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Got a question for you all...

Some of you guys know about my relation ship troubles for the past 3-4 months. I messed up thought I wasn't happy, convinced my self and others that i wasn't. The past 2 months things have gotten alot better, but then today i realized several things. And Im right back at square one, how the #### do you guys deal with a girl who says she still loves you, and has feelings, and says she still cares, but she says that she wants to build a relation ship.

And ive realized something im an emotionally attached, and emotionally dependent person, I don't know how to change this, i want to talk to a councilor but i don't want to disappoint my mom. And This girl we dated for a year and 9 months gonna be two hear soon. and it is just so depressing, and its so hard, cause i love this girl and i cant talk to her and show her any kind of affection cause it will just make her annoyed with me.

I just dont know what to do guys, i cant live life looking like im happy and doing fine, and being around a wonderfull person like her. She made me so happy, she was the best thing, but i didnt realize what i had.

It just is so #### hard. I have tried breaking things off not talking to her for a while, but i can never not stay away from her.

Love is an addiction, its worse than heroin.
 
Why would going to a therapist dissapoint your mother?

Who's we? And why would she be annoyed with you if she said herself she wants a relationship?

Personally, I think you need to stop focusing on what makes her so great (If she even is a great as you say) and start looking at what you like about yourself.

I dunno if you're high right now, but don't replace the need for love with the need for dope. Don't use to make yourself feel better when you're sad.
 
nope havent touched drugs in 2 months...

my mom would be disapointed in the fact that the last time i went she cried her *** off afraid that im gonna turn out like her brother who is preaty much allways in jail. and just all sorts of stuff like that.

the thing is their really is nothing i like about my self... im not ungratefull for the life i have no i just dont like anything about myself.
 
Feed her to a plant for being a confusing chica!  
devil.gif
 
Going to therapy is no big dealio dude. Lots of people do it. Prozac is like the number 1 script right now. If you are depressed, see a doctor. Take prozac. Look at it like a tool that can help you instead of a drug that you're dependant on forever. You can wean yourself off of it under a Dr.'s supervision.

As much of a proponent for drugs as I am, don't take prozac as a miracle pill then go off of it once you feel better. Do not screw with Seratonin. I believe prozac is the only SSRI approved by the FDA for people under 18. If you really do have a genetic chemical imbalance, then prozac could be enough, but if you have a problem expressing your feelings and dealing with them in a healthy way, then therapy is good. Don't be embarrassed for needing therapy. With the world we live in, it's just part of it sometimes.

Therapy would be, at the very least, a way to tell your mom how you feel about her crying and let her know that her actions and emotions affect you. Sounds like she needs some therapy if she's afraid for your future to such a great extent. No offense.


Also, it's winter. The lower light levels lower the Seratonin in our brains in some people and this can cause seasonal depression and/or make pre-existing depression worse. I'm always a little gloomy in the winter.


Ever considered that she's NOT good for you even thought you love (or atleast think you do, there's a difference) her?
Just because you feel happy all the time around someone doesn't mean that's healthy. A real relationship isn't all fun and games and happiness all the time. Ask any married couple... anywhere
smile.gif
The only time i've ever seen anyone happy 100% of the time was when I almost got involved in a white supremecist cult disguised as a drug rehab program, but that's another story for another day
smile.gif
 
No one needs to know about you going to therapy except your mom. No one, and i doubt many would care. Then again, some guys who think its a weakness for any man to seek help like that are just stupid, they are wrong, and they dont even need to know. Do you buy into their claims than men dont show emotion? Is that the problem?
rock.gif
DO you think your mom or your girl will think of you as weaker to show it? Thats their problem, not yours.
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]my mom would be disapointed in the fact that the last time i went she cried her *** off afraid that im gonna turn out like her brother who is preaty much allways in jail. and just all sorts of stuff like that.

What? This is so illogical I can't stand it.

First of all, I would be willing to bet your issues are in a whole different plane from his. So you're emotional. So what?

Getting therapy is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a GOOD thing. For some reason, there is still some rediculous stigma associated with it. I say get the therapy, and if people give you a hard time, just tell them that they're the ones who are chicken. They're too scared to actually FACE their issues.

Bah.

Oh, and lesson #1, grasshopper. Give up NOW on trying to understand women. Never gonna happen.
 
I wasn't gonna post, but I do want to say that I would trust illegal drugs more than the prescription kind. Those drugs are the most dangerous I think. Not saying you should use the other kind either.
Your friends should be your best therapist. If you can't talk to them, they're not that good of friends.
Your mom worries about you, that's good, shows she cares.
As for this girl, you're young, I wouldn't stay with her for too long. Especially if you can't talk to her or express your feelings to her. You need to find what's right for you. The easiest way to move on is either to find someone new or to just not see her anymore and enjoy the single life doing whatever you wanna do when you wanna do it.
I've been in and out of love with quite a few women, and been single for long stretches too.
For me, I've experienced alot and have a good idea of what I'm looking for because of that. Being single I got to focus on myself and just be me.
This has worked for me, maybe it's something to think about.
The worst thing to do is to bottle up your thoughts & emotions and keep them to yourself. That can be downright dangerous. Therapist's aren't always the best either, friends and family are always the best to talk to beacause they care and they know you. And they're free!

