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Im reaching breaking point.

  • Thread starter Starman
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  • #41
While I applaud JLAP for having the right attitude, I think things are just a bit different among school kids. They mercilessly abuse the designated "victim" for any perceive weakness. And the unwillingness to fight back is the biggest perceived weakness of all. In the adult world, JLAP is exactly right; fighting is never right, and can be extremely dangerous, plus adults are more empowered to take other actions than kids. Also, in the adult world, I've never found myself in a situation where someone is physically threatening me, except maybe in a hockey game or a drunk guy in a bar, but those are entirely different contexts where it's easy to avoid violence.

At some point, if it gets out of hand and no other methods are effective (including making the school take action), then fighting back is acceptable. Again, nobody should have to endure abuse day after day after day. That is what's truly unacceptable.

Use your judgement, Dino, and do what you have to do. Just make sure you've really exhausted all other options before fighting, but do not allow yourself to be hit. I wouldn't. I remember some of the abuse heaped upon some people in school, and I can't imagine that they came out of the experience without being permanently damaged.

Best of luck, Dino. Just consider that these days will pass, and the people who are "different" in school end up being the ones who are successful as adults, and the bullies who seem to control the school tend to end up being the total losers in real life.

Capslock
 
  • #42
My typical time at lunchtime:

I get called names and racially abused, I tell them go go away, they odnt.
They follow me around, wont eave me alone, keep calling me names and being racist.
they occasionally punch and kick mne, then run away, making sure no one sees them.

I have to put up with that evry day.
 
  • #43
the point, AW, is he IS alone. that's what he's upset about.


starman- consider taking legal action agianst the person who harrasses you the most. set an example of him or her.

by the way capslock, i'm 14 so i know what it's like in school, and your right they to pick the victim to pieces.
 
  • #44
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Capslock @ Sep. 22 2004,5:21)]Just consider that these days will pass, and the people who are "different" in school end up being the ones who are successful as adults, and the bullies who seem to control the school tend to end up being the total losers in real life.
Capslock hit it on the head here, I belive.

I was always a middle of the road geek. I grew to fast and was way to skinney. Bob Seger seid it best "I was a little too tall, could have used a few pounds". Maybe your too young to know who Bob Seger is, great musician.

Anyway, I hated PE. I was always the last one called on to a team. I can remember walking out of summer basketball camp crying becuase of the crap that the other kids were doing. This seems like so long ago now.

Nothing very bad or very good in life lasts for very long...

I know it can be tough. Hang in there.

Steve
 
  • #45
starman, i had a friend in your position..the one thing i can say is, fight back, i know how these kids are, very well, my school consists of many of them, fight back, you may be skinny or scrawny, i know might not be a fighter but its your last resort, thats the only way these kids will learn, and if you do hit them back..make it a very good hit..not just a shove or push, im talking really hard so they wont mess with you anymore..well i hope i helped you out..
 
  • #46
I didn't mean alone as in having no friends. I meant that you should never be in a position where other people can't see. Bullies won't do their worst with people around.
 
  • #47
haha, wanna bet?
 
  • #48
here's the key... don't make it fun for them to pick on you.
 
  • #49
I agree at times fighting can help at certain times.  That's how bullies got there in the first place.  Talk back, but make sure its a good word or two or they will just laugh at you.  A word on fighting, MAKE sure that you are able to beat your opponet or things can get a little messy...
smile_m_32.gif

But the best resolution, as I observed from school is just to say "so, who cares", or "oh... really funny" in a way that sounds like its stupid or something to that effect.

Being in Highschool now, I feel really bad for making fun of people in middle school. It'll go away when you grow up and everyone else starts to mature.

Hope things work out for you!
 
  • #50
Dino, I feel your pain, because I've gone through the same experience in school in England (I'm not English, nor am I fully caucasian).  I was for some time physically and mentally abused by some kids in school, but I never resorted to violence.  Then again, that's me, and I've always lacked aggressiveness.  Just don't let them win.
I can see how your disability can be very distressing in a country that revolves around football (soccer), the main social activity, and seemingly the only important thing in an English kid's life.  

I don't mean to pick on you or anything Steve  >;-D .  I know Steve L in person and he's to me the most popular guy at his workplace.  In contrast to what he posted above, you wouldn't imagine it.  This shows how much the world changes around you as you live the years...  All you need is a good heart Dino, which from the sounds of it, you have.

I can't say more than what others have said here already...  Just breathe and savour what you do have.  
PM me and we'll exchange addresses if you want.  I'm restarting my CP collection soon and I'll surely have plenty to spare you.

Stand firm!

