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Nepenthes seed available (freebie)

I am going to give away one, or possibly two seed pods of N. ventricosa X N. lowii this coming week. (an N. Briggsiana remake) What do you have to do to qualify? First, you must indicate that you have sufficient experience growing this genus from seed that you can confidently grow these seeds. Secondly, you will need to exercise your wit and humor skills. IE: post a reply here that makes me laugh, and I mean a genuine LOL, not just a half-hearted grin. The first person who can provide a good laugh wins.

Have at it, and good luck. I will announce a winner when I an sufficiently amused :awesome:
briggsiana-2.jpg
 
1-Apparently Nepenthes seeds don't go for me

2-All my jokes are far to dirty, and will get me banned

3-I'm Canadian!

Thanks for doing this giveaway! Very generous of you! But I will refrain from participating!
 
two blondes walk into a bar and only one gets up. buh dum chik

I'm blonde so this joke is ok :D anyway not entering cause i've never grown neps from seed but great giveaway. After seeing quogue's vent x lowii at ICPS I really want to try this plant
 
1-Apparently Nepenthes seeds don't go for me

2-All my jokes are far to dirty, and will get me banned

3-I'm Canadian!

Thanks for doing this giveaway! Very generous of you! But I will refrain from participating!

1) appreciate your honesty
2) it doesn't have to be a joke, per se, it just have to be something that makes me laugh. You get serious bonus points for wit and originality.
3) Canadians aren't allowed to grow Nepenthes??
 
two blondes walk into a bar and only one gets up. buh dum chik

I'm blonde so this joke is ok :D anyway not entering cause i've never grown neps from seed but great giveaway. After seeing quogue's vent x lowii at ICPS I really want to try this plant

If you can get cuttings (or a started plant) you will find it is a seriously easy hybrid to grow.
 
A guy walks into a bar and sits down looking distraught and obviously depressed.

Finally, the bartender asks him..." Why so down buddy, what's wrong ?"

They guy says " It's a long story....I fell in love with my high school sweetheart, we got married, everything was going great. Then, one day she ate some poison mushrooms and died."

The bar tender says " Jeeez, that's terrible. Sorry to hear that."

The guy says " Oh, it gets worse. A few years went by and I met another woman and fell madly in love. We ended up getting married and everything was going great. Then, one day she ate some poison mushrooms and died."

The bartender says " That's unbelievable, I'm so sorry to hear that !"

The guy says " Yeah, it gets even worse. Two years ago I fell in love again, we got married and everything is going really great."

So, the bartender says " Wait, if everything is going great then, what's wrong ?"

The guy says " She won't eat the danged mushrooms."
 
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and here's my attempt

What do you call two draft horses running into each other?
Collides-dales

What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
you get repossed

pic of one of my truncata babies..germinated last summer
photobucket-8330-1343769434132.jpg
 
No clear winner yet (though Cthulhu138 got a respectable chuckle). Keep em coming.
 
Okay..not a joke per say but my old answering machine message (wrote it myself) from back when not everyone had phones with push buttons.

Thank you for calling suicide prevention, please choose from the following options:
if you are planning on commiting suicide by sleeping pills please press one
if you are planning on committing suicide by gunshot please press two
if you are planning on committing suicide by jumping off a bridge or building please press three
if you have not yet decided on your method of suicide or do not have a touch tone phone please press zero or wait for the next avalaible counsler to assist you
again, thank you for calling suicide prevention and have a nice day
 
  • #10
I have a good joke but it is slightly inappropriate. :lol:
 
  • #11
....................................
 
  • #12
Nice giveaway Paul! Too bad i'm nowhere near funny.
 
  • #13
A teacher was doing a study on the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to idenitfy the flavors by their color:

Red..................Cherry
Yellow..............Lemon
Green...............Lime
Orange.............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all Honey lifesavers. After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," she said, " I will give you a clue. It's what your mother sometimes calls your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my god!! They're ***-holes!"
 
  • #14
A teacher was doing a study on the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to idenitfy the flavors by their color:

Red..................Cherry
Yellow..............Lemon
Green...............Lime
Orange.............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all Honey lifesavers. After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," she said, " I will give you a clue. It's what your mother sometimes calls your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my god!! They're ***-holes!"

I know it's voting aginst myself but I spit out my coffee on this one, dionae you owe me a new keyboard.
 
  • #15
Its all I have so I hope it makes Paul laugh too lol.
 
  • #16
Watch your language
 
  • #17
very nice of ya whim and Im not entering but in the spirit of the contest....



A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friars found it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran a floral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venus fly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so they just kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were no longer enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. It ate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, then raccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this and attempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One way or another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms of large animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired a professional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed the monastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them over to the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars

cheesey yes, but cp oriented :)
 
  • #18
I hate being bipolar...its awesome!
 
  • #19
How about a Miami Dolphin fan living in Maine?
 
  • #20
Butch, seriously, that was so terrible! Amazing! You are obviously the king... :hail:
 
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