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Guest
Guest
Got this in an email, thought it was hilarious:
While grocery shopping recently, I noticed that in addition to Chicken Noodle and Double Noodle soups, Campbell's is now making MEGA Noodle soup. Rumor has it they're developing a new soup called SWEET JESUS THERE ARE TOO MANY NOODLES soup. Is there any room for the broth in the Mega Noodle soup, or is it just one giant block of slimy noodles which must be reconstituted in your bathtub? I had so many questions that I fired off this prank e-mail to Campbell's:
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DEAR CAMPEBLL:
FOR MANY YEARS MY 92 YR OLD MOTHER AND I HAVE ENJOYED YOUR SOUPS INCLUDING CHICKEN AND MOONS, SPLIT PEA WITH PORK, AND MISO...MY MOTHERS FAVORITE IS DOUBLE NOODLE BUT THE STORE WAS OUT SO WE TRIED MEGA NOODLE...
MY MOTHER HAS SEVER ARTRITIS SO SHE HAD TO USE HER ELECTRIC CAN OPENER...SPENT 15 MINS TRYING TO OPEN MEGA NOODLE...FINALLY I HEARD A HUGE POP!!! AND CAME IN TO FIND HER LYING ON THE FLOOR BLEEDING...THE LID HAD EXPLODED OFF THE CAN AND STRUCK HER IN THE FOREHEAD!!! TOO MANY NOODLES!1! TOO MANY, CAMPBELL'S!!!
I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED BY MEGA NOODLE AND BY YOUR DANGEROUS PACKAGING AND AM CONSIDERING LEGIL ACTION! I ASK FOR A REPLY AT ONCE!!!!!’
JIM OHN-HARGRAVE
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I received a response from the Campbell's people, whom I pictured waist-deep in noodles, trying to brush away the slimy pasta from their computer monitors with rubber gloves:
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Mr. Jim Ohn-Hargrave, we received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Campbell Soup Company. We're sorry to learn of your mother's unfortunate experience. We would like to obtain further information about this incident. Please call our Consumer Response Center at (800)257-8443 at your earliest convenience. We are here Monday through Friday 9am-7pm EST. We have also sent your further correspondence via the mail regarding this matter.
Thank you for visiting the Campbell Soup web-site.
Campbell Soup Web Team
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DEAR CAMBELL:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORM LETTER BUT IF I HAD MONEY FOR A PHONE I WOULD NOT BE EATING YORU SOUPS NOW WOULD I
MY MOTHER'S HEAD IS OK BUT SHE HAS PROMISED TO NEVER EAT CAMPABELL'S SOUP AGAIN...MEGA NOODLE IS GOOD FOR TEENAGERS OR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO JUMP OUT OF PLANES BUT MY MOTHER IS 92 YRS OLD...HER HEALTH IS AILING...DONT KNOW WHY YOU HAVE TO CRAM SO MANY NOODLES INTO SOUP!!! SHE HAS BEEN CRYING TODAY BECAUSE ITS NOT SOUP ANYMORE JUST A CAN-SHAPED BRICK OF NOODLES!!!
WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?! WE ARE MAKING OUR OWN SOUPS FROM NOW ON...CHEAPER AND WE CAN CONTROL THE AMOUNT OF NOODLES SO THIS DOESNT' GET OUT OF HAND AGAIN. IF I WANTED TO EAT STRAIGHT NOODLES I WOULD HAVE JUST COOKED NOODLES!!! I CANT EVEN GET THEM APART WITHOUT A BUTTER NIFE!!! UNLESS YOU CAN WRITE ME SOMETHING NOT A FORM LETTER THEN I AM SWITCHING TO CHUNKEY SOUP!
GOODBYE CAMBELLS!
JIM OHN-HARGRAVE
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Chunky Soup is, of course, made by Campbell's.
Their response to my threat:
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Mr. Jim Ohn-Hargrave, we received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Campbell Soup Company.
Again, thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. Mega Noodle was developed in response to consumer requests for soups with even more noodles than the regular or double noodle varieties offer. We try to offer as many different products as possible to satisfy as many consumers as possible. Unfortunately, not all products meet all consumers preferences.
Thank you for visiting the Campbell Soup Company web-site.
