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Parents just dont understand

Parents always hit you with the line "your too young" or "your not mature enough yet". Just because me and my parents don't agree with something its because "im too young". Just because i don't agree with you? If i'm not mistaken adults can have disagreements with each other. But since i'm a child and we don't agree with each other its because i'm too young. Automatically. I just wish they would stop and think sometimes because another thing is that they think they are never wrong. It's not necessarily they are right, but not necessarily that i'm right. Just something i thought about and posted. To the parents here on TF - did this happen to you when you were a kid? Do you reconcile with your parents way of thinking or still think that they were out of line?
 
My mom gives me that line every time I ask for her to take me job hunting because I don't want to sit around the house all day which she also yells at me for. x_x
 
Any good parent tries to say "no" as little as necessary - and then try to provide an alternative. We all probably thought our parents were nuts in some of their ideas and ways of handling things. Then you look back and realize that they DID have wisdom in a lot of cases - though not all. There are often, though not always more than one solution to a problem. Sometimes there is a no-win situation. Often times what works for one kid - fails miserably with another. Also, there are some kids that make parents look like geniuses, just because they are naturally obedient, bright, neat, etc... Other kids make decent parents look like total idiots. Parents don't always agree but need to discuss things together, in private, inorderto come up with a cohesive plan. Kids also learn how to divide and conquer / play one parent off the other / deal with the "easy" parent. It is important for parents / adults / anybody to humble themselves before others when they are wrong. Protecting one's pride is desructive to interpersonal relationships. You can't reason with a person who is "never wrong". BTW, we all grow up aying we will do things differently than our parents - and some cases we do improve upon things. Sometimes we scare ourselves and realize that we have BECOME our parents. It is especially ennerving when our kid picks up on our flaws and verbalizes them. AARRGGH!
 
im old and i hav 2jobs, im 18 and i own my own bisness, parents also nag at me, i help pay bills, ive learn independence, and im grown up, im always out of the houz, u kids need to relax and think about the positive side of ur parents and smile, or ull jus sit bak and think negative and Hate them, then run away etc. jus compromise with them and dont try to argue, best way is to HEAR wat THEIR SAYING then respond, i got yelled at for "talking bak" at my dad for ANSWERING his question, kinda retarded, i got mad at him, but i never hold grudges or anything that long, i jus take long breathes and calm down, then after a while i look bak at the arguement and analyze it, who was wrong&right, then everything flows from that.

try to vent urself on a pillow or somthing, it helps
 
You're not understanding azn. I'm not mad and i don't hate my parents. I'm comparing how parents and their children think differently.
 
well i think parents are right sometimes, and wrong other times, it just makes me mad when they use the line youre too young
 
@ Jim:
So your too young is synonimous with no? Parents need to be clear. How do you expect us to understand? Saying one thing and meaning another isn't good and it'll help to confuse, communication is key when you want anything to work, as therapy like as it sounds.
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[b said:
Quote[/b] (Amateur_Expert @ Oct. 30 2004,4:49)]@ Jim:
So your too young is synonimous with no? Parents need to be clear. How do you expect us to understand? Saying one thing and meaning another isn't good and it'll help to confuse, communication is key when you want anything to work, as therapy like as it sounds.
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Not quite. It means "No, you're too young!" lol!

Actually, that's what it often means. But not in the sence of "You won't be able to handle it". More in the line of "don't rush growing up. You only get to be a kid once. Enjoy it while you can." Once you are "grown up" you can't go back to being a kid. Well, you can somewhat, but people just think your crazy
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. Take the "I have a job" thing. Have you ever stopped to think about how much of your life will be spent working? Sure we all wanted to be independent of our parents. But that comes at the cost of being dependent on a job to enable us to be independent individuals. With a job comes taxes, food bills, car payments, house payments, etc. When you get down to it, indepence is more a state of mind than a state of being.
 
I've got four kids, ages 20, 18, 15, & 10. They each have their strong points and their flaws. How much I can attribute to parental skill or their inborn character or life's experiences - is difficult to assess. Sometimes our family looks like the Brady Bunch and sometimes like the Conners (Roseanne). Sometimes we make the mistake of expecting too much from them and other times, perhaps, we didn't challenge them enough.And each child responds to the stimuli differently. One thing I find amusing is that my oldest son doesn't need prodding to take a shower - or two or three - in a given day. Never an issue. The younger son turns that into a major issue. Why? I don't know. We certainly aren't perfect parents - but we keep plugging away.

Sometimes my oldest kids think they are adults and want adult privileges but then turn around and behave immaturely. They want things both ways. I see their growth and development as a continual process. Sometimes they truly aren't ready for something that they will be ready for in a couple of years. Usually, people grow into the role they are expected to attain, after much learning curve. Sometimes they have been set up for failure. It isn't always apparent as to what the future holds and know how they will respond. Sometimes they just aren't ready to handle some things - now. I DO agree with Steve in that some kids seem to try to grow up too fast and do things that are ultimately regrettable. Some have their childhood taken away from them. What a shame!

Enjoy the simplicity of youth while you can, because adulthood isn't easy, either.
 
