I need to vent.......yet again! *Sorry*

[Trapper7]

This may not sound like a big deal but it is to me and I am getting frustrated. Jeff and I have not told his mom that we are getting married at a park, she thinks we are doing it at the courthouse still. I told her that Jeff didn't want to have people there because it would only take 5 minutes. That's not the real reason, it's because he hates his mom. Now I know hate is a strong word, especially to use towards your own mother, but after living in the same house with this woman, I can see why he does hate her, and I have also grown not very fond of her at all. It's very hard to live with her, and we try our best not to fight with her because we all live here together and I would like to remain sane.

We decided to still be nice to her and have all three of us go out to dinner that evening to celebrate (cause it's also Jeff's Birthday). Jeff didn't even want to do that with her but I said that all heck will break loose if we don't somehow celebrate this with her.

When I told Jeff's mom that we are getting married, she immedietly invited herself. I talked to Jeff about it that night and that's when he said no way, so I told his mom, in a nice way, that nobody else will be there so yada yada yada......

Now last week, she told me that this guy she is seeing (he's obsessed with her and she uses him for money, it's such a loving relationship!) wants to take us ALL out for dinner on our wedding day. I have said hi to this guy maybe 5 times and Jeff has NEVER met him (until last week). I said no I don't want this, we don't know the guy, he doens't know us at all and it would be like a stranger taking us out on our wedding day, kinda awkward! Ok so I said no. She talks bad about this guy ALL the time and doesn't want to be with him but he won't leave her alone so she keeps going out with him.

Ok so that day she told me this, I thought everything was ok (sorta) until this guy comes in (with Jeff's mom) and personally TELLS (not asks) Jeff (who had JUST come home from work and had a very crappy day) that he is going to take us all out for dinner, he's paying for everything. Jeff said no it's ok the first time, but he kept pushing it (meanwhile, Jeff's mom is standing behind him making faces and saying sorry quietly to me, apparently she had no idea he was going to come in and say this). So he told us to pick a place.

Jeff and I felt very uncomfortable but a few days later we picked a place. We picked a Chinese restaurant, it is cheap but the food is still good. I told Jeff's mom this the other day and she said "No, that's too cheap" (see she just uses him for money!) I said well, Jeff and I don't feel very comfortable picking an expensive place and having a stranger pay for it!

BTW we were told to pick a place, and when I suggested the chinese place to Jeff's mom she right away said no, only proving once again that everything is about HER HER HER! SHE invited herself to our wedding and now HER boytoy wants to pay for everything. SHE wants to go to a really expensive place over here but Jeff and I refuse. It would be about $25 per person and that's just too much in our eyes. So why were we asked where we wanted to go if it really didn't matter??

So right then I said to Jeff's mom that we don't want her boyfriend to do this, we don't feel comfortable. So she said that she'll just tell him that Jeff and I changed our minds and nobody is going.

Well apparently she has not told him this yet! Just now he came to pick her up. Jeff's mom went to her room to get ready. While she was there, he started whispering to me, telling me that it really hurts Nancy's (Jeff's mom) feelings that she can't go to the wedding reception and if we could change it from noon to like 3pm, because she will be off work by then. I got so pissed! Once again, someone is trying to push their way into our wedding. He doesn't know that the reason we don't want her there is because we don't like her and don't want to share this special day with her at all! So now he's telling me to change MY wedding time to accomadate HER!

HECK NO!

I just grabbed my dog and took off to my room, I said nothing. He was whispering stuff like, "I don't want her to know I asked" and "It really hurts her feelings that she can't be there" and blah blah blah.

I know what I just wrote was incredibly mean, but please believe me when I say that this woman is very mean and cruel. She says VERY mean things to Jeff (and sometimes to me too) for NO REASON. She constantly talks behind our back to her daughters and friends (i've overheard her on the phone a couple times talking bad about me and Jeff), telling them lies about us and then we get mean calls from them telling us to be nice to her and they tell us she said things that NEVER happened! We have been threatened to have the cops called on us by Jeff's sister because she is afraid for her mother's life! Like we would ever touch the woman! She told her daughter that she's afraid of Jeff! He's has never raised a hand to her nor will he ever! She has lied countless amount of times and I've had it. Jeff has learned to ignore her but he still gets very upset. He barely says two words to her when they're in the same room. She does not like us, that is quite apparent but she likes to pretend that she does. Everything must be about her, so even though she doesn't like us and is totally against this marriage, she still invited herself right away to our wedding, to make herself feel better I guess.

