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Thread: How to medicate your pets

  1. #1
    rattler's Avatar
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    CAT:

    1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
    baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
    gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
    opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
    and repeat process.
    3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
    tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
    right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
    spouse from garden.
    6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
    paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
    one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
    vigorously rub cat's throat.
    7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
    note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines
    and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
    8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
    visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
    open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
    9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take
    taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet
    with cold water and soap.
    10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.
    Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force
    mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
    11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
    Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek
    and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress
    to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and
    fetch new one from bedroom.
    12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the
    road.
    Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
    Take last pill from foil-wrap.
    13) Tie the little nice guy's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and
    bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
    from
    shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
    about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash
    pill down.
    14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
    room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
    remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
    15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop
    to see if they have any hamsters.

    DOG:

    1) Wrap it in bacon.
    cervid serial killer
    Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety
    I didn't get stimulated but he kept his promise on change, that's about all I got left!
    http://www.wolfpointherald.com/--http://www.safety-brite.net/

  2. #2
    It's been one of dem days BigCarnivourKid's Avatar
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    [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_n_32.gif[/img]
    ---Steve Allinger---

    How come chicken fingers are bigger than buffalo wings?

    My Grow List

  3. #3

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    I had to give one of my cats a pill recently. not a problem whatsoever"[img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]"
    Of course, these cats will let me do anything to them"[img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img]"
    Hi. My name is Ron, and I am a nepaholic.

  4. #4
    Lauderdale's Avatar
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    How very true.

  5. #5
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    Hmmm..... methinks there's a statement behind the statement!

  6. #6
    Moderator Schmoderator Fluorescent fluorite, England PlantAKiss's Avatar
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    lol That's pretty accurate!

    I remember once getting a pink kitchen when I syringed Pepto Bismol down my kittie's throat. She jerked back and slung her head around before it really got down her throat and pink goo sprayed everywhere! Of course that wasn't quite as bad as the time she got into a fly tape and was covered in that thick, sticky goop. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/confused.gif[/img]
    "Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs." - Jerome K. Jerome

  7. #7
    Tropical Fish Enthusiast jimscott's Avatar
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    Are we talking about medicating a cat or medicating a kid? [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/new/smile_m_32.gif[/img] I had about as much lack of success with both!

  8. #8

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    If you like that, you'll LOVE this:

    http://www.catenema.com/cat1.html
    My Grow List

    "We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." -- Stephen Hawking

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