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Tanya(flytrapgurl) has a message for you all

  • Thread starter Starman
  • Start date
  • #41
she made an unjust, stupid rule without any reason (I asked her why and the only thing she could say was something about dicipline) I didn't do anything bad nor anything that would justify her punishing me, and I have good reasons why I don't go earlier. (which I told her... and at first she didn't listen but later she did)
 
  • #42
I don't want to be offensive and I am the parent I am so...........Hope it don't bite ya in butt later.

Joe
 
  • #44
Even IF it was stupid and unfair, so is life at times and it's better to be accustomed to it than not. It's really hard when you have to listen to stupid people and do as they tell you even when it is stupid and useless, if you never had to before. Trust me on this.

Joe
 
  • #45
I don't bend down to anything unless it's either not worth it or impossible to change. This was neither, as me being able to be here until 11PM proves.
 
  • #46
Sounds to me like there is no trust in your house hold. My parents made me do a lot of things when I was a kid that I didn't like, and I failed to do many of them behind their back. When I asked why, I got the "because I said so" answer more often than not. At one point, I questioned my father and he told me "I have your best interests at heart, I do things to make you a better person, I would never intentionally hurt you, so just trust that there is a lesson in it somewhere and do what I say." best friggin answer I ever got, and you know what? I never asked again, I did what my dad said, from only getting AN HOUR of TV a week to him sitting me down and making me build an 8086 computer with him, learning how to replace an alternator, going to bed when I am told... don't regreat a bit of it.

See, the way I see it, is maybe the 10PM bed time wasn't about you at all, maybe your mom and dad wanted a little time to themselves, time they didn't want to have to explain to you. Perhaps THEY needed you to go to bed and cut them some slack and you didn't, and rather than push it, they let it go. Your parents are the example for authority in your life, and someday, your going to get into the world and be wholly unprepared. You don't get to ask your boss "Why do I have to do a TPS report" all the time, you ask your seargent why you have to take a hill, he'll pop you upside the head. Doign things you don't want to do or because you think they are stupid, builds discipline. But I don't expect you to understand it, and we really are only getting one side of the story so I guess it's pointless to try and make a point.

I hope FlytrapGurl takes advantage of this time to raise her grades and gets back on soon.

As to those questions: The priniciple of my school that was in charge of my class was a drunkard and did many unethical things. She was found out about two years after I graduated and fired. there was talk of ciminal and civil action being taken against her, but I don't know if anything ever came of that. So that is why my parents (or me for that matter) didn't know.

Also, I would say No, I don't have Adult ADD, but I think My wife, several of my friends, and Phil and a few other mods would say yes I do.
 
  • #47
Alpha,
Again I'm not trying to be a butthole BUT.........
You WILL bend down to whatever you're told when you are on your own or you will fail, unless you start a business of your own and it succeeds from day 1. Thats just life man, I understand what you're saying but later on at about 18-20 yrs old it'll click. F***, I gotta do all this stuff and it don't matter what I like or feel. Nobody cares if it's unfair.

As far as the respect issue goes: I am curious; You seem very scientifically oriented. Would you agree that respect is a cultural lesson or an instinct or law of somekind or what?
Scientifically speaking respect isn't earned until you prove that you can hold your own here on earth, which inevitably is in adulthood. Humans are the things that change this "rule". What do you think?

Joe
 
  • #48
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]When I asked why, I got the "because I said so" answer more often than not. At one point, I questioned my father and he told me "I have your best interests at heart, I do things to make you a better person, I would never intentionally hurt you, so just trust that there is a lesson in it somewhere and do what I say."  
no, there is plenty of trust. trust that I will not get stupid answers from my mom, and trust that I will do what they tell me when it is justified. There is also trust that I will not question them if they have a good motive.
my parents are human too, and they realize it. Just because they THINK they're doing something that's good for me doesn't mean that they are, and they trust me to take part in the decision making.
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]See, the way I see it, is maybe the 10PM bed time wasn't about you at all, maybe your mom and dad wanted a little time to themselves, time they didn't want to have to explain to you
(BEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!) please... NEVER do that again. remember you're talking to a teen here!

