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God's word

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Clint

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I saw this at a Conservative's forum as a joke from a troll and I figured some of you would think it was funny, too.

IT"S JUST A JOKE AND DON'T GET BENT OUT OF SHAPE but it is really funny (and totally true!)

Hello everyone,

I try daily to educate people regarding God's Law, but I'm unclear on a couple of points that I hope you can clarify.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

c) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the the Sabbath. In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

d) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

e) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

f) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

g) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

h) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyesterblend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

Thank you for helping me remind others that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
 
God's word is eternal and unchanging although many misunderstand it. Jesus said "you have heard it said" many times, and then would say "but I say to you" to eliminate confusion and misunderstanding. Do we really think the blood of a bull or the smell of a carcass is pleasing to the eternal God or is it the obedience of the act? Did the Holy God ever decree laws in a covenantal arrangement to the elect Jews that differed from His covenant with the Gentiles? Do people not understand who The Holy God is and how His holiness is defined in The Holy Bible? He also says that only the remnant will be saved.
 
It's just a joke dude. One of those things, you know, NOT supposed to be taken seriously.
 
Yea I was gonna get all defensive man, but its just a joke and I don't want to ruin the fact that people actually beleive these lies. Nice find JLAP
 
I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED AND SHALL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW BY EXECUTING COMMANDS AND ANGER!

Lol, I think it's pretty funny.
 
It's just a joke dude. One of those things, you know, NOT supposed to be taken seriously.

Eh, I don't think Zappas response is out of line or unjustified. Even if it's a "joke," it's rather pointed and trying to make clarifications in response seems logical.

It's like pointing out why a satirical political cartoon is stupid or incorrect. Sure it's just a cartoon, but if it's wrong, then you want to comment on it.

Regardless, I thought it was rather amusing. XD
 
It's not out of line or unjustified - it just comes across as missing the point :-))
 
It's all about selective enforcement. When law & order types talk about enforcement in our secular world, they mean strict enforcement against things other people want to do. Not against their own speeding, tax evasion, etc. In the same way, when bible thumpers read their laws, they overlook the prohibitions against things they might cook on the grill or toss around the back yard.

Everyone has the right go through the bible line-by-line and decide which parts to follow or to not follow. Assuming no one is harmed. But, in my opinion, someone who doesn't accept each and every line loses any right to tell someone that the bible requires people do a particular thing or prohibits any other thing.
 
To me the funny thing about this joke is how these versus are taken and construed to suit the person's motives. I understand it's a joke but I don't find it personally funny. I find it sad.

But, in my opinion, someone who doesn't accept each and every line loses any right to tell someone that the bible requires people do a particular thing or prohibits any other thing.

Romans 3:19-20:

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

Romans 3:21-24:

But now a righteousness from God, apart form law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:1-4:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised form the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

To summarize:

No one is sinless and no one can live up to the law. The law is useful as a moral code and to exposes our sin. Is it following this code that brings us righteousness? No. It is through faith in Jesus that makes us righteous. Nothing else. Does this mean that we should just sin sin sin and just keep asking for more and more forgiveness? Paul makes it plainly clear...BY NO MEANS. God calls us to a new abundant life through Christ, not the old life lead by our sinful flesh.
 
  • #10
...Wow, guys it's just a joke.
 
  • #11
To me the funny thing about this joke is how these versus are taken and construed to suit the person's motives. I understand it's a joke but I don't find it personally funny. I find it sad.



Whoo! I guess you and me both know what that's like, then!
 
  • #12
Whoo! I guess you and me both know what that's like, then!

Except that I believe those versus to be truths from God, while you believe they are punch lines for jokes that are really funny (and totally true!).
 
  • #13
To me the funny thing about this joke is how these versus are taken and construed to suit the person's motives.

Well, I suppose that it's half of the source of the sattire; more than once have I had a conversation where someone pulls a bit out of the bible to suit their needs and it's supposed to be the end-all be-all. Really it seems to show that it can be manipulated to either end.

...Wow, guys it's just a joke.

"Just a joke" is an oxymoron.
 
