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Talking to ex's

  • #21
Notice there are no women replying to this thread.

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  • #22
Uh, excuse me, but I'm not a guy  --  I did respond to this.  And, Schoalty, I don't feel stuck.  I gave my opinion of this thread.  I agree with you, also, about guys not always comfortable with their emotional sides & gals usually the ones that want to 'talk.'  I think some very thoughtful points were made here, especially how unique & changeable relationships are.  I realize this is a primarily male board but I would be interested in hearing from some of you females out there on this, myself.
 
  • #23
Just for lavenderdawn...  
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I used to foolishly believe that platonic friendships can exist after a breakup (mutual or not, it's still OUCH right?) until I've got YELLED at for staying friends by the very same person who suggested that we remained friends!

After that, I'm thankful that the rest of the axed (pun intended) boyfriends were more HEARTLESS to stay away.

And they are REALLY good at that 'cos Singapore is only a dot on the world map (umm...actually a full-stop is already too big to represent the area) and I have only met one of them once head-on!  And that happened like 10 yrs after we broke up!!! lol  
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  • #24
I guess I have to come out about this a bit more.  I don't speak from theory - I have had several "ex's."  Most of them I have not a clue where they have gotten themselves off to.  And one of them came back & I married him.  But one, who also was my oldest son's father (my son is now 22), stayed with me only a couple of years, left/was "asked" to get out, & later married - then divorced - is now back in our lives again.  We had a yucky break & then years apart, but he was friends with Tamlin in high school (they are both Gemini - that may be relevant to some) so when he moved back into town, reconnected with him (& sort of with his son who never really knew him).  While things between the 3 of us were a little edgy at first & I was very careful how I related with him, we all get along fine now, like the old friends that we are.  This ex now has a new partner who we both enjoy & the 4 of us do things together like have dinner at each others' houses, we're planning a Mars watch evening together, etc.
My point in dragging everyone through all this is that given the time & circumstances, you never know where you may end up.  I can certainly see the points of those who have posted before here, but I still have a problem with generalities. And, I am all for trying to stay friendly.  You have to do what is right for you in the moment  -- with some thought to the future, too.  But even so, you just never know...
I see it all as a big circle with us dancing in & out of it, sometimes just hanging out along the edge & sometimes taking the center spot.
 
  • #25
I dont see any problem with staying friends with exs. Im friends with my ex husband and a few others as well. If anyone has a problem they need to realize NOBODY chooses my friends but yours truely (ME)
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If anyone has a problem with it they need to go deal with thier insecurities else where, life is too short for games and Im getting too old to jump thru hoops
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My goal is to surround myself with peace, harmony and happiness and Ive pretty much have that now and Id like to keep it that way. If someone comes and stirs up the pot they need to keep moving cause thats not what Im looking for.
 
  • #26
Very well put, unknownclown, I agree. And I apologize for spelling your name wrong, Schloaty, it was one of those late night posts.
 
  • #27
@Clown: I tried that once. Lost the chick, too. I just wasn't prepared to loose this one....Too many other good qualities far outweighed that one...

@ Lavendar: No worries! You should hear what telemarketers call me! LOL!!
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  • #28
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (unknownclown @ Aug. 07 2003,02:04)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">life is too short for games and Im getting too old to jump thru hoops
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My goal is to surround myself with peace, harmony and happiness and Ive pretty much have that now and Id like to keep it that way. If someone comes and stirs up the pot they need to keep moving cause thats not what Im looking for.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I just wanted to say that I like the way you put that. I seek something similar.




My view has always been to seek perfection in life, and not accept anything less. It's either all or nothing, and I'll risk everything to have everything. When I look at my life now, at my friends and my soon-to-be wife, I'm glad I took that view. I can't live in constant fear of how my innocent actions may twinge someone's insecurity, and I'm glad I didn't shirk my close friend because it might be a bit difficult in the beginning. I can't imagine sacrificing a lifetime of friendship, to save a few months of emotional trouble.

Of course, I still believe that everyone must make their own choice. Some people don't believe in putting the effort forth to find that perfection, or simply don't believe it's possible. In their situation, I think avoiding the ex would be better. I didn't want to original poster to go and lose a wonderful chance at a close friend just because "it's taboo" though. Something being "taboo" is just a social rule imposed by others for no reason but to help their insecurities. Make sure you make your own decisions in life, you'll be much happier that way.
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