Puns!

[cp777]

Enjoy!

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.



I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.



When chemists die, they barium.



Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.



A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.



How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.



I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.



This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.



I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.



I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words ..



They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.




Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.



Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.



I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.



Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?



When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.



What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.



I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!



Broken pencils are pointless.



England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .



I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.



I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.



All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.



I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.



Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.



Velcro - what a rip off!



Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.



Venison for dinner? Oh deer!



Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.



I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

 

[Keith]

Funny stuff!

 

[amphirion]

*punny stuff.

 

[cp777]

*punny stuff.

 

[n bicalcarata]

lol literally almost rotfl

 

[Nepenthesis]

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

 

[cp777]

A new one:

A man ran up a hill and yet he walked. Yet He was the name of his dog.

 

[fdfederation]

I like Yeti better.

 

[asid61]

No more... (gasp)

 

[mcmcnair]

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a medium at large.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Local Area Network in Australia=LAN down under
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
What's the definition of a will? A dead giveaway...
A bicycle can't stand on its own because its two-tired.

Welp, that's all I got

 

[cp777]

Some names

A man named “Christmas” became a priest. He became “father Christmas”.

Justin time

A man whose last name was “pig” called his daughters “Ima” and “Ura”.

Dr. Death (apparently he changed his name!)

 

[Wire Man]

I once walked into a shop called Good Wood and gave them a hard time.

 

[cp777]

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

 

[cp777]

I just made this one:

Q. Do people have souls?
A. Yes, on their feet.

 

[cp777]

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

 

[boxofrain]

A man whose last name was “pig” called his daughters “Ima” and “Ura”.
ummm, that was a Texas Governor I believe...and their true name was Hogg. It is a true story and actual names.

 

[Wire Man]

A man digs three holes. Well, well, well.

 

[cp777]

That storm was pretty in tents!