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Thread: What Living in Florida REALLY Means...

  1. #1
    Charlatan lizasaur's Avatar
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    What Living in Florida REALLY Means...

    I found this.
    And I love it.
    My mom and I cried because we were laughing so hard.
    I copy/pasted directly from http://www.floridaspizza.com/2010/11...1-the-weather/, only because I wanted to make my own annotations and had to clean up the colorful language. >.>
    My thoughts are in blue.
    Black is the original story not written by me.

    Now, I may gloat playfully because my Sarracenia were some of the first to wake up and start putting up pitchers in February while nearly everyone else's were just putting out flowers if they weren't completely buried in snow...and yes, I can grow a pitchering N. Bicalcarata outside, too! I'm so "lucky" to live here because I can kick back and let nature do most of the work on my CPs. But what is the price of my "good fortune"?

    You guys have likely heard me say something about how Florida doesn't get Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, but rather: Pollen season, Lovebug season, Hurricane season, and "Oh, I need to wear jeans today" season. This blog post explores these in detail.



    We’re going a bit off topic this week. As we approach Winter across the country, I often hear, “Gosh I’d love to live in Florida” quite a bit from the Snowbirds when they are here on vacation… So, you want to move to Florida?




    The Weather.

    Yep, its awesome. Not really though. Today is November 15th, it was 80 degrees today. Awesome you say? Hang on and let me give you the 30 day forecast that began last month. Sunny, high 77 low 60 Chance of Rain 10%. 30 consecutive days of this. I’m sure you are reading this saying, “oh man, 25 straight days of sun and no rain.” Nothing like the gray skies of the northeast here.

    Suffer from allergies? Yeah, year round here. Even in February the temp. reaches 80 degrees – last years “cold” winter 80 degrees by Jan. 17th – and while it cools off in the evening, it never rains to help get the pollen count down. If your grass is still alive after the watering restrictions (despite being surrounded by water, we have a major shortage), you will have to cut it year round! Doesn’t that sound fun? Don’t worry, if you survive the winter, surely the Spring is better, right?


    OH. My. GOD. These pictures do no justice to what is Pollen season. With 6 oak trees on our tiny property, my car had a deep yellow-green tinge, the trees appeared to be full of fresh spring leaves (when infact, they were pretty much bare and just SO full of pollen. And then on the deck, the pollen was ankle deep.

    By May the relative humidity is above 70% daily, and the chance of rain improves significantly as does the chances of you having to cut your grass twice a week! Pollen? Hope you like your yellow/green car. Oh and don’t forget the annual visitation of the “love bugs”.


    There's an urban legend that lovebugs are actually the product of a lab, created to eat mosquitoes, which is why they don't have any natural enemies and oh...they don't even mosquitoes @_@ Although in truth, I think all of the anoles and frogs are busy getting fat and happy off them.

    These gems visit twice annually. Ask any Floridian, and “this year” is the worst they have ever been. Leave these babies on your car, and you will never get them off the paint. If you are the “smart” auto buyer in Florida and purchase a White car… Oh wait, that’s not smart at all, these things are attracted to bright colors, especially white! Stop at a traffic light and its like flies on poop. Prepare a budget of $50 a month in car washing and detailing.





    Ah, you’ve survived the Spring, the fact that your A/C has already been on for three months (since March). Surely the summer is the best right? Theme parks, beaches, boating, awesome! Oh wait? What’s that? Hurricanes? “Just a bit of wind and rain” as it was explained to me from a native when I asked. Any northerner can live through it right?

    IT IS JUST WIND AND RAIN. Depending on where you live My city is perched just perfectly geographically so we almost never get directly hit- actually, IIRC, we haven't been in like, 20 years, and either way...rain, wind. Small branches may fall, Sarracenia pitchers will get broken, and the roads might get a bit flooded. Nothing even close to major, though. This guy however, lives in one of the worst possible areas, and when power goes out (which CAN and DOES happen, despite minimal damage) well...let's just say I can relate to some of his pains.

    Wrong James. Hurricanes are not to be underestimated. 30% of all hurricanes that make landfall in the US, make it in Florida! Yeah baby! You think the news up north is crazy the day before 3″ of snow? Just come down here a few days before a hurricane or Tropical Storm. Store shelves are empty, gas pumps.. empty. All of them. Oh ok, you’ve got your hurricane survival kit? You’ve filled up your bathtub with water just like the news said, and are awaiting this category 2 hurricane to pass through. Enjoy working the day before if you are in the service industry, forget about being able to evacuate after all its only a catagory 2 storm (winds up to 105 mph) you have to work tomorrow!

    Ok the hurricane is here. Wait! What’s that you say? It’s still 100 miles away? But we’ve already lost power and work said not to come in until tomorrow! The friggin' power company turned off the power on purpose? JERKS! That’s “Progress” for you – Yes the power company here is called Progress Energy. That’s progress.

    Ok its been 4 hours since you’ve lost power, its raining so hard you can’t see outside, and are thinking how you can fit that Johnson outboard onto the back of your caddy, and then the wind comes.

    The inside walls of your apartment shake so hard, that pictures fall off the wall. Windows break and a ton of water comes in. Why? Because chances are the windows were installed between 1980 and 2004, a period know known as “build baby build”. Nobody gave a damn about building standards or codes during this period.

    What’s that? It stopped raining? No more wind? The sun is peeking out? Quick turn on the emergency weather radio (if your 8 D – Cell batteries still have juice from the last 4 hours). It’s the “eye” of the storm? Don’t go outside? Sorry weather guy, I’m going outside. I’ve been trapped hiding in my bathroom inside the middle of my house with candles listening to you tell me that the storm is intensifying not weakening as it passes through southern Florida. You get outside, and … crap.



