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DONT DO IT!
yes, very bad news..only harm can come from it..
trust me, leave the ex in the past..
when you are talking to your current girlfriend/boyfriend about "past relationships" the key word is "past".
as long as they STAY "past" there isnt a problem..when the ex comes forward into the present, the current cant figure out why ytou want or need to talk to the ex at all...its only bad.
not worth it...
I tried it, it never works..
kiss the ex goodbye, and never look back.
Scot
yes, very bad news..only harm can come from it..
trust me, leave the ex in the past..
when you are talking to your current girlfriend/boyfriend about "past relationships" the key word is "past".
as long as they STAY "past" there isnt a problem..when the ex comes forward into the present, the current cant figure out why ytou want or need to talk to the ex at all...its only bad.
not worth it...
I tried it, it never works..
kiss the ex goodbye, and never look back.
Scot
I will have to disagree with you guys.
You say you have a healthy relationship with your partner. My definition of that would be that trust is a part of that relationship. Also, I would say much depends on the intention of your communication with your ex. And every situation is different. Each relationship we have with each other person is different & I can't see how you could generalize that it's "always bad to talk with your ex." If the person is truly your "ex" then it sounds as if the relationship is indeed over. But if that same person is merely a former partner then your relationship is just different now. People break up for all kinds of reasons & some breakups are quite civil & the former partners even stay friends.
You say you have a healthy relationship with your partner. My definition of that would be that trust is a part of that relationship. Also, I would say much depends on the intention of your communication with your ex. And every situation is different. Each relationship we have with each other person is different & I can't see how you could generalize that it's "always bad to talk with your ex." If the person is truly your "ex" then it sounds as if the relationship is indeed over. But if that same person is merely a former partner then your relationship is just different now. People break up for all kinds of reasons & some breakups are quite civil & the former partners even stay friends.
Lavender,
I used to agree with you, but my personal experience changed my mind..here is my story.
I had this one specific girlfriend ELEVEN years ago! it was 1992, we were both just out of college, we dated for one year then broke up.
during the one year that we were boyfriend & girlfriend we didnt even live in the same city!
I later moved to the same city she lived in, we stayed friends, she got married! we were still friends..totally 100% platonic, no chance of romance ever again etc etc..
So I start dating this new young lady, she knows I have a few female friends, not a problem..however when she finds out I am "still friends" with the girl I dated over 10 years ago, she doesent like it! "But why?!" I exclaim..it was 10 years ago! we only dated a year! she is married now! im friends with her AND her husband! whats the problem??"
I fought it for a year..I fought my NEW girlfriend for a year! telling her she was WRONG to be upset! it got worse and worse..all along I was holding on to the "I am allowed to have female friends" routine, being all indignant and superior.."If you cant handle me having a platonic female friend who I happened to date 10 years ago, you are the one with the problem, you are being unreasonable, you are being irrational, etc etc."
hmmm..and I was SURPRISED when my new girlfriend kept getting more and more upset about it!
why cant she see the logic here?!
in her eyes, I was choosing the old friend over her..
and the fact that the old friend was Female and a former lover, even if it was 10 years ago,REALLY didnt help the situation! I was fighting so hard to preserve "I have the right to have friends! you cant tell me what to do!" etc..that I was driving a serious wedge into our relationship..
eventually, I had to choose..the old platonic friend, or the new girlfriend...I picked my wonderfull new girlfriend!
She was right...she was irrational and unreasonable and illogical, but she was STILL right! if you have a friendship that bothers your significant other, then its wrong..period.
if you fight it, saying "you are being SO unreasonable! we are JUST FRIENDS!" you will lose.
you will end up with just your friend..
it took me lnearly 2 years of fighting my girlfriend to supposidly preserve "my rights", when all along I was losing..
do you want to "RIGHT" and alone??
or do you want to let your arguement go and make your girlfriend happy?? who is more important?? the old friend or the new person?
for me, it eventually became clear..I let a friend go, she was cool with it, and my new girlfriend got the satisfaction of "winning" the contest! (thats a REALLY big deal for Women! guys! pay attention!!
make your girlfriend the the MOST imporatant Woman in your life!! if she doesent like you hanging around with the old babe, even if its just irrational jealousy, and you KNOW you are just friends, let the old babe GO anyway! you cant fight it!! you WILL lose!
