User Tag List

Informational! Informational!:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Jokes.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    California, LosGatos
    Posts
    559
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Joke time! I finally found my joke book.

    Did you hear about the florist who had twins?
    One's a budding genius, and the other's a blooming idiot!

    Why is a classroom like an old car?
    Because it's full of nuts and has a crank in the front.

    How do we know that Rome was built at night?
    Because all the books say it wasn't built in a day.

    What do you get when you cross a witch with an ice cube?
    A cold spell.

    Guitar for sale, cheap, no strings attached.

    Sign on janitor's closet: Will whoever took my ladder please return it, or further steps will be taken.

    Did you hear about Mrs. Dimwitts new baby? She thought babies should be pink of blue, but this one was a horrible yeller.

    What happened to Ray when he died?
    He became X-Ray.

    "A well brought up child never crubles his bread or rolls in his soup."

    A boy was helping his father out with a do-it-yourself job.
    Dad: Your like lighting with that hammer.
    Boy: Fast, eh?
    Dad: No, you never strike in the same place twice.

    Was the carpenter's son a chip off the old block?

    "Do you serve women at this bar?"
    "No, you have to bring your own."

    What's the difference between a crossword expert, a greedy boy, and a pot of glue?
    The crossword expert's a good puzzler, a greedy boy is a pud guzzler, and the pot of glue? Ah, that's where you get stuck.

    What kind of cans do they have in Mexico?
    Mexicans.

    Man1: A loud noise woke me up this moring.
    Man2: What was it?
    Man1: The crack of dawn.

    "Is this river any good for fish?" "Must be, i can't get any of them to leave it."

    Where do geologists go for fun?
    A rock concert.

    What's wrong with this fish?
    Long time, no sea.

    Sign in resturaunt: All water in this estabishment has been personally passed by the management.

    What did the gold rush miners say when the mayor fell in manure?
    "You reeka! You reeka!"

    This window is in worse condition than i thought, it's broken on both sides.

    "Dig a hole in the road" "What do i do with all the dirt?" "Dig another hole and bury it"

    How do you confuse an idiot?
    Give him two shovels and ask him to take his pick.

    A farmer bought 100 chickens to start a chicken farm. One month later, they were all dead. He bought another hundred. One month later, he bought 100 more since the last bunch died. "I know what i'm doing wrong." he said to the clerk, "I think i'm planting them too deep."

    Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?
    The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.

    "Would you like a plug for your new bath tub?" "Oh, i didn't know it was electric."

    People who live in Paris are not called parisites.

    My dad saves burned out light bulbs for his dark room.

    Did you hear about the idiot tap dancer?
    He fell in the sink.

    "I want all these exits sealed."
    *10 minutes later*
    "How did he get away?!?!"
    "He left through an entrance sir."

    I'll give my entire fortune to the doctor who saves my life...

    "I'm sorry jimmy, we can't afford the new video"
    Jimmy returns the next day with the video.
    "How did you get that video?"
    "Simple, i traded in the TV for it."

    I have a lot more in my joke book, i'll post them a little later on so the mods don't get mad at me for such a large post.

    Hope you enjoy them!
    You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    1,211
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    A blonde is looking at her car grumbling about a flat tire. A man comes up to her and says

    Got a puncture?

    She replies"Yeah, milk bottle"

    "Milk bottle? Couldn't you see it?"

    "Some lady had it hidden under her coat."
    1 Nxventrata

    D. muscipula & D. muscipula 'Red Dragon'(barely)

    Sarracenia leucophylla(seedling)

    S. purpurea and Drosera filiformis filiformis/ intermedia seeds waiting to sprout.

    Drosera capensis

  3. #3
    Nepenthes Specialist nepenthes gracilis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Alexandria Bay, NY Z-5a
    Posts
    6,341
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Here are a few of my loopy teachers jokes....I think they are lame because every year at Winter Camp he tells them over and over and over again, but just for his soul, I'll post some here. You've been warned....

    What did the fish say when it slammed into the wall?......DAM!

    What do you call 2 newly married spiders?........NEWLYWEBS!

    Yo Mommas soo ugly she makes onions cry!

    What do you call a pain in the rear? A hemorrhoid!

  4. #4
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Greenswamp, NC
    Posts
    13,747
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by [b
    Quote[/b] ]I have a lot more in my joke book, i'll post them a little later on so the mods don't get mad at me for such a large post.
    We don't get mad about long posts. We don't like long post that have no meaning or are completely senseless. Kind of like your jokes. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile.gif[/img]

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    California, LosGatos
    Posts
    559
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    TIME FOR MORE JOKES!!!

    "Freeze, this is a muck up!" "Don't you mean a stick up?" "No, i'ts a muck up, i forgot to bring my gun."

    A man is staying with some friends for the afternoon when a horrible storm starts. "Oh, you can't drive home in this," says the host, "why don't you stay with us for the night?" "Okay," says the man. "I'll just pop home and get my pajamas."

    Doctor: Ma'am, did you drink your medicine after your bath?
    Ma'am: No, by the time i'd drunk the bath, there wasn't any room for the medicine.

    Did you hear about the idiot who won the Tour De France?
    He did a victory lap.

    Why did the tug o' war team lose the match?
    They pushed.

    No Jimmy, a buttress is not a female goat.

    Teacher: Rob, you weren't in school on friday, i heard you were out playing football.
    Rob:No ma'am, that isn't true, and i have the movie tickets to prove it.

    Donny was painting his house. He can said :Put on three coats. So he put on his blazer, his duffel coat, and his raincoat.

    Wally saw a sign that said: "Man wanted for robbery", in a police station. So he went out and applied for the job.

    Well it said "Fine for parking here", what was i supposed to think?

    "Jimmy, how many times do i have to tell you to stay away from that cookie jar?" "No more mom, it's empty."

    "Joe, why are you sawing the legs off your bed?"
    "Well, boss, you told me to lie low for a bit."


    I'll be back with more later, time for me to have breakfast.
    You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.

  6. #6
    apple rings.. what more can i say? FlytrapGurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    T-ville, Florida
    Posts
    2,619
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    A blonde was stopped by a cop for swerving all over the road.

    Cop: "Ma'am, you were swerving all over the road. I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car."

    Blonde: "Some idiot planted trees all over the road and I was swerving to miss them!"

    Cop: "Uh, ma'am.. that's your air freshener."
    Liquid Plummer
    Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •