Well, here's what I did.
Every morning...I gave it THE finest rainwater ice-cubes that the rain that falls around my house could manage. I spoke to it in dulcet, encouraging tones. I gave it a bigger home in which to spread out it's roots, using the same medium, LFS. I genuflected in it's general direction. I asked it to make believe it was in Oregon, and gave it still more rainwater ice-cubes. It was not grateful, nor appreciative of my efforts, nor hardy, nor native.
Or maybe it was just too messed up from being at Lowe's in a little plexiglass cube.
Buh bye little mustachioed plant! Sorry to see you go! April