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obregon562

Two flies one pitcher. Minus the crap eating.
Supporter
TF,

Im using my totally original idea of giving away plants based on fun(ish) criteria! All right! :boogie:

Here's what's at stake:

Amorphophallus konjac (plant or tuber, winner decides)

OR


S. rubra ssp. rubra "Long Lid" division

OR


Vitis vinifera 'Merlot' (Wine grape good for eating too) cutting

OR


If youre deemed worthy, something better-er! :-O

All you have to do is either:

Write me a nice little story, preferably CP based. Fiction/Non-fiction, its all good to me.

OR

Send me your best, rarest, most fabulous CP (in way of picture form).

OR

Send me a good joke. I like jokes. :poke:

OR

Do something fabulous to impress me!



This give away will last until i've found suitable recipients for all 4 of the prizes. Its possible one person will get all four. When i recieve your whatever your turning in, i will post your name here.

Then i will somehow chose a winner. Most likely either a bracket format or "names in a hat" style.

Good luck!
Frankie
 
Something fabulous on the way!
 
Bob the Sailor

There are many Bobs. I’ll list them: Bob the sailor, Bob the Park Ranger, Dr. Bob, Bob the football player, Bob the Amish man, Bob the racecar driver, Bob the superhero, Bob the janitor, Bob the teacher, Bob the actor, Bob the army man, Bob the spy, Bob the plumber, Bob the cowboy, Bob the hippie, Franken Bob, Darth Bob, Spartan Bob, T.V. head Bob, Bob the Spaceman, and plain old Bob<O:p></O:p>
All of them have their own unique adventure (except plain bob.) <O:p></O:p>
I’ll start with Bob the Sailor. Bob the Sailor is just a deckhand on a ship. Bob the sailor’s enemy is the kraken. <O:p></O:p>
One day, Bob is just mopping the decks when he hears the Kraken. It is a painful scream and Bob covers his ears.<O:p></O:p>
Bob quickly puts in earplugs and grabs the spear gun. He lures the kraken in and then he shoots the kraken in the heart. This isn’t enough, so bob grabs an axe and throws it at the kraken. Unfortunately it misses, so bob jumps in the life boat, and , with the other sailors abandons ship.<O:p></O:p>
There in the lifeboat he finds a depth charge. He has an idea. Again he lures in the kraken and jumps inside the kraken. Bob, inside the kraken’s stomach gets the depth charge and sets it. Bob quickly gets out of the Kraken and the depth charge goes off and the kraken is defeated.<O:p></O:p>
During the battle with the kraken many sailors were eaten or mortally wounded. The captain was one of the ones lost with the ship. <O:p></O:p>

And that is what I did over spring break. True story

I hope to win the rubra
 
was I supposed to pm? oh,sorry
 
LOL
 
ill try :)

send a pic after regents....lol
 
Write me a nice little story, preferably CP based. Fiction/Non-fiction, its all good to me.

THE GIANT PITCHER:
"Look at that leucophylla", Josh said.
"Woah!" I said. "too bad it wasn't bigger"
I decided to make it bigger and give it growth hormones
In the morning i woke up and noticed a 30-foot tall leucophylla in my yard, and something smelled like chocolate. I crawled up to see what it was, and slipped in the pitcher. SO never fertilize cps.

