Lavender,
I used to agree with you, but my personal experience changed my mind..here is my story.
I had this one specific girlfriend ELEVEN years ago! it was 1992, we were both just out of college, we dated for one year then broke up.
during the one year that we were boyfriend & girlfriend we didnt even live in the same city!
I later moved to the same city she lived in, we stayed friends, she got married! we were still friends..totally 100% platonic, no chance of romance ever again etc etc..
So I start dating this new young lady, she knows I have a few female friends, not a problem..however when she finds out I am "still friends" with the girl I dated over 10 years ago, she doesent like it! "But why?!" I exclaim..it was 10 years ago! we only dated a year! she is married now! im friends with her AND her husband! whats the problem??"
I fought it for a year..I fought my NEW girlfriend for a year! telling her she was WRONG to be upset! it got worse and worse..all along I was holding on to the "I am allowed to have female friends" routine, being all indignant and superior.."If you cant handle me having a platonic female friend who I happened to date 10 years ago, you are the one with the problem, you are being unreasonable, you are being irrational, etc etc."
hmmm..and I was SURPRISED when my new girlfriend kept getting more and more upset about it!
why cant she see the logic here?!
in her eyes, I was choosing the old friend over her..
and the fact that the old friend was Female and a former lover, even if it was 10 years ago,REALLY didnt help the situation! I was fighting so hard to preserve "I have the right to have friends! you cant tell me what to do!" etc..that I was driving a serious wedge into our relationship..
eventually, I had to choose..the old platonic friend, or the new girlfriend...I picked my wonderfull new girlfriend!
She was right...she was irrational and unreasonable and illogical, but she was STILL right! if you have a friendship that bothers your significant other, then its wrong..period.
if you fight it, saying "you are being SO unreasonable! we are JUST FRIENDS!" you will lose.
you will end up with just your friend..
it took me lnearly 2 years of fighting my girlfriend to supposidly preserve "my rights", when all along I was losing..
do you want to "RIGHT" and alone??
or do you want to let your arguement go and make your girlfriend happy?? who is more important?? the old friend or the new person?
for me, it eventually became clear..I let a friend go, she was cool with it, and my new girlfriend got the satisfaction of "winning" the contest! (thats a REALLY big deal for Women! guys! pay attention!!
make your girlfriend the the MOST imporatant Woman in your life!! if she doesent like you hanging around with the old babe, even if its just irrational jealousy, and you KNOW you are just friends, let the old babe GO anyway! you cant fight it!! you WILL lose!
Guys are generally cooler about this kind of thing, but still, no guy likes his girlfriend being "just friends" with an old boyfriend either! especially if the past relationship was "intimate"..
So..I stand by my hard-earned advice..let the old relationships go..Completely! its for the best..
Here is my girlfriend of 2 years out in the Sarracenia Bog!
it was worth letting the old friend go.
it was the right thing to do..
Scot