  • #10
I'm 13 an I can't leave my neighborhood
 
  • #12
But what is your neighborhood?  If you're in a sprawling suburbia of 1 acre lots and busy main roads and can't reach stores or parks or friends, you have my sympathy.  My parents didn't move to one of those until my senior year of high school and it sucked.  I had a drivers license by then and could sometimes get in a car and escape, so didn't have it as bad.  Now I'm 43 and we have an 11 year old daughter.  We're in a neighborhood of 50 x 100 ft lots with all those stores and parks and friends all within a kid's walking distance.  If my daughter says she and a friend are going for an ice cream, I say OK.  If we lived somewhere else, I'd have to say, "you're too young."
 
  • #13
Parents aren't perfect and can be wrong, but remember that they almost always know more than you when it comes to life. So don't be too quick to discount their saying "you're too young", as its possible they're right.
 
  • #14
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Fygee @ Oct. 31 2004,3:40)]Parents aren't perfect and can be wrong, but remember that they almost always know more than you when it comes to life. So don't be too quick to discount their saying "you're too young", as its possible they're right.
Well said and succinct!

I am reminded of being 17 and a senior in high school. I very distinctly remember feeling as though I had the answers to all of life's questions. Um, it turned out that I was just a wee bit deficient. *rolls eyes at the understatement* I see my 18 tear old son and his formulated views on a variety of subjects - 95% of which are identical to mine and my wife. It's kind of amusing how much our parents can shape our views. I'd say the remaining 5% is probably reflecting our mistakes and his version of adolescent rebellion.

I am also blessed by the apparent knowledge that neither he nor his older sister gave us the fears and worries that a good many of parents face. Whether it's the 2-parent home in of itself or their inborn character or our example or in spite of ourselves, or... there are some headaches we don't have to face.
 
  • #15
One of the hardest things for adults to do is to learn from children. To presume that being an adult means being emotionally mature is incorrect. I know many children who show a greater grasp of "life" than those much older.

We think that children are generally inexperienced, but forget their experiences while not as numerous of as often repeated as they will be over a longer lifespan are every bit as valid as adult experiences. Children love with the same intensity as adults, but for them it is "puppy love" and hence not valid.

On the other hand, adults have to watch children learn the hard way, more often than not. It is difficult to watch someone place their hand on the anvil, raise the hammer and prepare to strike and not say anything. The kid says "maybe for me, this time it will be different and it won't hurt!"

A hard lesson for adults is to realize that although it has never been done, it doesn't follow that it can never be done.

One thing that is needed is for age to have the respect that multiple handbashings deserves. Adults can be wrong, children can be right, but youth must defer to age if wisdom is the desired goal, even if adult opinion seems arbitrary. It might seem so on the immediate surface, but it amazing what perspectives age can bring.

I always liked the quote "If youth only knew, and age only could!" The true advances come when we learn to embrace a working partnership with our younger versions of ourselves, and understand that both adult and childhood experiences and insights are a part of a whole piece of human experience, and that the door swings both ways in that. Children need to respect adults and adults need to be open minded regarding their further education by those younger than they are.

One thing I like about the forums is that you really don't know unless told who is old and who is young, other than by examples of immature or mature behavior. It's a place where youth can demonstrate their maturity and act as adults if they care to without anyone pooh pooing the effort based on physical form. Unfortunately, is is also a place where adults can descend into schoolyard behavior, as has been amply demonstrated on several Forums and Listserves while pretending to be adults.

Another certain fact is when we can no longer learn, we might as well be in a box. Adults that shut down on youth have amputated a huge potential from their lives, for youth can see with clear new eyes some truths that adults have become blind to, if ever they saw them to begin with.

As for me, I judge a book by the story it tells, and not by its cover or by other reader's opinions of the tale. I am happy to say that at 53 years of age I have friends of all ages, and I respect all of them that are of good will. If there is more to it than this, 53 years hasn't shown it to me.
 
  • #18
William's by far the most articulate person i've ever met, thanks for that tam!
 
  • #19
[b said:
Quote[/b] (jimscott @ Oct. 30 2004,7:50)]Enjoy the simplicity of youth while you can, because adulthood isn't easy, either.
I am not enjoying it at all witha ll the bullying in school and such. And having no freinds.

So I cant wait untill I grow up.  
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Yeah, I hate it when adults ALWAYS thinkt hey are right.
When I tell my dad that hes wrong in soemthing, he INSTANTLY makes the remark:
"Im the adult, youre the kid. You cant know better then me."
And he thinks that the wind goes at exact same speeds high up in the sky as it does on the ground.  
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  • #20
I think that assuming you know better than someone else is not limmited to the parrent-child relationship, either. Remember how it feels, kids, to have your oppinions and feelings disregared as invalid. Make sure you do not visit the same judgement on others for what ever reason.

As a new parent myself, I am of the philosophy that my job is to help my child grow up to a confident, happy, responsible adult. The tough part is that I know people have difficulty learning by being told, and must, as stated in a few other posts, learn from experience.

I can only protect my child from that which she wishes to avoid. Other than that, I have to hope that my council has provided her with the ability to make good decisions.
 
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