Guys are generally cooler about this kind of thing, but still, no guy likes his girlfriend being "just friends" with an old boyfriend either! especially if the past relationship was "intimate"..
So..I stand by my hard-earned advice..let the old relationships go..Completely! its for the best..
Here is my girlfriend of 2 years out in the Sarracenia Bog!
it was worth letting the old friend go.
it was the right thing to do..
Scot
I used to agree with you, but my personal experience changed my mind..here is my story.
I had this one specific girlfriend ELEVEN years ago! it was 1992, we were both just out of college, we dated for one year then broke up.
during the one year that we were boyfriend & girlfriend we didnt even live in the same city!
I later moved to the same city she lived in, we stayed friends, she got married! we were still friends..totally 100% platonic, no chance of romance ever again etc etc..
So I start dating this new young lady, she knows I have a few female friends, not a problem..however when she finds out I am "still friends" with the girl I dated over 10 years ago, she doesent like it! "But why?!" I exclaim..it was 10 years ago! we only dated a year! she is married now! im friends with her AND her husband! whats the problem??"
I fought it for a year..I fought my NEW girlfriend for a year! telling her she was WRONG to be upset! it got worse and worse..all along I was holding on to the "I am allowed to have female friends" routine, being all indignant and superior.."If you cant handle me having a platonic female friend who I happened to date 10 years ago, you are the one with the problem, you are being unreasonable, you are being irrational, etc etc."
hmmm..and I was SURPRISED when my new girlfriend kept getting more and more upset about it!
why cant she see the logic here?!
in her eyes, I was choosing the old friend over her..
and the fact that the old friend was Female and a former lover, even if it was 10 years ago,REALLY didnt help the situation! I was fighting so hard to preserve "I have the right to have friends! you cant tell me what to do!" etc..that I was driving a serious wedge into our relationship..
eventually, I had to choose..the old platonic friend, or the new girlfriend...I picked my wonderfull new girlfriend!
She was right...she was irrational and unreasonable and illogical, but she was STILL right! if you have a friendship that bothers your significant other, then its wrong..period.
if you fight it, saying "you are being SO unreasonable! we are JUST FRIENDS!" you will lose.
you will end up with just your friend..
it took me lnearly 2 years of fighting my girlfriend to supposidly preserve "my rights", when all along I was losing..
do you want to "RIGHT" and alone??
or do you want to let your arguement go and make your girlfriend happy?? who is more important?? the old friend or the new person?
for me, it eventually became clear..I let a friend go, she was cool with it, and my new girlfriend got the satisfaction of "winning" the contest! (thats a REALLY big deal for Women! guys! pay attention!!
Guys are generally cooler about this kind of thing, but still, no guy likes his girlfriend being "just friends" with an old boyfriend either! especially if the past relationship was "intimate"..
So..I stand by my hard-earned advice..let the old relationships go..Completely! its for the best..
Here is my girlfriend of 2 years out in the Sarracenia Bog!
it was worth letting the old friend go.
it was the right thing to do..
Scot
Funny this should come up. Not too long ago I got back in contact with my ex; my first serious relationship (and only other one besides my one right now). So I thought I'd drop my thoughts in on this one.
There is nothing wrong with it, depending on your reasons. If that person was a part of your life once, there was a reason for that. Unless it was purely physical attraction (and I'm assuming it wasn't here), then you shared ideas, opinions, and likes/dislikes. The fact that you were in a relationship brought you closer to one another, leaving all the ingredients for a friendship behind.
Friends are important, and hard to find. If this is a person that is truly special to you, then it's important you don't lose that IMO. It's not easy to come across people that you can truly be yourself with, and share your life with. To give something like that up because of some thoughtless social mores is a bad idea.
Of course your significant other is important to you, and of course you will share your life with them. However, trust is a basis for any relationship. I can understand the jealousy they would feel as it is only natural, but if they truly love you they will work and try to accept your friendship. They will want it to grow, because it is something that makes you happy, and in turn makes them happy.
If they don't, then who are they thinking of? Obviously not you. That would show a total lack of trust and love to me. I'm not sure how you feel, but I could never got out with somone who treats me like that.
I'm going to try and stay short here, but if you're interested on some more thoughts on the subject, I've written quite a bit here.
Although it won't work in all situations, what I've found to help is to make your significant other a part of things. Get all four of you together and go out. Let them get to know your ex and see that there's nothing to worry about. If you can get them to become friends as well, it will ease most of the tension.
Anyway, just my $0.02. Best of luck with everything.
There is nothing wrong with it, depending on your reasons. If that person was a part of your life once, there was a reason for that. Unless it was purely physical attraction (and I'm assuming it wasn't here), then you shared ideas, opinions, and likes/dislikes. The fact that you were in a relationship brought you closer to one another, leaving all the ingredients for a friendship behind.
Friends are important, and hard to find. If this is a person that is truly special to you, then it's important you don't lose that IMO. It's not easy to come across people that you can truly be yourself with, and share your life with. To give something like that up because of some thoughtless social mores is a bad idea.
Of course your significant other is important to you, and of course you will share your life with them. However, trust is a basis for any relationship. I can understand the jealousy they would feel as it is only natural, but if they truly love you they will work and try to accept your friendship. They will want it to grow, because it is something that makes you happy, and in turn makes them happy.
If they don't, then who are they thinking of? Obviously not you. That would show a total lack of trust and love to me. I'm not sure how you feel, but I could never got out with somone who treats me like that.
I'm going to try and stay short here, but if you're interested on some more thoughts on the subject, I've written quite a bit here.
Although it won't work in all situations, what I've found to help is to make your significant other a part of things. Get all four of you together and go out. Let them get to know your ex and see that there's nothing to worry about. If you can get them to become friends as well, it will ease most of the tension.
Anyway, just my $0.02. Best of luck with everything.
Nick,
if everyone was purely logical, you would be right..
but many people (women especially!
work more on pure emotion and virtually no logic at all!
my girlfriend trusted me completely..she KNEW that there was "nothing to worry about"..it wasnt a trust issue.
what it came down to was that I was CHOOSING something that put her second-best, in her mind..all the logic in the world wouldnt change that view once it had been established..to her, I was fighting to preserve the friendship,
and fighting AGAINST her! because it "should be my right, and logically you KNOW there is nothing wrong it and therefore you shouldnt be upset at all" but it was too late for that..the damage had already been done..the 2 ladies would NEVER be friends, it was impossible..
my girlfriend has NO problem with any other Female friends I have! and I have no problem with her male friends..thats not the point..the problem is being friends with EX's..thats really a whole different scenerio..
I DO agree that if you are dating someone who has a problem with ANY friend of the opposite sex, thats bad..and should not be tolerated!!
if you are a Woman dating a guy who says "I dont like you having ANY male friends at all" then he deserves to get dumped immediately! Same for any woman who wont allow her boyfriend to have any fremale friends, etc..
thats not right..
but the whole "staying friends with ex's" issue is very sticky..
if you are dating someone who is cool with it, thats great! but for many people, its too much, they see it as "well you had feelings for this person once before, how can I be sure those feelings are REALLY gone? She might still be a flirt! She might be better looking than me, He might think she is more interesting that me"..etc. its BAD! yes it might be illogical, but emotions often win out over logic.
look at this this way..suppose you were married once before, got divorced, and re-married.
no kids from the first marriage.
you stay close FRIENDS with the ex-wife..
should your new wife be HAPPY about that??
probably not..
WHY do you want to stay friends with the ex-wife?
what do you get out of that relationship?
why are you SO close to HER when you should be with me??
its just human nature..even if we KNOW there is no fooling around going on, its still uncomfortable! and thats reason enough not to do it..
(of course if there are kids involved, its a totally different story!
if you can pull it off and not have the new person upset about it, then go for it! but if the new person doesnt like it, even if it doesnt make sense! then let it go..
thats all im saying..
from this guy's perspective, when dealing with Women, EMOTION wins out over LOGIC every time!
and Women have a really hard time dealing with the "Other Woman"..even if its not logical! even if they KNOW they shouldnt be upset! doesent matter..it still, deep down, a worry..
you can fight it all you want, you will lose..
Scot
if everyone was purely logical, you would be right..
but many people (women especially!
my girlfriend trusted me completely..she KNEW that there was "nothing to worry about"..it wasnt a trust issue.
what it came down to was that I was CHOOSING something that put her second-best, in her mind..all the logic in the world wouldnt change that view once it had been established..to her, I was fighting to preserve the friendship,
and fighting AGAINST her! because it "should be my right, and logically you KNOW there is nothing wrong it and therefore you shouldnt be upset at all" but it was too late for that..the damage had already been done..the 2 ladies would NEVER be friends, it was impossible..
my girlfriend has NO problem with any other Female friends I have! and I have no problem with her male friends..thats not the point..the problem is being friends with EX's..thats really a whole different scenerio..
I DO agree that if you are dating someone who has a problem with ANY friend of the opposite sex, thats bad..and should not be tolerated!!
if you are a Woman dating a guy who says "I dont like you having ANY male friends at all" then he deserves to get dumped immediately! Same for any woman who wont allow her boyfriend to have any fremale friends, etc..
thats not right..
but the whole "staying friends with ex's" issue is very sticky..
if you are dating someone who is cool with it, thats great! but for many people, its too much, they see it as "well you had feelings for this person once before, how can I be sure those feelings are REALLY gone? She might still be a flirt! She might be better looking than me, He might think she is more interesting that me"..etc. its BAD! yes it might be illogical, but emotions often win out over logic.
look at this this way..suppose you were married once before, got divorced, and re-married.
no kids from the first marriage.
you stay close FRIENDS with the ex-wife..
should your new wife be HAPPY about that??
probably not..
WHY do you want to stay friends with the ex-wife?
what do you get out of that relationship?
why are you SO close to HER when you should be with me??
its just human nature..even if we KNOW there is no fooling around going on, its still uncomfortable! and thats reason enough not to do it..
(of course if there are kids involved, its a totally different story!
if you can pull it off and not have the new person upset about it, then go for it! but if the new person doesnt like it, even if it doesnt make sense! then let it go..
thats all im saying..
from this guy's perspective, when dealing with Women, EMOTION wins out over LOGIC every time!
and Women have a really hard time dealing with the "Other Woman"..even if its not logical! even if they KNOW they shouldnt be upset! doesent matter..it still, deep down, a worry..
you can fight it all you want, you will lose..
Scot
Scot,
Hope you don't mind me debating with you. I completely understand your point, and I think you communicated it quite well. I still have to disagree though.
I understand the feeling. I was once dating someone who was very close to their ex. This is, BTW, the same person who is now my ex. Confused yet
? Anyway, at the time I made a big deal out of it just like you said your girlfriend was doing and I destroyed our relationship because of it. I've learned a lot since then though and I'm willing to say now that I was wrong...so dead wrong.
This same situation happenned more recently, and here is where my argument is. It was very easy for my emotions to jump in and tell me it was wrong for my fiancee to have friends that are guys at all, let alone exs (sp?). There is where the choice is, and it is what I see as truly showing the level of trust and love. It was pure heck (this is a PG board, right) to try it, but I went with her to meet this guy. Of course, I hated him
. BUT, we all went out again, and I kept trying, and eventually starting questioning my feelings. He wasn't that bad of a guy, I trust my fiancee, and I've made a new friend out of it. It's a matter of forcing your way through the emotional distrust for that other person, and enriching both of your lives for it.
