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New Grower's Troubleshooting Guide (playful tease)

Step 1: Buy plant you have neither a clue about nor proper conditions for.
Step 2: Realization that after being in your care, your plant doesn’t look like (fill in blank)’s plant.
Step 3: Ask everyone on Terraforums to identify the problem, ignore search function.
Step 4: Only listen to answers you like or answers you made up your mind about already.
Step 5: Dispute advice and disregard any answer that isn’t black and white.
Step 6: Alter the parameter you now believe is causing the problem.
Step 7: Since step 6 didn't work, alter the parameter in the other direction.
Step 8: Realize that the parameter had nothing to do with the problem to begin with.
Step 9: Identify another parameter that's causing the problem.
Step 10: Repeat steps 2-9 for every conceivable parameter.
Step 11: Realization that there are no easy black and white answers and one size does not fit all.
Step 12: Multiple choice, select best answer.
a. Kill plant and blame plant and/or source you got it from
b. Give plant away and blame plant and/or source you got it from.
c. Learn how to grow plant successfully

hehehehe just having some tongue and cheek fun, we were all new once :)
 
Pfffffft, so true....if I had a nickle for every time I saw this happen...I'd buy a greenhouse and could skip most of those steps. :p
 
Funny how it ended up being 12 steps.... lol
 
LOL I chose C! No disputing here, stands to reason that you all know more than me! I'm still kind of a noob but I have 5 years experience under my belt now :) I definitely forget to use the search function though lol!
 
I like this a lot. Sticky material methinks.
 
Hahahah, it's like I was reading about myself :)
 
yes......hahahaha. still do this from time to time. but in my defense, there arent many cultivation tips for the plants i work with. XD
 
the true engineers diagram needs to be done :p Needs another one. sometimes a miracle occurs.....
 
  • #10
Step 3A: Ensure that location is not listed in profile nor in post requesting help
Step 3B: Do not include pics of plants or include pics of such low quality that nothing is visibly identifiable
Step 3C: Exclude all information on growing conditions - especially hi & low temps, humidity range, type of lighting & distance to lights, media composition & watering regimen
 
  • #11
OMG, he is talking about me on half those things, :blush: Gotta find that search button...and then use it.

Yes, most of us were new once and have been there, done that. Well done Butch!
 
  • #12
Awesome Av! I'm happy I came to TF with a bit of knowledge, otherwise everyone would see me as the noob I am!

Ron, the photo thing, that is so true!

"I took photo, but with potato camra, so bad, si this plant want?"
 
  • #13
HE HE They say the court jester was the only one who could tell the truth without getting his head lopped off. :awesome:
 
  • #15
yes......hahahaha. still do this from time to time. but in my defense, there arent many cultivation tips for the plants i work with. XD

I know what you mean. Half of the orchids I grow have little no no culture info online.
 
  • #16
Nice list, Av, it's amazing how true all of that is now that I think bout it. Need to find that search button! :D

Ron, the photo thing, that is so true!

"I took photo, but with potato camra, so bad, si this plant want?"

Haha, or something like "identify this plant" with a blurry picture of one leaf of a nepenthes without pitchers...
 
  • #17
Ah, remember step 13....
buy new, more expensive & rare plant & begin again!
 
  • #18
So true! I've been on a bunch of reptile forums recently, and it's insane how well this fits in regard to herps! I believe I'll cross post this, if you don't mind.
 
  • #19
Oh, my, this is funny! I agree, sticky!
 
  • #20
So true! I've been on a bunch of reptile forums recently, and it's insane how well this fits in regard to herps! I believe I'll cross post this, if you don't mind.

Go right ahead, I "borrowed" the idea from a similar list I saw on an aquarium forum....

and I really like Ron's additions...

I think most of us see some of ourselves in this list... I know I do :)
 
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