Campbell Soup Web Team
Supervisor
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While grocery shopping recently, I noticed that in addition to Chicken Noodle and Double Noodle soups, Campbell's is now making MEGA Noodle soup. Rumor has it they're developing a new soup called SWEET JESUS THERE ARE TOO MANY NOODLES soup. Is there any room for the broth in the Mega Noodle soup, or is it just one giant block of slimy noodles which must be reconstituted in your bathtub? I had so many questions that I fired off this prank e-mail to Campbell's:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR CAMPEBLL:
FOR MANY YEARS MY 92 YR OLD MOTHER AND I HAVE ENJOYED YOUR SOUPS INCLUDING CHICKEN AND MOONS, SPLIT PEA WITH PORK, AND MISO...MY MOTHERS FAVORITE IS DOUBLE NOODLE BUT THE STORE WAS OUT SO WE TRIED MEGA NOODLE...
MY MOTHER HAS SEVER ARTRITIS SO SHE HAD TO USE HER ELECTRIC CAN OPENER...SPENT 15 MINS TRYING TO OPEN MEGA NOODLE...FINALLY I HEARD A HUGE POP!!! AND CAME IN TO FIND HER LYING ON THE FLOOR BLEEDING...THE LID HAD EXPLODED OFF THE CAN AND STRUCK HER IN THE FOREHEAD!!! TOO MANY NOODLES!1! TOO MANY, CAMPBELL'S!!!
I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED BY MEGA NOODLE AND BY YOUR DANGEROUS PACKAGING AND AM CONSIDERING LEGIL ACTION! I ASK FOR A REPLY AT ONCE!!!!!’
JIM OHN-HARGRAVE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I received a response from the Campbell's people, whom I pictured waist-deep in noodles, trying to brush away the slimy pasta from their computer monitors with rubber gloves:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Jim Ohn-Hargrave, we received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Campbell Soup Company. We're sorry to learn of your mother's unfortunate experience. We would like to obtain further information about this incident. Please call our Consumer Response Center at (800)257-8443 at your earliest convenience. We are here Monday through Friday 9am-7pm EST. We have also sent your further correspondence via the mail regarding this matter.
Thank you for visiting the Campbell Soup web-site.
Campbell Soup Web Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR CAMBELL:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORM LETTER BUT IF I HAD MONEY FOR A PHONE I WOULD NOT BE EATING YORU SOUPS NOW WOULD I
MY MOTHER'S HEAD IS OK BUT SHE HAS PROMISED TO NEVER EAT CAMPABELL'S SOUP AGAIN...MEGA NOODLE IS GOOD FOR TEENAGERS OR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO JUMP OUT OF PLANES BUT MY MOTHER IS 92 YRS OLD...HER HEALTH IS AILING...DONT KNOW WHY YOU HAVE TO CRAM SO MANY NOODLES INTO SOUP!!! SHE HAS BEEN CRYING TODAY BECAUSE ITS NOT SOUP ANYMORE JUST A CAN-SHAPED BRICK OF NOODLES!!! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?! WE ARE MAKING OUR OWN SOUPS FROM NOW ON...CHEAPER AND WE CAN CONTROL THE AMOUNT OF NOODLES SO THIS DOESNT' GET OUT OF HAND AGAIN. IF I WANTED TO EAT STRAIGHT NOODLES I WOULD HAVE JUST COOKED NOODLES!!! I CANT EVEN GET THEM APART WITHOUT A BUTTER NIFE!!! UNLESS YOU CAN WRITE ME SOMETHING NOT A FORM LETTER THEN I AM SWITCHING TO CHUNKEY SOUP!
GOODBYE CAMBELLS!
JIM OHN-HARGRAVE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chunky Soup is, of course, made by Campbell's.
Their response to my threat:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Jim Ohn-Hargrave, we received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Campbell Soup Company.
Again, thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. Mega Noodle was developed in response to consumer requests for soups with even more noodles than the regular or double noodle varieties offer. We try to offer as many different products as possible to satisfy as many consumers as possible. Unfortunately, not all products meet all consumers preferences.
Thank you for visiting the Campbell Soup Company web-site.
Campbell Soup Web Team
Supervisor
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In a related thing, I had an ACTUAL stupid damage problem. I had batteries in one of those cool firemen's/diving flashlights. Some sort of gas built up in it (since it was airtight) and exploded like a mini bomb. The flashlight was in the closet, and shrapnel shredded the dress I had hanging next to it, as well as an umbrella. Shrapnel was also embedded in the door. My roommates and I were lucky we were eating dinner in another room when it went off. I had just gone in there to get pictures to show everyone at the table. All in all, I had to send the dress, umbrella, flashlight bits, and scary exploded batteries to their investigation center. I got coupons for $40 of free batteries, the retail price of the dress and umbrella, and a new flashlight from the company that made it. The flashlight had some sort of pellets that absorbed the dangerous gasses. So I actually got to say "Gee mom, sorry I can't wear a dress to that event. My flashlight exploded and destroyed it!"