If someone couldn't do that for me and be willing to take the hard path to a better eventual goal, no matter what their emotions, then I can't truly believe that they love me. If I can't believe that, then I can't see a reason to even be dating them.
You mentioned that you wouldn't put up with your girlfriend not allowing any friends of the opposite sex, but you'll let them prevent you from being friends with your ex. Why? Some people see friends as "someone to do something with" and can make a new one a day. Other people are like me. I've been 5 years without someone I feel I could truly call "friend", someone who truly understands me and is truly a part of my life...and vice-versa. I question the trust and love of anyone who would take away my chance to change that.
I'll concede this to you though, it really depends on the kind of person you are and your significant other is. I couldn't be with someone like you described, but you are happy with that person. It's just a matter of preference in what you want from a relationship and from a friendship. I'm completely happy with my decision though, so I think either way can work out. That is basically my point.
Showbiz, it's just a matter of the kind of people you, your significant other, and your ex are. I think that if your SO and you are willing to push your way through the distrust and jealousy, you can have a happier relationship and a good friendship in the end. On the other hand, if your ex doesn't mean that much to you or you're not willing to go through the heck it will cause, it might be easier to just forget your ex. Just make sure you'll be happy with your decision, it's no fun to make the wrong one and find yourself second-guessing yourself and regretting years later...I know from experience.
Just a side note though. In my experience, women are much better at understanding and expressing their emotions, but guys are MUCH more likely to let their emotions control their decisions in spite of logic. Maybe I've been lucky with the women I've known...
Hope you don't mind me debating with you. I completely understand your point, and I think you communicated it quite well. I still have to disagree though.
I understand the feeling. I was once dating someone who was very close to their ex. This is, BTW, the same person who is now my ex. Confused yet
This same situation happenned more recently, and here is where my argument is. It was very easy for my emotions to jump in and tell me it was wrong for my fiancee to have friends that are guys at all, let alone exs (sp?). There is where the choice is, and it is what I see as truly showing the level of trust and love. It was pure heck (this is a PG board, right) to try it, but I went with her to meet this guy. Of course, I hated him
If someone couldn't do that for me and be willing to take the hard path to a better eventual goal, no matter what their emotions, then I can't truly believe that they love me. If I can't believe that, then I can't see a reason to even be dating them.
You mentioned that you wouldn't put up with your girlfriend not allowing any friends of the opposite sex, but you'll let them prevent you from being friends with your ex. Why? Some people see friends as "someone to do something with" and can make a new one a day. Other people are like me. I've been 5 years without someone I feel I could truly call "friend", someone who truly understands me and is truly a part of my life...and vice-versa. I question the trust and love of anyone who would take away my chance to change that.
I'll concede this to you though, it really depends on the kind of person you are and your significant other is. I couldn't be with someone like you described, but you are happy with that person. It's just a matter of preference in what you want from a relationship and from a friendship. I'm completely happy with my decision though, so I think either way can work out. That is basically my point.
Showbiz, it's just a matter of the kind of people you, your significant other, and your ex are. I think that if your SO and you are willing to push your way through the distrust and jealousy, you can have a happier relationship and a good friendship in the end. On the other hand, if your ex doesn't mean that much to you or you're not willing to go through the heck it will cause, it might be easier to just forget your ex. Just make sure you'll be happy with your decision, it's no fun to make the wrong one and find yourself second-guessing yourself and regretting years later...I know from experience.
Just a side note though. In my experience, women are much better at understanding and expressing their emotions, but guys are MUCH more likely to let their emotions control their decisions in spite of logic. Maybe I've been lucky with the women I've known...
Scotty is, in my experience, 100% right. If you don't aknowledge that emotions run a relationship, not logic, your relationship is doomed. This is really tough for us guys, so ladies, please be patient with us!