I was competing for rubra
 
For anything but the grapes (I can't root them)
Monologue of a Neglected Tropical Houseplant - How Plants Became Carnivorous
It’s so dry in here… haven’t these people ever heard of humidifiers? For godssake, the relative humidity is like 20% in this room. And the roots – ugh! It’s like being crammed into an elevator with 50 obese sick people. And where are the drainage holes? I feel like I’m sitting in the Great Flood except there’s no ark to save me here. Some jerk poured a gallon of UNDISTILLED cold water into this ridiculous holding cup. How dare they treat a majestic tree fern from the hills of Borneo this way? Idiots. I’m going to drop a few of my beautiful leaves and see how they like it. Maybe then they’ll actually do some RESEARCH on my natural needs and get me a bigger freakin’ pot. Maybe it’ll even have drainage holes…
Oh god. More water. Now there’s a flood floating ON TOP of a flood. Rootball disturbed! Panic! Moving into operation shrink to soggy crust at bottom of pot. Just gotta remember to leave some green so they don’t throw me away. But mark my words; it’ll be a very shriveled, weak, form-crippling green, not the lush verdure they see in their stupid gardening magazines. How could they pour more water on…? I can imagine the scene now: “hmm… looks like our little palm tree thing is wilting a bit. I gave it a whole bucket of water… so let’s add more water.” Whoever’s taking care of me probably has a horticultural experience consisting of the wave petunia and the half-dead African Violet. And for your information, I am not a “little palm tree thing.” I am a Cyathea, a skyscraping fern from the heart of the jungle taken out and put in this ****hole. Unbelievable.
Did I mention how dark it is in here? I require approximately 4,000 lumens to photosynthesize properly. Now my chloroplasts detect closer to 400. I’m probably next to a north facing window in the darkest corner of the room. And every day it gets darker. The sun turns off earlier and earlier. It’s cold, too. Not even seventy degrees… I can’t process proteins anymore! This never happens in Borneo…
My roots are getting dryer. Well, at least the imbeciles that bought me from the store seem to have stopped watering now. Time to get some root growth in. Maybe I’ll put out a little offshoot just to let them know “hey, idiots, you do good thing!” Maybe I can photosynthesize a bit with that and build from there. But no, I know any minute now that another flood is coming. But wait… A day has passed and they still haven’t watered me! Oh look, there goes another day, and another… Soil’s getting a little firm, nothing I can’t handle, there’s another day without watering. Now I’m getting slightly pissed. When I wanted less water I didn’t mean I wanted the Sahara desert. They’re supposed to wait until the top is dry and then pour in approximately four cups of DISTILLED warm water. Well, the top of my soil is dry. I’m waaaiting…
I’M THIRSTY!!! The tonicity of my cells is moving towards hypertonic! They’re releasing water! The firm, rigid cellular structure that supports my stately frame is collapsing into a heap! How dare they neglect me!! The idiots are probably entertaining guests right now and sucking on beers at a soccer party. Don’t they know their beautiful fern is dying? Help me. Cannot… go on… like this…
AAAAUGH!!!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!! THEY’RE EATING ME ALIVE!!! DAMN YOU, TETRANYCHUS URTICAE!!!! Stop sucking on your beer and get a freakin’ pesticide! I need something systemic, quick! And I’M STILL THIRSTY!!! I’m going to die. This is not just a lament. It’s a threat. Water me and get a pesticide or I’ll do it.
Hey, somebody’s watering me. It’s not a gallon of water this time but it’s STILL NOT DISTILLED! Come on, a gallon of distilled water costs like a buck at stop and shop! And wait… something else is coming… Am I being misted?
OUCH!! Not a contact insecticide, imbecile! Didn’t you read the instructions on the bottle? ONE tablespoon per gallon, not twelve! I asked for something SYSTEMIC. That means that I can absorb it into my system and then kill all the stupid urticae at once. Instead, they gave me some stupid soap-based Schultz thing. Humans screw up everything they try to do themselves. They might as well have rubbed Vaseline on my leaves. Now I’ve got leaf burn over 90% of my foliage. They’re asking for it now. How the hell am I supposed to photosynthesize with all my leaves burned off? Starting from scratch AGAIN. Dammit.
What’s this? I’m being watered again, but this time there’s something good. Something real good. I like it. I want more. My cells detect additional nitrogen, some growth enhancers… hey, it’s a fertilizer! Keep pouring keep pouring…
Hmmm? Is anybody there? Hey, I’m back in Borneo! The trees are beautiful and shimmering. It’s a fantasy world. Oh look, here comes a squirrel. He’s smiling. For some reason this is confusing. What? He’s giving me some water. How nice. Lots of water, lots of water, lots of water. I like water. Water is ggggrrrreeeaaaat.. mmm hmmm. Reeaally greeeeaaat. I really like water. Can I have some more water, Mr. Squirrel? Why, of course I can. Quicke… heyyy, I have a flower scape…… … Look at those priddy flowers. Priddy flowers….. priiiidy flowers…………………………………..
Huh? What happened to my flower scape? Where’s Mr. Squirrel? Hey wait… I’m in some stupid house, aren’t I? And the guy pouring the ferts in. My roots! Where are my roots? OH MY GOD I CAN’T FEEL MY ROOTS! They’re… dissolving!......can’t…..obtain…….essential……phosphates…………………..
I need nutrients. I’m hungry. I’m hungry. I’m hungry. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. FEED ME! FEED ME!!!!!!!!
 
PMs prferred, but this is fine too lol.
 
  • #10
Metamorphosis

Obregon woke up one morning to find that he had been transformed into a fairly large bug. Picking up the scent from his nearby CPs, he headed to the largest, most delectable pitcher of Nepenthes truncata to avidly suck up all the sweet nectar. Against his instincts, he prowled deeper and deeper into the pitcher avidly drinking all the nectar that the plant had to offer, gradually becoming more euphoric as the intoxicating sap filled with bulging thorax. It is no surprise that almost willingly, he found himself falling into the liquid-filled recesses of the pitcher and even as the waters took him, he could not help but marvel at the candy-like colors and wonderful scents even as his chitinous body slowly sank into the welcoming embrace of the plant.

-The End-

I can tell this joke because one of my great grandparents was Jewish:

Q: "Why did the Jewish-American princess snort "Nutra-Sweet"?
A: "She thought it was Diet Coke"

Not my best picture, but a good sampler of my collection:

05-02-2009-bogs.jpg
 
  • #11
heres a few pics of a couple plants...

my biggest and smallest nepenthes

heres my biggest nep being my N. truncata...

Picture040.jpg

it has 4 pitchers working on its 5th most of them were made in the winter and thats why there smaller than normal, that big one in the front was made last summer in august, in like a 14in pot

heres my smallest being n. villosa...

Picture043.jpg

got this one im gona say about a month ago along with a ton of others its acclimated and growing great, only about 1in diameter in a 4inch pot.

here they are together...

Picture044.jpg
 
  • #12
edaxflamma is also entered via email.
 
  • #13
"The Accident" (fiction lol sort of a joke/ short story.)
One day, my dog got to a bag of peat moss, and ate a whole bunch. A few days later, it defecated the peat, and I picked it up and put a venus flytrap in it. The venus flytrap thrived and the traps were the size of a basketball, and many flies were attracted by the smell of the poop. Now I feed my dog peat moss and use his feces as my main soil. And we all lived happily ever after.

sorry for the lame story haha, I just thought of it somehow. And thanks for doing this giveaway :)
 
  • #14
allegedhuyman and blokeman are entered via PM.

Guys, remember when i put OR haha?
 
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