Dino,
expand the focus, think about the stuff you like, what makes you
you
That's all that really matters, bro, it really is...
You've started into successful windowsill growing, right
I went through some serious dark times( I've lived on my own, some of that time on the street, since I was 16, I had to eat donuts that were thrown out at a local restaurant for a few months, there's much worse but it wouldn't be forum friendly), and I once thought as you do, it took a lot to get through it, but if I had to go through it again I would, and I'd hope I had the courage to do it over......
PLEASE try to talk to someone; it really hurts me to know that our world has so many bad things in it, but you must'nt let the bad things force you to turn your back on the good things, I know from reading your posts around here that you do, indeed have good things in your life, focus on them and the rest will come, I won't lie and try to say it's easy, exactly, but it's possible....
You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders, something that many people would wish for(alas, you either have it or you don't)
All of the things you feel are lacking are things that you both can and will have, and you already have a few things (strong interest in nature, intelligence, humour, your friends here) that not many folks do....
Please, please talk to someone.... I don't take any sort of counselling lightly or well, but even I have benefitted from words spoken by someone who knows and cares
Keep us posted, Dino, the Force will be with you