    You look to the sky, and see some more dark coming. You’ve heard about it before, the “eye-wall” is approaching. Get the heck inside now, and hang on. “Just a bit of wind and rain”. If I ever get my hands on the jerk who told me that line… The entire structure shakes as it starts to blow really hard. It sounds like a freight train outside AND inside. Interior walls start to show signs of water entry. Your glass slider (because every house/apartment/condo in Florida is built with one) shakes so much it comes off its tracks and joins you in the bathroom to ride out the rest of the storm. FOR ANOTHER 3 HOURS.



    Ah… Peace at least. The crappy weather radio went out an hour ago because your 8 D-Cell batteries are dead. You check your cell phone to let your loved ones know you survived, and … no signal. No big deal, it should come back soon right? After all the power company was ready for the storm – it was expected for the last 10 days right?

    You eat some awesome Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for dinner (for the next 6 nights – yum!) and realize that you will be sleeping with nature that night. No A/C and… awesome its 89 degrees out with relative humidity of 90%. Comfortable sleeping weather indeed!

    The next day, you instinctively turn on your light in the morning and discover the power is still out. OK no big deal, everybody’s lost power before, and we can survive. Its only 96 degrees today and the humidity is 80%. Much more comfortable than yesterday. Hmmm better try to check in with loved ones. Nope, cell phone is now dead as it was searching for a signal for the last 18 hours. You run out to the car, to charge your phone. Finally after 36 hours of absolutely no communication, you finally let everybody know you are ok. You learn that it was indeed a category 3 hurricane (MAJOR) that you survived, and that power isn’t expected to be restored for…. a week. Yes, one week without power. Ever tried showering with no power and no windows, forget the hot water too… no gas water heaters here! Of course, you still have to make a living, which means that you must go back to work on day 3 of no power, no running water, and no shower. You drive to work…



    Navigate around broken concrete power poles in the road on your way in and arrive at your first “Florida” intersection. I call it a Florida intersection because in Florida 75% of the intersections have at least 2 lanes in each direction, in addition to 2 dedicated turn lanes in each direction. With no traffic light and really no reason for anyone to be on the road except to be going to work, you follow the instructions from the guy on the radio to treat this ***** like a 4 way stop sign. Or is that 6 way stop with the turn lanes? To heck with it, you stop, look at people with that dare look in your eyes and gun it. You dodge the Land Rover who didn’t even bother stopping and make it through the intersection. You do this at minimum 7 more times on your 2 hour commute 4 miles down the road to work.

    After 2 days of the worst commute known to man, no shower, no hot food, no safe water from the faucet, no A/C, no outside world contact, you look at your gas tank on day 4 and see that you are almost out of gas! Uh-oh, better go get some. Enjoy the 4 hour line to pay $3.90 a gallon (2005) for regular as people fight at the pumps over how much they are “allowed” to get. Thankfully, your wait was only 3 hours that day and no fights broke out as the police were already at the gas station from so fights occurring that day.

    In all, you went a whole 7 days with no power. Aren’t you glad you are in Florida? I mean, no more shoveling snow right its a trade-off.

    One of the most overlooked awesome weather facts about Florida, its #1 in the county for Tornado outbreaks. #1. More tornado’s here than any other state in the county – yet another consequence of land falling hurricanes. If you are lucky enough to keep your property insurer from dropping you, next year you vow to leave even if a tropical storm is predicted.

    I dunno about the tornado fact either. Florida outdoing any of tornado alley seems a bit ridiculous. But maybe I'm just saying that because the mere idea of tornadoes terrify me. I should also make a note that climate change is whooping Florida- we haven't had many storms, certainly no intense ones...it's not raining as it ought to either, which is bad news for me. And as of 2010-2011, we experienced WINTER. For reals. I had to wear jeans more than a week

  2. #2
    Tastes like chicken! Exo's Avatar
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    I'll trade my boxelder bugs for your lovebugs.
    Some days it just isn't worth chewing thru the restraints.

    My growlist: http://www.terraforums.com/forums/sh...255#post961255

    Video of my birth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xc5wIpUenQ

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    One question. Do Foridians driving through the bug storms REALLY need to be on the phone while doing so? Sorry, pet peeve, some people can pull it off, most can't, even when they swear they can. I you can' frag a dude in your fave online action shooter while watching the super bowland kaming a sandwich, you probably shouldn't talk and drive.

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    mass's Avatar
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    oh... my god. I SO WANT TO MOVE TO FLORIDA, for a week.

  5. #5
    Charlatan lizasaur's Avatar
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    @Exo: No way. Lovebugs, while potentially ruining cars, don't infest houses Plus, these guys don't scare me. Boxelders look creepy

    @KDodds: Eh...I recognize that sorta phone- he's a state worker or a contractor of some sorts and it's a walkie-talkie, so it's not like a teen girl totally immersed in whatever conversation she's having about prom or some such.

    @Mass: You should! You should get some beach house and retire here properly No seriously though, we have snowbirds because our winters are mild and we see the sun most of the time.

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    SirKristoff's Avatar
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    Sad thing is... this is all completely true... lived there for 14 years, and cant honestly say i miss the place... lol

  7. #7
    Charlatan lizasaur's Avatar
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    Weee, backup!

    Ahahahahaha, of course it's true XD It's written by a poor dude that got suckered into moving here, and got the +5 from my mom who's lived here for most of her years, and this 22 year native

    If I didn't love my plants and reptiles so much I'd seriously just move to Chicago.

  8. #8
    pik's Avatar
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    O_O

    *hugs his CA weather* "never leave me, I will love you despite the earthquakes and threat of breaking off to go join Hawaii"
    Grow to learn, learn to grow.

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