Hope this helps dude...
 
There's nothing wrong with SSRI's if you really need them. I took them and hated it but I DID NOT need them. I'm down to 10 mg's a day and by april or may I should be off completely.

I don't mean to contradict you or anything.
 
  • #10
Don't worry about it, you have a different experience with them and a different opinion. I have friends that use em, but I'm wary of em.
Especially with those tv commercials that have people sittin at a desk at work all sad and they take this magic pill and all of a sudden they're all happy.
That's like "even if your life is dull and miserable you can be happy with our product"
For biological imbalances they are key and I wouldn't want to insult anyone who really needs them.
But for being bummed out from a girl isn't a good reason for them I kinda think.
 
  • #11
Oh, I agree. Only Cody knows the extent to his depression.

lol, what you said about a magic pill reminds me of this hilarous video from MADTV lmao! You GOTTA see it, it's so funny!





HILAROUS magic pill parody!
 
  • #12
Bummer, I can't see it. I'm at my work computer (working hard?) and those things always get blocked... I'll check it out when I can though, thanks!
 
  • #13
I don't know the situation, but it doesn't really sound too much like you need drugs... just somebody neutral to talk with. Counseling is the best bet right now. Your mom doesn't need to know, especially if you expect her to give you flack about it; there are plenty of free, confidential counseling services out there. You can call your local city hall or county government office and ask them, or look it up in the phone book.
Now isn't the time to be worrying about what your mom thinks. You have issues that you need to deal with for yourself, and if you don't, then you might really end up with problems like your uncle. But counseling isn't going to cause those problems; that's like saying prostate exams give you colon cancer. Just because people in therapy have problems, it doesn't mean that therapy caused those problems. People seek out therapy because they have problems, not the other way around.
If your mom is keeping you from getting therapy because she has issues about her brother, then she should probably be in therapy too. I don't want to be accusatory, but that's just a huge red flag for me - keeping someone else from seeking out help is an incredibly destructive, codependant behavior and I think you really should get some distance from it for the sake of your emotional well-being.
~Joe
 
  • #14
A few years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. It was VERY difficult, not only because of the years of emotional attachment, but because he was still in love with me. It took about 3 long talks for him to realize that we weren't going to get back together.

Relationships are tough. Especially this part of them. You're far from alone in being stressed out because of a situation like this.

The one thing that really helped me - and I recommend to you - is to really take the time to focus on being ME, by myself, and not half of a relationship. CUT HER OFF. I know you don't want to hear that, but be strong. It sounds like your girlfriend is also afraid of being separated. Be strong. It will be good for her, too.

If I hadn't been firm...even when it would have been so much more secure and easy to get back into the relationship...I never would have met some of my best friends, nor would I have discovered carnivorous plants, or ultimate frisbee - my two biggest passions. and where would i be without CPs?!
 
  • #15
I'm not a fan of government intrusion into private lives, but there ought to be a law banning any commitment in young relationships.  Based on my experience and observations, I'd say people are mature enough for alcohol long before they're mature enough for a serious relationship.
 
  • #16
[b said:
Quote[/b] (herenorthere @ Jan. 10 2007,2:50)]I'm not a fan of government intrusion into private lives, but there ought to be a law banning any commitment in young relationships.  Based on my experience and observations, I'd say people are mature enough for alcohol long before they're mature enough for a serious relationship.
Bruce for president!
 
  • #17
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Presto @ Jan. 10 2007,12:04)]CUT HER OFF.
I agree. I know it's probably one of the hardest things to even contemplate doing; but, it's probably the healthiest. I know I posted something about a similar experience I had with my high school girlfriend (my wife now) in a previous post you started so I won't go into details. It's not healthy nor fair to be in a relationship with someone who isn't completely aware of who they are or what they want or vice versa.

The other point of advice is to be completely honest and open about how you are feeling and what you expect during your time together and your time apart. It's near impossible to be friends with someone you broke up with immediately after your breakup. Space! Give each other space.

If anything, as you two grow and develop as individuals you will realize one of two things: 1) you should be together again; or, 2) you shouldn't be together. It becomes difficult if one or the other comes to a different conclusion at the same time but you must allow each other to come to their own conclusion.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... I don't know if that is true in every case, but you can't possibly come to the correct conclusion if you two are continuously breaking up your flows of life.

Food for thought.

xvart.
 
  • #18
Thanks guys, i have been thinking about it, and well while for now, im going to talk to her and tell her that I need space, from what i can tell is shes gotten over the inital emotoinal part, and thats what shes worried about is that i cant survive w/ out a gf for an extended period of time so what im doing is im going to be trying to figure out my own life b4 we ever date again, so im gonna talk to her tell her im going to give her more space.

Thanks guys... i just was kinda over reacting last night when I posted that, kind of a stress attack, im probably gonna go visit a shrink, let my mom know and stuff. Hopefully I can talk to one of the shrinks i went to before.
 
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