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I have a problem

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 9 months, we get in occasional arguments, but who doesn't? One that has happened recently is I do something that is reference to my EX who I've posted about who some of you know is a total... deleted.

Any ways, I really am totally over my ex, I despise her and never want to talk to her again really. She ruined all of my attempted relation ships up until my current girlfriend who put up with her crap. Calling the girls names, finding ways to piss them off, she even went as far as putting lip gloss all under my and the other girls car handles so when you grabbed them, you got lip gloss all over your hands. Pretty nice huh? This gives you an Idea about how much I dislike, and boarder line hate this person.

Well on to the point, Ive made mistakes, Ive accidentally called my current girlfriend my ex's name. They both start with A's so its not like they are similar, but I just dont understand why I do. Ive done it 3-4 times through out the relation ship, and its really up set her until recently when I accidentally got her birth month mixed up with my ex's. :poke:

But I just dont understand WHY, when I honestly dislike my ex, I still have these thoughts in my head, and im not even thinking about her, its been over a year and a half since we broke up. 8 months since we really talked. Am I the only person? What can I do? Am I forced to calling my gf Babe from now on?
 
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maybe your new girlfriend isnt making a big of an impact on you as your ex did?

it could just be because the names are close, happens to me sometimes with friends.
 
I agree with HPLH. There are certain people that come into our lives that really make an impact. You can sit there and say that you are over her and you very well may be, but there will always be a little piece of you that still has feelings for her not matter how hard you try not to. I know because I still love my ex and it has been 2 years since we broke up. It took almost a year and a half before we could sit and talk like adults and now we are really good friends.
 
My "significant others" b-day is november 4th and the last SO was born december 5th- I find I can get in a LOT of hot water making that mistake and we've been together 8 years and I am SUPER scatterbranied

you might just have to get used to taking the heat lol
 
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24274335

I was talking about this with someone else before. This article was pretty interesting. In short, our brains don't learn from our mistakes... we just learn to do the same mistake faster and better next time.

One of the ways to deal with it is to find out how to stop referencing them in your head by the A similarity. If you're not paying attention, your head might just pull what it comes to first correct combination path you've seem to have coined in your head.

Starts with A + Girl + Dating
is the same as the ex who is
Starts with A + Girl + Dating

A good memorization technique is to play with the word, not just try to memorize it. And if you can get it in your head to focus on another letter. Example Ashly, the smoker smokes. No matter how corny, if you just repeat something stupid like that out loud, you'll really get stuck remembering the distinct difference between someone like Ashly and Angie.

Or just point and say, "you" instead... :crap:
 
I gotta agree with Nate.....I've never called a girlfriend anything else than "hey you". Tell her you really don't care about the other girl anymore, and if she still...complains...give her a taste of her own medicine. Flip the situation on her and tell her she's causing you unnecessary stress and whatnot because you're constantly worried she's going to flip out on you for a simple mistake. Say something about feelings and whatnot....works every time!
 
As for her getting upset about it: you just gotta understand that even though she knows that there's nothing going on, it still may upset her to think about someone else in her capacity.It's just a simple reminder that she wasn't always that person in her life. It may be totally ridiculous, but it's just something you gotta either correct or get used to. You also have to realize that it could be slightly embarrassing to her, regardless of if it was intentional or not.

What can I do? Am I forced to calling my gf Babe from now on?

Honestly, that's not a bad idea. I have only ever called my wife by her first name once the entire time we've been together. The only reason I can specifically remember that one time is because it was really awkward and afterwords we both stopped and discussed whether or not it was the first time. Talk about a good laugh. Having a "pet name" will be more unique.

Furthermore, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to explain to her that while she may be insignificant now, your ex was a big part of your life for a while, and sometimes mistakes happen.

Say something about feelings and whatnot....works every time!

No, it doesn't. Maybe in TV-land...

xvart.
 
Always worked for me, and I've been with tons of women. As long as you're good at being convincing, you're home free. That approach always results in an argument, but you just have to know how to come out on top, so in the end, she's the one apologizing.
 
I think its time for a nice dinner and some flowers homey. even she will understand that mistakes will be made, but if a significant other of mine ever goofed on that even if it was a complete mistake I'd feel like a complete ***... I'd know it wasnt a real dilemma but it would suck still... show her she's more important and work on the calling her babe or cupcake or suga momma or hun or whatever your going to call her.

but a nice date can work wonders
good luck
 
  • #10
We call it memory. We remember past people and experiences and sometimes we mix up. It happens. I still can occasionally mix up the months, family birthdates and whatnot. All my life my mother occasionally called me Dana (my fathers name) when she was not paying attention. Have you ever called a pencil a pen by accident? Oh no! [/sarcasm]

There is nothing wrong with you! It happens because sometimes we can get mixed up when not paying attention. If you listen closely you will hear your girlfriend make verbal mix ups too. Having it happen to you with regards to her name is no big deal... well it is... but it isnt any problem with you. You remember your ex girlfriend because you were with her a long time. You might even think of her sometimes offhand. So? You cant suddenly forget your past, and your girlfriend should not expect you to have to.
 
