theyellowdart
sea bear returns!
Recently, as some of you know, I've been working to complete my Air Force ROTC scholarship application. There is but one writing section on it that I think may be able to use some rewording or improvements in vocabulary, as I'm not the best writer. I would highly appreciate it if anyone on here (who is a decent writer) could take a look at these two 'personal statements' and tell me what they think and/or how they could use improvements.
I only have six lines to hand write the both of these, so they're very short - (which is why I'd like them to be as good as possible). Yes, I'm aware they are somewhat cheesy, but that's kind of how they have to be.
Question 1:
"Why do you want to be an Air Force officer?"
-I would like to become an Air Force officer to serve our country and to fly the world's best aircraft. I have had a strong interest in aviation since a young age, so joining the Air Force to serve The United States while exercising that interest is an ideal path for me to take.
Question 2:
"What can you offer The United States Air Force?"
-I can offer the United States Air Force a variety of attributes. Most importantly, I can offer dedication and a strong desire to meet goals. I offer a well rounded personality with leadership skills and the ability to work effectively in a variety of different areas.
I'm not crazy about the last one and how much I use the word offer, but I can't really find anything to replace it with.
Keep in mind that these can't be any longer than they already are.
Thanks in advance for any help!
Matt
I only have six lines to hand write the both of these, so they're very short - (which is why I'd like them to be as good as possible). Yes, I'm aware they are somewhat cheesy, but that's kind of how they have to be.
Question 1:
"Why do you want to be an Air Force officer?"
-I would like to become an Air Force officer to serve our country and to fly the world's best aircraft. I have had a strong interest in aviation since a young age, so joining the Air Force to serve The United States while exercising that interest is an ideal path for me to take.
Question 2:
"What can you offer The United States Air Force?"
-I can offer the United States Air Force a variety of attributes. Most importantly, I can offer dedication and a strong desire to meet goals. I offer a well rounded personality with leadership skills and the ability to work effectively in a variety of different areas.
I'm not crazy about the last one and how much I use the word offer, but I can't really find anything to replace it with.
Keep in mind that these can't be any longer than they already are.
Thanks in advance for any help!
Matt