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Thread: Parents just dont understand

  1. #9
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    I've got four kids, ages 20, 18, 15, & 10. They each have their strong points and their flaws. How much I can attribute to parental skill or their inborn character or life's experiences - is difficult to assess. Sometimes our family looks like the Brady Bunch and sometimes like the Conners (Roseanne). Sometimes we make the mistake of expecting too much from them and other times, perhaps, we didn't challenge them enough.And each child responds to the stimuli differently. One thing I find amusing is that my oldest son doesn't need prodding to take a shower - or two or three - in a given day. Never an issue. The younger son turns that into a major issue. Why? I don't know. We certainly aren't perfect parents - but we keep plugging away.

    Sometimes my oldest kids think they are adults and want adult privileges but then turn around and behave immaturely. They want things both ways. I see their growth and development as a continual process. Sometimes they truly aren't ready for something that they will be ready for in a couple of years. Usually, people grow into the role they are expected to attain, after much learning curve. Sometimes they have been set up for failure. It isn't always apparent as to what the future holds and know how they will respond. Sometimes they just aren't ready to handle some things - now. I DO agree with Steve in that some kids seem to try to grow up too fast and do things that are ultimately regrettable. Some have their childhood taken away from them. What a shame!

    Enjoy the simplicity of youth while you can, because adulthood isn't easy, either.

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    I'm 13 an I can't leave my neighborhood

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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]I'm 13 an I can't leave my neighborhood
    beast

  4. #12
    herenorthere's Avatar
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    But what is your neighborhood? If you're in a sprawling suburbia of 1 acre lots and busy main roads and can't reach stores or parks or friends, you have my sympathy. My parents didn't move to one of those until my senior year of high school and it sucked. I had a drivers license by then and could sometimes get in a car and escape, so didn't have it as bad. Now I'm 43 and we have an 11 year old daughter. We're in a neighborhood of 50 x 100 ft lots with all those stores and parks and friends all within a kid's walking distance. If my daughter says she and a friend are going for an ice cream, I say OK. If we lived somewhere else, I'd have to say, "you're too young."
    Bruce in CT

    Madness is something rare in individuals but in groups, parties, peoples, ages it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Parents aren't perfect and can be wrong, but remember that they almost always know more than you when it comes to life. So don't be too quick to discount their saying "you're too young", as its possible they're right.
    Some random words.

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    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] (Fygee @ Oct. 31 2004,3:40)]Parents aren't perfect and can be wrong, but remember that they almost always know more than you when it comes to life. So don't be too quick to discount their saying "you're too young", as its possible they're right.
    Well said and succinct!

    I am reminded of being 17 and a senior in high school. I very distinctly remember feeling as though I had the answers to all of life's questions. Um, it turned out that I was just a wee bit deficient. *rolls eyes at the understatement* I see my 18 tear old son and his formulated views on a variety of subjects - 95% of which are identical to mine and my wife. It's kind of amusing how much our parents can shape our views. I'd say the remaining 5% is probably reflecting our mistakes and his version of adolescent rebellion.

    I am also blessed by the apparent knowledge that neither he nor his older sister gave us the fears and worries that a good many of parents face. Whether it's the 2-parent home in of itself or their inborn character or our example or in spite of ourselves, or... there are some headaches we don't have to face.

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    One of the hardest things for adults to do is to learn from children. To presume that being an adult means being emotionally mature is incorrect. I know many children who show a greater grasp of "life" than those much older.

    We think that children are generally inexperienced, but forget their experiences while not as numerous of as often repeated as they will be over a longer lifespan are every bit as valid as adult experiences. Children love with the same intensity as adults, but for them it is "puppy love" and hence not valid.

    On the other hand, adults have to watch children learn the hard way, more often than not. It is difficult to watch someone place their hand on the anvil, raise the hammer and prepare to strike and not say anything. The kid says "maybe for me, this time it will be different and it won't hurt!"

    A hard lesson for adults is to realize that although it has never been done, it doesn't follow that it can never be done.

    One thing that is needed is for age to have the respect that multiple handbashings deserves. Adults can be wrong, children can be right, but youth must defer to age if wisdom is the desired goal, even if adult opinion seems arbitrary. It might seem so on the immediate surface, but it amazing what perspectives age can bring.

    I always liked the quote "If youth only knew, and age only could!" The true advances come when we learn to embrace a working partnership with our younger versions of ourselves, and understand that both adult and childhood experiences and insights are a part of a whole piece of human experience, and that the door swings both ways in that. Children need to respect adults and adults need to be open minded regarding their further education by those younger than they are.

    One thing I like about the forums is that you really don't know unless told who is old and who is young, other than by examples of immature or mature behavior. It's a place where youth can demonstrate their maturity and act as adults if they care to without anyone pooh pooing the effort based on physical form. Unfortunately, is is also a place where adults can descend into schoolyard behavior, as has been amply demonstrated on several Forums and Listserves while pretending to be adults.

    Another certain fact is when we can no longer learn, we might as well be in a box. Adults that shut down on youth have amputated a huge potential from their lives, for youth can see with clear new eyes some truths that adults have become blind to, if ever they saw them to begin with.

    As for me, I judge a book by the story it tells, and not by its cover or by other reader's opinions of the tale. I am happy to say that at 53 years of age I have friends of all ages, and I respect all of them that are of good will. If there is more to it than this, 53 years hasn't shown it to me.
    "Grow More, Share More"

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    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]as its possible they're right.
    i HATE it when that happens! LOL!!!!
    Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish-Euripides
    wikipedia rocks! (except for species info)(CPers-add your vast knowledge of CPs to wikipedia&#33
    A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it
    Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything

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