Amori
 
  • #51
I hate to say it but....................
Me and my wife are having the same problems with our daughter. She is singled out often lately and the idea of fighting back absolutely crushes her. She is afraid she will hurt somebody and that makes her feel bad. BTW she is 6yrs old. She allows the other girls to call her names and push her around. She will even lie to us about what happens so that the other girls don't get into trouble. I am pro agression and violence when used in the right situations and circumstances but as my wife pointed out, she is too young to know exactly when she should react physically and when she should be verbal instead. For example, tonight my daughter was playing outside with some other girls and 2 of the others said lets throw these at her (Angel, my daughter) and she just stood there and let them until my wife told them to  "knock that **** off ". Then my daughter lied to my wife and said that they weren't doing anything eventhough my wife watched them do it. We think that maybe it bothers her more to be without other girls than it does to be picked on.
On a side note Angel is the most popular girl in her class and 2 or 3 boys like her but in the neighborhood, it is the way I described. Angel is very outgoing and social and is very little girlish (shoes, clothes, jewelry, accessories, etc...) but the neighborhood girls are very rugged and ghetto. My wife and I are having difficulties deciding how we want to handle teaching agression and self-defense. It is not likely we will be living in nicer neighborhoods anytime soon.

I though this was along the same lines so...........I posted it.

As for Dino, I am on the bandwagon for hit 'em hard as you can and you may get a butt whoopin but they will leave you alone, cause they don't wanna take a shot in the nose every time they feel like messin with someone...........that **** hurts! Your physical discomfort from an rear kickin will go away but if you do nothing the pain may never totally go away. Not to mention its a great feeling to drop a bully. Catch him right in the nose with a good one and he will be blinded by his own tears, at that point let him know he is at your mercy and that you could take advantage of him IF you wished to do so. He will remember it!

Joe
 
  • #52
yeah joe, i feel you..my lil sister lets some girls treat her a certin way, i box with her somtimes (all jokes aside) shes 8, but man there are some bad a$s little kids! they seriously need an a$s whopping! no kidding, my girlfriend somtimes works at daycares and those little boys tuch her and nasty things like that.. i remeber when i was a kid and did things like that, i got a belt to my butt, i sopose kids these days just need a good old fashioned whipping, im not a fighter myself, i dont look like one either, i talk proper, i wear glasses, the only thing that saves me from getting picked on out here is that i dress ghetto, i remeber i used to dress...careless...and kids picked on me all the time, till one time i fought this boy and he had to get a "kat-scan" def in his left ear now, im sorry for what i did to him but he had it coming...funny how he dont pick on kids no more, and ironic how no one messes with me...
 
  • #53
Lol. my lil sister (9 3\4) picks on me sometimes . But she can`t do any real damage and I can always do something like take away gameing privlagegs from her for a week or something,or not let her listen to my cds LOL.
 
  • #54
Beings the school year just started a few months ago I have been receiving numerous complaints about kids getting assaulted in school. ( I guess these days parents turn to the police for help, rather then taking care of the problem themselves.) So I get to talk to the bullies and the victims and the teachers often. What I have found to be the most effective tool is to go to the highest authority you can find at your school (principal, teacher or such) explain the problem, tell them that this happens on a regular schedule and if the school cannot get it to stop then you will sue the teacher, the principal, the janitor, the lunch lady... etc you get the picture that you will sue everyone that works there. For the 6 or so hours you are at school they are responsible for your safty and if they cannot give you it then they are legally held reliable. In most cases the school does not want to be sue and they WILL make sure that action is taken.
 
  • #55
I SO wish I went to your school Starman. I'd stick up for ya in any way I could. I stuck up for people in my school that I didn't even know if they were being treated unfairly. All you have to do is avoid being hit at all costs then whenever someone lands a punch or kick or whatever on you, you have the right to fight back. Self defense is great in my book. It's better than letting someone beat the hell outta you. My advice is to concider transferring schools. If school is as bad as you make it seem then I doubt it will get any better even if you get all the bullies expelled. Then everyone else will just be afraid of you. I can't beleive your school has been letting so much racism go on. It makes me so angry! Oh yeah! If I were you I'd think of that bully getting expelled as a victory.
 
  • #56
DIno,

This sure puts me right back in grade school!  It's 5 mins. to the dismissal bell, and I am perched on the edge of my seat, so I can fly the second the bell goes.  Charlie Warrington is over in row three grinning like the little demon he was.   Riiiiiinnnng.  I get my choice of 2 doors.  If I pick wrong I end up in a circle that punches me and passes me from one to another.  Had my nose and ribs broken.  By the time I hit 8th grade, I was where you are now.

I am not a violent person, and couldn't fight back.  Also, it's sort of hard standing up to about 6 others.  It wasn't fair, and life is not fair.  