It took me a while to accept the fact my wife wasn't "telling me what to do." It really made her uncomfortable for me to talk to any ex's. No logic, but that's not the point. Flower bouquettes aren't logical, either. They wilt and die in a couple of days, but the ladies still love 'em!
Now chocolate....THAT's logical!!!
It took me a while to accept the fact my wife wasn't "telling me what to do." It really made her uncomfortable for me to talk to any ex's. No logic, but that's not the point. Flower bouquettes aren't logical, either. They wilt and die in a couple of days, but the ladies still love 'em!
Now chocolate....THAT's logical!!!
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (schloaty @ Aug. 04 2003,10:53)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Scotty is, in my experience, 100% right. If you don't aknowledge that emotions run a relationship, not logic, your relationship is doomed. This is really tough for us guys, so ladies, please be patient with us!
It took me a while to accept the fact my wife wasn't "telling me what to do." It really made her uncomfortable for me to talk to any ex's. No logic, but that's not the point. Flower bouquettes aren't logical, either. They wilt and die in a couple of days, but the ladies still love 'em!
Now chocolate....THAT's logical!!!
[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I absolutely agree, but I also beleive that logic can help emotions along
. After all, buying flowers for your wife is logical as you know it will make them happy, and thus you happy. Think of what I said as an extension. The eventual goal allows your SO and you to be happy and have a new friend, whereas dropping contact with your Ex makes your SO somewhat happy (but sad she hurt you), makes you a bit less happy, and takes away a friend.
So I simply say to keep that goal in mind and push your way through it. Try to make it work before giving up. Of course it won't be easy, but it's possible. Emotions can't be changed, but they can be controlled. You don't have to let them make decisions for you. If I know I want to do one thing, but it will cause me a lot of grief later, I'll force myself to do the other thing I don't want because I know it will make my life better in the long run. I want a Corvette right now, but my logic is keeping my money in the bank for a down payment on a house
. It's all a matter of if you think fighting with the pain in the interum is worth the result.
It took me a while to accept the fact my wife wasn't "telling me what to do." It really made her uncomfortable for me to talk to any ex's. No logic, but that's not the point. Flower bouquettes aren't logical, either. They wilt and die in a couple of days, but the ladies still love 'em!
Now chocolate....THAT's logical!!!
I absolutely agree, but I also beleive that logic can help emotions along
So I simply say to keep that goal in mind and push your way through it. Try to make it work before giving up. Of course it won't be easy, but it's possible. Emotions can't be changed, but they can be controlled. You don't have to let them make decisions for you. If I know I want to do one thing, but it will cause me a lot of grief later, I'll force myself to do the other thing I don't want because I know it will make my life better in the long run. I want a Corvette right now, but my logic is keeping my money in the bank for a down payment on a house
Nick,
I think you may have been very lucky! I know you said you could never stay with a person "like that," but here's one for you:
My wife has a very good reason for her "illogical unwillingness" to let me have an ex as a friend. While this is frustrating to me, it would be far more frustrating to me to NOT have my wife.
Is she being rediculous? yes. Does it bother me? yes. Am I going to fight it? NO. There are always going to be things about your SO that bother you (and you them, don't forget!
). The decision to stay or not stay with them, in my mind, should not be based on one good or one bad thing, but rather the overall value of the relationship.
I still forget to put down the toilet lid sometimes....
I think you may have been very lucky! I know you said you could never stay with a person "like that," but here's one for you:
My wife has a very good reason for her "illogical unwillingness" to let me have an ex as a friend. While this is frustrating to me, it would be far more frustrating to me to NOT have my wife.
I still forget to put down the toilet lid sometimes....
Everyone is different, there is no correct or incorrect answer to the original question. I am still friends with on of my ex-girlfriends. She was in my wedding party when I got married. This was not an issue for my wife although she likes to joke about it.
Everyone has thier own level of insecurity, it's part of our personality and can't be changed. If you care about someone be they friend or lover you need to take thier concerns seriously. However it is never ejoyable when you are forced to choose between a friend and a lover. Life is full of hard decisions some good, some bad.