  • #15
Since this is "just a joke", and it shouldn't be "taken seriously", can "jokes" about one's ethnic background, sexuall orientation, or favorite bubble gum flavor be expected to be taken the same way?

It's a joke designed to attack someone's personal beliefs. How can you post something like that and not expect someone to take offense?

Personally I don't take offense to things like this, and I don't make it a habbit to attack or joke about those who happen to believe something different than me.

Everyone's all for tolerance and acceptance in todays world, unless you mention God or Jesus.

God's word is eternal and unchanging. But that doesn't mean MAN'S word is. Do you know how many times the "bible" has been translated, re-translated, coppied, pasturized, etc. ? That's putting faith in man not to make one mistake, typo, or throwing in something extra for political reasons. Now that's a leap of faith.
 
  • #16
But that doesn't mean MAN'S word is. Do you know how many times the "bible" has been translated, re-translated, coppied, pasturized, etc. ?

Exxxxxxxxxactly.

JLAP's "joke" wasn't meant to be a "haha" joke as much as it is an illustration to show how some people cherry-pick certain "moral laws" out of the bible to "prove" a point, while ignoring other "moral laws" most consider unreasonable or not applicable in our modern society (such as killing someone who works on Sunday).

Fact is The Bible IS "man's" word...several men as a matter fact, written a couple of thousand years ago and, as stated, rewritten and retranslated over the years. (And without any woman's voice I might add.) In my opinion, selecting very specific scriptures out of context to support discrimination/hate of anybody (gays, women, other races) is just plain wrong.

You do not have to read/believe the Bible to live a "moral life." For myself, "moral" means knowing the difference between right and wrong and living by that as best I can. We should be caring and respectful of one another, be helpful to one another...we shouldn't take what's not ours, especially a life. Its pretty basic and I don't need to pull selected scriptures out of a 2,000 year old book to know what actions are right and wrong in today's society. Whether we like it or not, man's behavior and the legal laws we live by are always changing and always will be. Society and its legal AND moral laws might be very different another 1,000 years from now. (If human beings and the planet is still around).
 
  • #17
Heck even human rights are always changing. I'm predicting the Bill of Rights to get cut down to the first 5 or so amendments and all the others to have an amendment nullifying the first! :jester:

As for the "joke" that was taken too seriously. Yes, it was funny, but it's a joke you have to tell to the right people. There's always someone that's going to take offense when the Bible is misconstrued to make a joke. I don't take offense 'cause there is a place in the Bible (I gotta find it) that says -I'm paraphrasing- God is creating a new covenant for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ in which the old covenant will be made new. Essentially He is saying that the old law will no longer be necessary. We do it all the time and I don't see why God can't do it Himself. In fact, He makes it easier on us! LOL Ain't that a nice thought.:-D
 
  • #18
I think that favorite bubble gum is safe teasing territory :) Religion isn't on the same level as sexual orientation or ethnicity (in my personal opinion, because in my opinion you can choose your religion). I'm very glad to hear you say that it's been manipulated so much, because I believe the same thing. You have to remember that man had hate and politics and discrimination, and the easiest thing in the world for someone to do was to say "Well GOD said it was supposed to be this way" and so it was written in there. Look at preachers today, some say God thinks one thing and some say he thinks something totally different, and at one time some preachers said that it was OK to have slaves and separate water fountains. Even in the Bible it says slavery is OK. I don't think that God says it's OK, do you? If you believe the Bible is the literal word of God, then you must think slavery and murder is OK. One of the BIGGEST obstacles of changing my faith I had to overcome is to realize that God didn't write the bible, man did, and man was just as screwed up, sexist, and homophobic back then as they are now. I had to realize that I didn't have to be a Bible-thumping religious zealot to believe in God. People can go around murdering, and be convinced that God inspired them to do it, but that really doesn't mean anything.

