[b said:
Quote[/b] ]but she is only THREE
So you're saying he should've waited until she was 12 to punish her for it? No. If three is old enough to lie, three is old enough to know what "don't" means. I remember a couple times I was spanked when I was three. I knew why I was being spanked. It's better to spank at 3 then at a later age, because it works better on little kids. Spanking does not, however, EVER work on a preteen or teenager. I know this. If I was spanked now, it wouldn't mean half a crap to me, because it wouldn't bother me and would make me even more defiant. But when you're three, it works, because when you're three, pain is at the top of your list of things you do not want to experience, and just a spank isn't going to inflict much pain, but enough for you to know what you did was wrong. It's the only thing that's going to work when you're three. An intellectual conversation about what you did and why you should not have done it is not going to work.
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]I think the best way is talking to the child and a punishment involving the loss of something they like.
[b said:
Quote[/b] (SarraceniaScott @ April 18,2005 @ 7:23)]And, in my experience, she is unaffected by times-out and loss of toys.
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EDIT:</span> The first part of this post is
not meant to imply that one thing will work for all kids, because all kids are different and just because something works with one kid doesn't mean it will work with another. You need to KNOW your kids and KNOW what will work on them and what's just going to make them virtually hate you. And what worked when a child was 3 isn't going to work when he/she is a teenager. Trust me, my grandmother still thinks whomping me when she gets pissed is actually going to faze me, when it really doesn't. I've sprained joints, broken a bone, hit nerves and hurt like hell for weeks, split my head open, busted nowhere-near-loose teeth out, fallen off a horse, gotten the wind knocked out of me many times, punched concrete walls repeatedly, and obtained various scars from various other things. A finger-punch in the shoulder or a whomp in the back of the head is
not going to faze me.
And denial of dinner is not going to do anything for some older kids. I don't rely on my grandparents for food. Sure, I eat what they make for dinner if it's something I'll eat, but half the time, I make my own dinner. And I know there are several people way younger than me that can already make their own dinner.
And some kids/teens are "impossible" when it comes to punishing. Literally nothing fazes them except slack from parents. I know that's how it is with me. My grandparents think taking away priveledges, like horseback riding or computer, is going to make me respect them or pay attention to the BS they give me about myself, when it's not going to make me respect them or strive to please them any more. All they need to do is cut me a little slack and respect me as a person and let me be myself without looking down their noses at me and everybody else who does anything different than them, and they'd get respect from me and maybe we'd treat each other like human beings. But that's not how it is with them. They are freakin' SURE that their methods - disrespect; screaming vulgarities; taking away all priveledges because my grades aren't all As but, in fact, some Bs; threatening to "knock my teeth out" (yeah, well, who's gonna pay for the orthodontic repairs? Ain't gonna be ME!) - are going to work on me, but they're just.. not. They never have and they don't. The way it would work with me is by treating me like a person who has opinions, beliefs and SOME experience with life and at least TRYING to hear me out and have intelligent conversations with me. But they're never going to hear me out long enough to understand that, so I guess it's just gonna have to be a war of the worlds until I move out.
Anyway, my point is, you have to know your kids and know what works on them. If spanking works, fine. If necessary, spank. If taking things/priviledges away works, fine. If necessary, take things/privileges away. If timeouts work, fine. If necessary, do timeouts. It's really all about understanding your kids.