I had to hang on and stick it out, and so do you lad.  I will say that Martial Arts helped me.  I was sent to learn self defense by my counseler.  He percieved (correctly) that no one would leave me alone until I could effectively give them as much pain as they gave me.  After I threw Charlie flat on his back one day (and no matts either, I might have done him some real damage) I was left alone, and no one again tried to lay hands on me in school.  But the teasing never stopped.  When I was called to receive my high school diploma, someone tried to trip me as I went to the stage....and you know what?  Even now people tell false stories about me, call me rude names in public, and attack me for no reason other than their own meaness.  So, we just have to get used to the idea that not everyone is going to be kind and sensitive, nor even human.

Still, you have many friends, just as I do.  Appreciate what is there and don't worry so much about these other bullies.  If you have to give pain for them to leave off you, the so be it.  That is what I told my son, wishing for him to be spared what I went through.  If they hurt you, no matter what, you hurt them back.  You might get a split lip, but it heals.  After awhile, the game is no longer worth it to them, and you will have earned a sort of bizzare respect.  They might not ever like you, but they will for sure leave you alone if you show them that EVERY time they hurt you, you WILL repay it.

JLAP, this is not ideal, but neither is the world.  Had I followed this advice at an earlier age, I might have spared myself a lot of hurt and humiliation.  I am the most peaceful of men.  I am willing to run rather than fight, but when I am cornered, it is time to stand, focus and fight.  I have never had to fight again since that day, and you know what?  I can't even remember what the kid looked like now.  WOuldn't know him if I saw him standing next to me.  He is utterly forgotten.

Yes, and suicide is terribly painful as well as troublesome to those left to mop up. Don't do that to those who love you.
 
  • #57
Buddy, Joing some clubs in school, join something you like, you like acting? Joing a drama club something of the sort. In any case, i'm sure there are other kids interested in cp or other plants start a club yourself get some friends with your same intrests going!  many people think we are all nuts Spending so much time and enjoying Plants... look at me, I have hundreds of gallons worth of coral propagation tanks (currently running an aquacultured coral business), I cultivate Cp's orchids and exotics, I breed reptiles(used to import and export them), and I have exotics .. including a skunk heh  Find some peope that have your intrest those are where the better friends will come!  Remember if these bullies are ammused with your suffering they will contiunue to bother you, there is a sayig in spanish that goes" No le des el gustaso"  It basically means dont let them get the best of you!  Dont show them how bothered you are...  Its tough buddy I'm sure! But hey "After the storm there wil be the calm"  Things WILL get better, and trust me when you are a successful man these bullies wil most likely be working for "you" for minimum wage!  The tables will turn.

For now Pray bud I dont know if your religious, but it helps:D

Remember, your better than those people, dont let them get the best of you!

Hope everything gets resolved soon,

-Juan-Carlos
 
  • #58
oh no, don't join the drama club! unless you want to be called a nice guy, a queer, etc, dont do that. and believe me i know what that's like. theres alot of homophobia in the world, and from what you say, it's probably worse in the UK.

wow, i didn't put "nice guy", so just insert the sexual harrassment word of your choice
smile.gif


and please keep us updated, but i still think you should go to the authorities- be it the police, the principal , etc.
 
  • #59
I really respect what Tamlin posted. I am not a violent person either, I was always told that if I started a fight, there would be a world of trouble waiting for me at home.

But, I was also told that if someone else started a fight, I was to finish it. It has been my experience that a bully will almost never come back to fight once they have recieved a taste of thier own meds.

when it comes down to continued harrasment, if you are hit, hit back. I always aimed for the nose, I figured if I could make them bleed a bit, they would think twice about messing with me again.

I like the praying part as well. You don't have to prey for much, just to do the next right thing.

Steve
 
  • #60
JLAP,

It would be nice if we could just rely on the authorities to make these things right for us, but such is not always the case.  Once when 3 kids had me down, kicking me the teacher came into the room, and *I* was the one who was blamed and sent to the Principals office.  I honestly believe the teacher knew exactly what was what and was also getting in on the fun. These sort of pressures, where one feels there is no alternative, and no understanding for your plight, are terrible and intense.  Although Starmans problems may seem like routine schoolyard life, they are NEVER routine to those involved. Lying in your own blood while people laugh at you is NO fun.

My resolution came as a result of my unbelieveable luck, when I was chosen at random for enrollment in a private school run by the local University. Each semester 5 applicants were chosen.  I did grades 8 and 9 there, and when I returned to public highschool, it was to the same welcome as I had before: same bullies, same song and dance, but with one major difference.  I now had the ability to knock some 90% of my classmates from here to forever.  I was attacked the first week I returned to public school, and the results are as related above.

Yes, there is a time to stand firm and fight. It's a shame to have to go to war on any level, but not all wars are bad.  Sometimes, its the only way to stay and BE free.

Oh, and you don't have to wait 2-3 years for a belt to do this.
 
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