So really, if these were taken out of context, I'd very much like to see you put them IN context and tell me how they don't tell you to murder for silly things. The bottom line is that people, especially corrupt priests thousands of years ago, can say whatever they wan't and people will always blindly follow. I honestly don't think God cares if you touch a woman on her period, or plant multiple crops or wear polyblends (I don't think God is Carson Kressley ) or eat lobster, or fall in love with someone of the same sex. I think God is totally for love in any form, and maybe I sounds like a hippie (I'd be damn proud if I did!) but that's just me. I think God is above the pettiness of man, I really do. I can't believe I'm saying any of this, actually, considering how much of an athiest I used to be. Totally surreal.

PS: Learn to poke fun at yourselves guys! Life is NO fun at all if you can't laugh at yourself! This was not an attack, it was meant to make you laugh and think.
 
  • #19
Guys, it doesn't matter if we think it's funny or not. :slap:

God's gonna get the last laugh anyhow. ;)
 
  • #20
I think that favorite bubble gum is safe teasing territory :) Religion isn't on the same level as sexual orientation or ethnicity (in my personal opinion, because in my opinion you can choose your religion). I'm very glad to hear you say that it's been manipulated so much, because I believe the same thing. You have to remember that man had hate and politics and discrimination, and the easiest thing in the world for someone to do was to say "Well GOD said it was supposed to be this way" and so it was written in there. Look at preachers today, some say God thinks one thing and some say he thinks something totally different, and at one time some preachers said that it was OK to have slaves and separate water fountains. Even in the Bible it says slavery is OK. I don't think that God says it's OK, do you? If you believe the Bible is the literal word of God, then you must think slavery and murder is OK. One of the BIGGEST obstacles of changing my faith I had to overcome is to realize that God didn't write the bible, man did, and man was just as screwed up, sexist, and homophobic back then as they are now. I had to realize that I didn't have to be a Bible-thumping religious zealot to believe in God. People can go around murdering, and be convinced that God inspired them to do it, but that really doesn't mean anything.

So really, if these were taken out of context, I'd very much like to see you put them IN context and tell me how they don't tell you to murder for silly things. The bottom line is that people, especially corrupt priests thousands of years ago, can say whatever they wan't and people will always blindly follow. I honestly don't think God cares if you touch a woman on her period, or plant multiple crops or wear polyblends (I don't think God is Carson Kressley ) or eat lobster, or fall in love with someone of the same sex. I think God is totally for love in any form, and maybe I sounds like a hippie (I'd be damn proud if I did!) but that's just me. I think God is above the pettiness of man, I really do. I can't believe I'm saying any of this, actually, considering how much of an athiest I used to be. Totally surreal.

PS: Learn to poke fun at yourselves guys! Life is NO fun at all if you can't laugh at yourself! This was not an attack, it was meant to make you laugh and think.

It's just a joke and I've already clarified I understood that. However the additional comments especially in your last reply makes it more than a joke that needs answered too.

JLAP: while man was the vessel, God was the inspirer. That's something that isn't hard to grasp and that still God does today. Here's some quick links on its integrity:

http://www.christianworldviewnetwork.com/article.php/909/Gregory_Koukl
http://www.irr.org/Bible-Reliable.html
http://www.leaderu.com/isr/articles_resources/hasbiblechanged.html
http://www.nctimes.com/articles/2007/07/25/faith/21_13_557_19_07.txt

There's many out there. The biggest "translation" problem of the Bible is that some words that were originally Hebrew/Greek have a bigger meaning than our English word. Like for instance the word shalom. It is translated over as peace in English but means much more than that. The internet is a great tool and offers many sites that have the original Hebrew/Greek with greater depth. Sometimes when verses or context do not make sense, looking up the Hebrew/Greek can help clarify.

PAK: Your right that women didn't physically help write the Bible but I don't think that was done out of discrimination. Most women back then probably didn't know how to write due to being too busy trying to raise a family. However it was a woman that God instilled beauty, and it was a woman who carried and raised the Son of God. It was also women who were the first to find that Jesus has risen.

You are correct that morality can be grasped without the law.

Romans 2:14-15:
14 (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15 since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.)

However how can morality change? I think you are right in predicting that less and less respect for morality will happen (AKA the Anything Goes movement).
 
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