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oil change

Oil change instructions for women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!
 
lol, i could see that actually happening.

~b
 
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

I'da said priceless. For everything else there's mastercard! :D
 
:-D

My method as of last tuesday:

1) Back car out of parking space on way to work with quick stop for "oil change"

2) Shift into Drive and notice crazy scraping/grinding noise

3) Drive to shop and have them look at the car while they do the oil change

4) have brakes, struts, spings, wheel bearings, etc. replaced.

5) Just a scant $1700 and 24 hours later I have a clean oil filter!
 
Haha, what a coincidence, one of my friends spilled a ton of oil on the ground today when we were changing his oil.
We forgot how fast it can squirt out when you take off the oil plug.
 
If you wait a lot longer between changes, it won't come out so fast and you'll have more time to slide the pan under there. Or only change the oil after an extremely cold night in the winter. I'm sure there must be some kind of solution to that problem.
 
It was actually my friend who made the mistake. He estimated the angle the oil would shoot out wrong so he placed the pan in the wrong spot.
 
I agree... except for the write a check part. In actuality it would most likely be swipe the check card :)
 
Good point - a man write a check? Obviously a woman wrote that. A very bitter woman.
 
  • #10
haha pk did that happen to you?
I think this thread is sexist and I don't drink so no beer -20$ and then no driving under influence so no jail and no impound fee and no bail. I'd go to oil can Henry's guys listen to your wives.
 
  • #11
haha pk did that happen to you?
Umm....what? I didn't even reply in this thread yet! When I had my Nova, I changed the oil myself. It took me 15 mins total and I had a 7qt pan w/ trapdoor, so it was much cheaper to do it by myself.

Now that I have a newer car, I take it to firestone. My parents sold all my jacks and stuff, so I can't even access where I need to be.
 
  • #12
I have to agree with Bruce. A bitter woman wrote that. Takes me 15 to 20 min to change the oil in my car, and I am smart enough to put it on ramps the night before so the car is cool the next day when I plan on changing it.
 
  • #13
Cool? Better when you drive about 10 mins, then let it cool about 15 mins. It comes out faster when it's a bit warm. I've changed my oil when it was cool as well, but definitely prefer warm oil to cool oil.
 
  • #14
I don't change oil anymore either. There isn't a flat enough spot on my driveway to jack or ramp the car with any sense of security and I never developed the microsurgery techniques necessary to change the oil or even a headlight bulb in my 2005 car. Historically speaking, I much preferred changing oil that was a little too hot than a little too cold. But I was changing oil in 60s/70s era cars/trucks and it was possible to reach an oil filter without needing a double-jointed arm and without pressing the flesh with a hot engine block or exhaust manifold. Did I ever mention that I had to walk 10 miles to and from school, uphill in both directions?
 
  • #15
Well that is the reason it takes me a little longer to change the oil. I let it drain a while. I will pull the plug and then go in the house for a min. Cool oil is not issue to me really. It takes a few sec longer to drain than hot oil. So no worries. I waste more time standing around or thinking about something than it takes to drain cool oil. Gives me time to get the oil filter off and replaced. Drink a beer if I am drinking or whatever else I want to do.
 
  • #16
I do mine because none of the local "jiffy lube" type places carry my filter of choice. When I was studying for my ICML Machine Lubricant Analyst certification I learned that most of the common oil filters aren't worth crap. AC Delco is only 30%+ efficient at removing contaminants, Fram was in the 60s IIRC, Pure One is a good one, it was in the low 90's... personally, I prefer Mobil One's filter... man what a diff

main thing is use/maintain the right viscosity and keep it clean... too high of viscosity will cause oil starvation and filter bypass. Too low will cause a loss of full film lubrication and separation of the asperities

I know.... too much information LOL
Av
 
  • #17
But I was changing oil in 60s/70s era cars/trucks and it was possible to reach an oil filter without needing a double-jointed arm and without pressing the flesh with a hot engine block or exhaust manifold.

lol i can reach the oil filter on my 95 Cherokee from both above and below with no problem.......took me 5 minutes to find the oil filter on the 03 Ford truck........i changed the oil on that thing only once in the 70,000 miles we had it......after one time i swore i would never change the oil on new trucks ever again.....and let the garage do it..
 
  • #18
I have to agree with Bruce. A bitter woman wrote that.

lol Y'all tell sexist women jokes all the time and someone tells a male sexist joke and people get huffy. hehe

Rattler...your Cherokee is older than mine. I thought I had the oldest Jeep around.
 
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