She doesn't even know that the dog is going! I don't enjoy being two-faced and I know that is what I am doing with her (as is she with us) but we do have to live together at this point, we have no choice at the moment, so we have to make the best of it, so if I have to pretend to like her and smile at her just so she won't go balistic on us and start slamming doors and throwing things and SCREAMING curse words at us, well then that's what I have to do.

I have talked to my mom a lot about this and she said that unfortunetly we have to be pleasant with each other. I'm trying but it's hard. I want nothing to do with her or her daughters and as soon as Jeff and I move, she will be in our past. We are not giving her our new address or phone or anything.

It's unfortunate, I wish Jeff was as close to him parents (his dad died, but he was a jerk too) as I am to mine, but sometimes it doesn't work out.

I'm sorry this is so long, I'm just upset. I just want to marry Jeff, that's all.

 

[nepenthes gracilis]

 

[neon-eon]

:-( Oh that sucks. All I can say is that this wedding is about you and jeff, so despite what she says or does, I think you should try to continue with your plans. Your wedding only happens once, so the way you and Jeff want it is the best way... I'm not in your shoes though so it's probably easier said than done.. I'm sorry...I wish you both the best of luck.

-Gabe

 

[Clint]

Ummm... so Jeff want's her to be there?

Remember that it's his wedding, too and you gotta make sacrifices.

 

[xvart]

That does suck. It can be really difficult dealing with "future" in-laws. Just imagine how big of an ordeal it would be if you were having a large wedding. Of course, then she would be invited and that problem would be settled...

My dad once told me: "Son, I've been doing the dishes and washing clothes for 35 years and I havn't enjoyed it once. Sometimes you have do do things you don't want to do just to keep the peace."

As much as it is a pain to deal with, I would just recommend going along and keep in mind that soon you will be on your own, and as you said, all this will be in the past. It really sucks having so many people in your business; but, you might suggest that you want to go out to dinner before the wedding instead of on your special day. Then you can talk to them both and explain why you want it to just be the two of you. Then they could have a small part of the wedding celebration prior to the actual day, and then you can also have a nice (hopefully) conversation with them. However, it sounds like that might not be possible... Regardless, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do just keep the peace.

It sucks, but soon it will all be over and at the end of the day, you and Jeff will be married.

Hope that helps a little...

xvart.

 

[rattler]

when my wife told her mom that we were getting married the first words out of her mouth were "Are you insane?"............keep in mind that we had been together for over 3 years and were living with each other for most of that..........thats one of the nicer things she has done...........the day that woman dies will not be a sad one for me.............

its your wedding do as you wish............screw everyone else..........if your really feeling blue ask me about my sister in laws husband.................... :grin:

 

[herenorthere]

A wedding (and the first few months afterwards) can be the first big hurdle for a couple and you have be very accepting of all kinds of things. Am I reading it right that you're living with his mother? If so, you have to be even more accomodating

 

[rattler]

ehhhhhhhhh i view any day i piss the MIL off more than she pisses me of a very good day.......the wife thinks its funny, course her mother did refuse to speak to her for 7 years at one point........so she sees the humor in my pass time........

 

[Clint]

Lol, my grandmother LOVED my dad lol.

Niki, you need to go on a honeymoon to one of those sleazy hotels with heart-shaped rotating beds and velvet floors and mirrored ceilings

 

[rattler]

i have no problems with my father in law other than his lack of a backbone 99% of the time.......i get along great with him...................its his wife i hate....................

 

[Trapper7]

Nep_Gracilis- Thanks, that helped!

neon-eon-Thanks, that was nice, I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

JLAP- Where on earth did you read that Jeff wants his mom there? I said he hates her, lol. No he totally doesn't want her there. Ok and why would I go to a sleazy hotel? LOL. I don't think those places are too clean, LOL. We probably won't have a honeymoon for a loooong time.

xvart- What your dad said is so so true! That is exactly what my mom said. Thanks for all you said

rattler_mt- Like I said, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Wow I can't believe they didn't talk for 7 years! I have a feeling we will be doing that with Jeff's mom in the future. Tell me about your sister-in-law's husband.

herenorthere- Actually she lives with us (there is a difference,lol) so we don't have to be AS accomadating, but of course she does help with the bills so it's her house too. But it's under Jeff's name, he bought it.


