kota odder years...we're going to send out the 'surweighers' und dey is goin' to surweight da farm.. and sees zactly where da state lines runs...
So da surweighers comes d'out and they surweight Ole's und Lena's farm... dey finds dat the barn sits in Souda'kota and the chicken coop sits in Norda'kota and the state line runs right thru the middle of the house...
So's da states of Norda'koda and Souda'koda comes out again and they give Ole and Lena da new...but dey says to Ole... you'se can pick Norda'koda or Souda'koda as a residences... you'se can't pick da both...we's vill be back in dah veek to gets your answer...
So's da States of Norda'kodas and Souda'kodas dey comes back in a veek..und dey asks Ole " so vhich is it goings to be Ole? You gonna live in Norda'kodas or Souda'kodas?
Ole says "vell, me's and Lenas.. ve talked it d'over... ve's dinkin ve's going to claim to be Souda'koda residents..."
So da representative from Norda'koda asks" is it because Souda'koda's gots cheaper taxes"
" No " says Ole.." dey's 'bout da same.... but Lena made da decisions...she's says to me.. Ole, Lets live in Souda'koda...
I've about had it wid Norda'koda vinters!"
Sven and Ole worked together in a Minnesota factory and both were laid off… Sooo…dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Ole said, “Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties.”
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week in unemployment compensation.
Sven, when asked his occupation replied, “Diesel Fitter”. The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter and it was classified as a skilled job. So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.
When Ole found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his benefits.
The clerk explained, “Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor.”
“Vat skill? yelled Ole. “I sew da elastic on da panties. Sven puts dem over his head and says, “Yah,…………… DIESEL FITTER”.
Vat's 10 blocks long und has da I.Q of 6?
Dat be last veeks Sons of Norway Parade in Dulute.....
Ole takes his buddy Sven into the Nursery at the hospital in Sioux Falls to show him his new son that Lena just delivered...
As dey admire da new baby boy, Sven can't help but noticin' dat da baby is Mulatto....
"So's Ole.." sez Sven " ain't ja a liddle mad at Lena for dat new baby??"
"Vot for?" ask Ole...
" Vell Ole, don'cha tink dat baby is kinda dark?" asks Sven..
" Ja,vell Uffda... he choor is, but vhat's ya gonna do??" replies Ole...
"So's you'se not mad at Lena dat the baby's kinda dark den?"
" naw " sez Ole..." ever since we been done married, dat voman.. she burns every ting!"
Ole, had just got done moving to his "new" farm, and then walked 20 miles to town to get some groceries.
When he got back to his farm, he found the barn was on fire. Ole dropped his groceries and ran into the house and called the Fire Department.
"This is Ole!" he yelled into the phone. "you got to come over here right away! "My barn is on fire!"
The fire Chief responded, "Ole!" "How do we get there?"
Ole answered, (a little bit indignantly),
"WELL ... You still got the Red Truck don't Ya?"
Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Boyceville, WI. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, 'Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees called in sick.'
thats all i can think of right now.........