That's my arm chair philosopher contribution.
Everyone has thier own level of insecurity, it's part of our personality and can't be changed. If you care about someone be they friend or lover you need to take thier concerns seriously. However it is never ejoyable when you are forced to choose between a friend and a lover. Life is full of hard decisions some good, some bad.
That's my arm chair philosopher contribution.
schloaty,
I can definitely see your point. I just consider my SO a friend, like any other friend, but one who is that much closer. Obviously, friends are extremely important to me, and I can't see anyone asking another person to give up a friend for any reason of their own. To me, that's like your wife telling you never to talk to your brother or father, who you've always been close to, ever again...maybe they'd like to ask me to cut off my arm while I'm at it?
Glenn is right here. I'll agree to disagree, as there is no "right" answer. I think it was a good conversation that gave some insight into a number of different viewpoints. Hopefully Showbiz will find it helpful. Thanks for giving me a diversion from work guys.
PS ~ I love your avatar Schloaty.
I can definitely see your point. I just consider my SO a friend, like any other friend, but one who is that much closer. Obviously, friends are extremely important to me, and I can't see anyone asking another person to give up a friend for any reason of their own. To me, that's like your wife telling you never to talk to your brother or father, who you've always been close to, ever again...maybe they'd like to ask me to cut off my arm while I'm at it?
Glenn is right here. I'll agree to disagree, as there is no "right" answer. I think it was a good conversation that gave some insight into a number of different viewpoints. Hopefully Showbiz will find it helpful. Thanks for giving me a diversion from work guys.
PS ~ I love your avatar Schloaty.
Nick,
You're right, no correct answers. Everyone's situation is different. I guess one could test the waters and check their SO's reaction and then act according to what is important to them.
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">PS ~ I love your avatar Schloaty. [/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Thanks!
@ Lavenderdawn
Ha! I guess we're not too much help huh? All this discussion, and you're still stuck! LOL!
You're right, no correct answers. Everyone's situation is different. I guess one could test the waters and check their SO's reaction and then act according to what is important to them.
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">PS ~ I love your avatar Schloaty. [/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Thanks!
@ Lavenderdawn
Ha! I guess we're not too much help huh? All this discussion, and you're still stuck! LOL!
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (schloaty @ Aug. 04 2003,1:02)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"> Ha! I guess we're not too much help huh? All this discussion, and you're still stuck! LOL![/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I wouldn't say that. I personally find reading open discussions from different viewpoints like this to be a great way to understand a situation and its solution better. I wouldn't be surprised if this thread was a great help (or at least I'm hoping so).
I wouldn't say that. I personally find reading open discussions from different viewpoints like this to be a great way to understand a situation and its solution better. I wouldn't be surprised if this thread was a great help (or at least I'm hoping so).
Nicholas,
I see your point too, and its ok to expect that kind of open-mindedness from a potential mate..but..if someone just cant be that "open minded" is that cause to break up? maybe, maybe not..that brings us back to logic vs. emotion!
(schloaty gets it!
as everyone has said, there is no clear-cut right or wrong answer here..it comes down to what works for the specific relationship..
For me, I gave into the "unreasonable emotion" (and my girlfriend even ADMITTED she was being unreasonable!
but it still hurt her..so the answer was clear..
She was more important, even with all her "unreasonableness"!
scot
I see your point too, and its ok to expect that kind of open-mindedness from a potential mate..but..if someone just cant be that "open minded" is that cause to break up? maybe, maybe not..that brings us back to logic vs. emotion!
(schloaty gets it!
as everyone has said, there is no clear-cut right or wrong answer here..it comes down to what works for the specific relationship..
For me, I gave into the "unreasonable emotion" (and my girlfriend even ADMITTED she was being unreasonable!
but it still hurt her..so the answer was clear..
She was more important, even with all her "unreasonableness"!
scot
