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Thread: For Tamlin, and other Pundits

  1. #1
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    Question

    Weapons of Math Instruction

    At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
    a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
    of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
    believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is
    being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
    solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
    search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and
    refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a
    common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
    country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
    sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
    wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given
    us more fingers and toes.

    "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent
    on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us
    with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on
    every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
    circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw
    the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have
    the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never
    before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
    factor-in random facts of vertex."

    Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
    ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue
    to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around
    their necks.
    17 Nash Rd.
    North Salem, NY 10560

    YOU! Outta my gene pool!

  2. #2
    Moderator Schmoderator Fluorescent fluorite, England PlantAKiss's Avatar
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    Good one Schloaty! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img]
    "Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs." - Jerome K. Jerome

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    Realy funny![img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif[/img]
    [img]http://home.**********.com/users/pondboy/Neps/Neps%20sig..JPG[/img]

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    I've heard the first part before, but the second is one-of-a-kind! Good work, Schloaty!

    SF

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    An algebra teacher told me this once, but a shorter version.

  6. #6
    goldtrap2690's Avatar
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    LOL [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img] i should tell my algebra teacher this .

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    I'll kill you for this! Now you have activated my pun circut, and it won't shut off until I, too, can find a way to inflict pain on the unwitting.....

    So, what did the Mathmatical Acorn say when he grew up?

    Take that, oh thou dasterdly punster! Have at thee, knave!
    "Grow More, Share More"

  8. #8

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    Great Schloaty! You gave me a laugh!
    I once lived on a street named Algernon...so happy I changed addresses before the latest movement......I sure wouldn't want to live on Al Gernon now..heh [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif[/img]



    The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the management. And the management will be happy to hear that!

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