I'm not going to tell her that her boyfriend asked that of me, I don't want her to know, I just will forget it. I told Jeff when he came home and he just laughed. So that's that.

 

[rattler]

Tell me about your sister-in-law's husband.

first thing yah need to understand is that my wifes sister and i graduated high school together(my wife is actually 8 years older than i)

anyways the wedding COULD NOT be in a church because his family wasnt religious, never mind that she REALLY wanted it to be in the church(big friggin deal i am not religious but my wedding was in a church because thats what my wife wanted) that was the big argument for awhile, there were some smaller ones that i no longer remember.......the wedding was held at a private bar type thing.

fast forward a year and a half..............my inlaws travel down to Nebraska to spend the x-mas holidays with them...........my inlaws spend FIVE HOURS raking their yard because hubby refuses to get off his rear and do it..............my FIL is 75 years old...........

same week...............hubby informs MIL that he refuses to eat left overs........SIL makes argument that technically the mashed potatoes he so loves are left overs due to the fact she boils the potatoes, lets them cool, mashes them and than reheats them..........hubby now refuses to eat mashed potatoes...........

make yah feel any better?.....................and to think hubby is in the Air Force..........


and thats no bull.....................MIL didnt talk to my wife from 1992 to 1999.................

 

[Clint]

You said "While she was there, he started whispering to me, telling me that it really hurts Nancy's (Jeff's mom) feelings that she can't go to the wedding reception and if we could change it from noon to like 3pm, because she will be off work by then. "

I thought he was jeff. Oh it was your mother in law's boy-toy?


Just tell them to F off and maybe then she'll move out. Kill two old snowbirds with one stone.


Dude this avatar is bangin'!

Who's that in the sky? Is it a snowbird? Superman? NO! It's CAPTAIN RUSH!

 

[Trapper7]

OMG rattler, what a jerk that guy is! I like what he was told about the mashed potatos, LOL! He's in the Air Force! That's not right.

Sorry JLAP, yeah I meant the boy-toy. Captain Rush is a stud

 

[Clint]

Just tell him to screw off. Tell him your your MIL is like and what she says. I almost said MILF.

 

[Trapper7]

But then he will definetly tell her and that will start bad things.

Just tell him to screw off. Tell him your your MIL is like and what she says. I almost said MILF.

LMAO! Do you know how many times I thought rattler was saying MILF

 

[PlantAKiss]

Just two words: Jerry Springer.


I say: ELOPE. The trappings of a wedding are just for show anyway. Go off by yourselves, declare your love, tie the knot and use the money you save on not having a wedding to go off and spend a week somewhere quiet and lovely, away from all the stress of family.

A friend of mine here in the office worked for over a year planning her wedding. She did all the traditional things...every minute detail of it.... just like all her friends had done a dozen times in their weddings prior to hers. I could not believe how much time, effort and money was spent on this ONE day. About a couple of weeks before the wedding...she admitted she wished she had just eloped and been done with it. Although she had a perfectly lovely wedding and a blast at the reception, I don't know that it was worth the stress she went through planning it all--trying to get what she and her fiance wanted AND please family too.

I say just go stand on a beach at sunrise and make a pledge to one another as the rising sun spills liquid gold over your faces. Then go out and have a good time!


Just remember: this is YOUR day (and your fiance)! This is all about y'all. NOT your/his family. It is what you make it. You can make it complicated and cry over it all. Or make it simple, make it just about the two of you...and be happy. You don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but the two of you.

 

[Trapper7]

Thanks PAK, I really like the sunset idea! I'm just afraid what will happen after we come back from our wedding. We have no money for taking a week off. We're just getting married, as for the honeymoon, well that will probably never happen to be honest Money is really tight right now, I just lost all of my income and the company Jeff works for is going down and Jeff has to look for another job. I'm worried, lol.

 

[Clint]

Nah don't worry too much! Life isn't worth living if you worry all the time!

 

[xvart]

Just remember: this is YOUR day (and your fiance)!

Yes, let's not forget the male, either! lol.

My wife used to work with this one young lady and she and her now-husband went to vegas by themselves because they were getting too tired of their families being involved in planning this wedding. So they said to heck with it and went to vegas. They had a nice Elvis style wedding! The great part about it was some of those places broadcast over the internet so we were able to watch the wedding later on! We could've watched the live, streaming video; but, we were busy at the time so we just searched the archives. What an experience.

Point is, screw the family! "All you need is love."

xvart.