User Tag List

Informational! Informational!:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 16

Thread: Post a Funny Story Thread

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    72
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Arrow

    Well here is my first funny story...

    There was a man who liked firecrakers a lot and liked them big and bad. Well he was helping an farmer and saw something that looked like a large firecraker and asked the farmer if he could have it. The farmer said, "yes" and the man leaves home with visions of fireworks dancing in his head. At home he places the 'firecraker' in the middle of his front yard and lights it and runs. However, he dosen't get away before the concussion hits and rolles him 10 feet. The "firecraker" left behind a crater large enough to hold a small bush. Turns out the "firecraker" was in fact a 1/4 stick of dynamite!

    I belive this is a true story.

  2. #2
    noah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Senegal
    Posts
    538
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    The following is an accident report which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

    Dear Sir:

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the bricks.

    You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.

    Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

    Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

    As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

    I am sorry to report however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope. I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down to me. This explains the two broken legs.

    This explains why I cited "poor planning" as the cause of the accident.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    central upstate New York
    Posts
    439
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Arrow

    That's not funny!
    (Then why are you laughing so hard? [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img] )
    Restore our biosphere, create a new culture of kindness.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    72
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Probably the most frequently told story about Coolidge is the one where an important hostess told him why he had to talk to her: "You must talk to me Mr. Coolidge. I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you." Coolidge told her: "You lose."

    This a story of the ever funny Calvin Coolidge the 30th President of the USA [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/unclesam.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    fatboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Darwin, Australia
    Posts
    571
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I hope the following link opens up a whole new world for some of you, it's one of my favourites...

    Darwin Awards

    Cheers, Troy.

  6. #6
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Greenswamp, NC
    Posts
    13,747
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    The bricklayer's story is also a song by Ray Stevens.


    Here it is

  7. #7
    Moderator Schmoderator Fluorescent fluorite, England PlantAKiss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Richmond, Virginia/Zone 7
    Posts
    10,335
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    A long-time friend of my parents was babysitting her grandson one day. As with many grandmothers, age has added a few extra pounds and given her a rather ample...err...busom. This particular day when she was babysitting, she was wearing a dress with a scooped neckline which revealed a line of cleavage. She was holding her grandson and he looked down at her cleavage...studied it in a thoughtful way for a minute...then looked at her quite seriously and said..."I have one of those...but... [pointing to his rear end]... mine's back here." lol! [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif[/img]

    Ain't kids grand? They have such refreshing, innocent views on life. [img]http://www.**********.com/iB_html312/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]
    "Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs." - Jerome K. Jerome

  8. #8
    SirKristoff is a poopiehead Ozzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Greenswamp, NC
    Posts
    13,747
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    When I was going to school for electricity, My instructor came in one morning and told us that a garbage truck ran into his house. He told us that it ran right into his living room. His granddaughter was in the room when it happened. I think he said she was about 3 yrs old. He said that he had a pool table in there she was under it. As the truck came in it stopped when it hit the pool table. She appeared to be ok. When the firemen got there they asked her if she hurt anywhere. She said yes her stomach was hurting. So they called the paramedics. They rushed in and started examining her. They asked where she hurt and she said her stomach. They asked if she was hit in the stomach when the truck crashed in. She said no it hurt because she ate too much.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •