"You have just recieved an Amish computer virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, this is based solely on the honor system. Please delete all files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation."
"If a schizofrenic person threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"
"And then the ships hung in the air in exactly the same way that a brick doesn't."
"I used to be schizofrenic, but the other guy killed himself."
"I used to be schizofrenic, but we're better now."
"What's the difference between a Nazi and a bucket of crap? The bucket."
"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman! No, wait. *splat* FOOD FIGHT!"
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha DEATH hahahahahahahahaha."
Ah, the insane garbage my friends come up with.