  • #11
Always worked for me, and I've been with tons of women. As long as you're good at being convincing, you're home free. That approach always results in an argument, but you just have to know how to come out on top, so in the end, she's the one apologizing.

Oh, believe you me, I know what you're saying. However, duping a bunch of women with some cliche lines isn't necessarily a good thing. In fact, what you describe is exactly like something I caught on a clip of the Real World last week or the week before when that guy is trying to trick his girlfriend into taking him back and goes into the bathroom to force himself to cry. "I'm not making myself cry; I'm just releasing some tears. It always works with the ladies." Now there's a good, solid relationship and he should definitely be proud. I consider my wife and I both to be very intelligent, and whenever we argue we always play that game, feeding lines, manipulating statements, the works, but more for fun since neither she nor I are shallow enough to miss it; however, whenever I really truly want to win I'll push it, and I'll win; but that doesn't make me a winner.

My point is, you don't need to feed lines to your girlfriend, nep_ak. Just be honest with her and talk to her about how big of a part of your life your ex was (which may explain why you sometimes say her name instead), but then explain exactly why it didn't work out; and how your current girlfriend and you have a much healthier relationship and how much more fulfilling it is.

xvart.
 
  • #12
Oh, believe you me, I know what you're saying. However, duping a bunch of women with some cliche lines isn't necessarily a good thing. In fact, what you describe is exactly like something I caught on a clip of the Real World last week or the week before when that guy is trying to trick his girlfriend into taking him back and goes into the bathroom to force himself to cry. "I'm not making myself cry; I'm just releasing some tears. It always works with the ladies." Now there's a good, solid relationship and he should definitely be proud. I consider my wife and I both to be very intelligent, and whenever we argue we always play that game, feeding lines, manipulating statements, the works, but more for fun since neither she nor I are shallow enough to miss it; however, whenever I really truly want to win I'll push it, and I'll win; but that doesn't make me a winner.

My point is, you don't need to feed lines to your girlfriend, nep_ak. Just be honest with her and talk to her about how big of a part of your life your ex was (which may explain why you sometimes say her name instead), but then explain exactly why it didn't work out; and how your current girlfriend and you have a much healthier relationship and how much more fulfilling it is.

xvart.

Yeah, sincere? Yeah, I can do sincere . . .

 
  • #13
To me she's being overly sensitive... but I'm a dude and stuff like this doesn't seem like a big deal to me but women in general are more emotional... at least on the surface. They over analyze more than men. One exception though. My mother has called me Kelly a few times...... that really angers me, but I hate my "brother". Hate is a strong word... I try not to hate anyone, but you get the point. I'm rambling again.

If I were in your situation, I'd just ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Like herpes. OMG just kidding but it popped into my head and I had to say it. If it doesn't eventually, then tell her it's a "medical condition" called Parapraxia and you feel terrible, but you couldn't help it. Don't mention that everyone experiences it at some time or another....
 
  • #15
Yeah some are too emotional. It was a mistake you say. But how would you feel if she was calling you one of her old boyfriends names? If you really like this one get everyone before out of your head. Do not even think of them when you are alone.
 
  • #16
I don't think that you mentioned how long you dated the one with the deleted nickname. Was a great length of time? How old were you?

Who knows why this stuff really happens? I'm no psychologist, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were so many potential factors that could contribute to this. Things that have happened in particularly influential years of my life burrow in deeper than, say, last month. Were the circumstances and the time surrounding the previous relationship particularly memorable for other reasons? Something could be triggering something on a level that you aren't even aware of.

Of course NONE of these factors matter to the gal but I can understand wanting to get to the bottom of why this happens for your own peace of mind.
 
  • #17
if you were with your ex for awhile its likly just an ingrained memory that is going to pop up on occation when your brain is on auto pilot.....my wife was married for 10 years before we got together and i know when ive really frustrated her cause i get called her ex's name....as far as me....i honestly think the part of the brain that deals with names for me is royally screwed cause i forget the names of ppl ive been around for years.....rarely call my wife by her first name unless i need to get her attention in a crowd....
 
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