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]Perhaps THEY needed you to go to bed and cut them some slack and you didn't, and rather than push it, they let it go
if they don't allow me to question them then I have no respect for them.
[b said:
Quote[/b] ] You don't get to ask your boss "Why do I have to do a TPS report" all the time, you ask your seargent why you have to take a hill, he'll pop you upside the head
your boss and your parents are two TOTALLY different things. You can't compare the two. I know there is a difference and I react to it accordingly.
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]As far as the respect issue goes: I am curious; You seem very scientifically oriented. Would you agree that respect is a cultural lesson or an instinct or law of somekind or what?
I think it's a kind of instinct. Respect in the sense of lack of disrespect-social animals need respect in order to be social.
respect in the deeper meaning- I think it's just a kind of blend of trust and liking someone. you also have to have it in social animals to keep the group together.
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]You WILL bend down to whatever you're told when you are on your own or you will fail, unless you start a business of your own and it succeeds from day 1. Thats just life man, I understand what you're saying but later on at about 18-20 yrs old it'll click. F***, I gotta do all this stuff and it don't matter what I like or feel. Nobody cares if it's unfair.
I don't know why you think I'm so static/stupid but I'm not. I know sometimes you have to do things without asking (like in school) but I trust my parents enough that I know they will answer me truthfully, and that they'll admit when they are wrong.
 
  • #49
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]There is also trust that I will not question them if they have a good motive.

thats the problem, a good motive in YOUR point of veiw, whilst the possibility you may be mistaken ...


hell everounes miistaken sometimes, and i hate to be but i am [too], so
smile_n_32.gif
 
  • #50
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]thats the problem, a good motive in YOUR point of veiw, whilst the possibility you may be mistaken ...
that's where the
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]my parents are human too, and they realize it. Just because they THINK they're doing something that's good for me doesn't mean that they are, and they trust me to take part in the decision making.
part comes in.
 
  • #51
Here's an example of how I negotiate with my daughter:

Me, "You have to turn off the TV at 9"
Her, "10"
Me, "8:30"
Her, "9:30"
Me, "8:00"
Her, "9:00"
Me, "OK"
 
  • #52
ok, why don't we leave it at this:
"different things work for different people differently"
happy? what works for me might not work for you. I don't agree on treating kids that way, but whatever.
 
  • #53
[b said:
Quote[/b] (superimposedhope @ Mar. 27 2005,10:22)]Thats not admitting they're wrong, thats backing down from a child. How can a parent even begin to raise or teach a child who they ALLOW tocommand from them? I mean no affense to you Alpha but you and your parents are both wrong. Children have no position to command anything of their parents and parents have a duty to command discipline and respect from their children. You aren't just born with the right to do and say as you please, its a right that you earn more and more of over the years through respect and learning. Dude, if you were my kid, pullin a stunt like that would land you absolutely no TV, phone, internet, games, NOTHIN........and if you didn't like that then you shouldn't have attempted to tell me where or what my position as a parent should be.

Bruce, you ain't lying buddy. That would've been cause for a swat at least. Not to mention what would have been taken away.

Joe
Since you told Alpha and his parents that they are wrong, all I can say is......  Nope, no parents are ever wrong, they're all perfect, above reproach and without their own emotional baggage. Since when are A's and B's not good enough?  If that's the best you can do, IT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO.  No amount of taking away priviledges is going to make your children be able to do better than their best.

How about the idea of parents giving their children a bit of respect (without having to EARN it)at birth?

How in the hell does anyone, even parents, know what another person's best is? Only you know what your best is.

Last time I looked, a C=Average.  There's something wrong with being average?  Not everyone is Einstein or a Hawking.  That's just the way it is.  

What *you* WILL do is garner the resentment of your children. What *you* WILL do is stress them out totally as they try to live up to some unrealistically, artificially high standards.  

Sometimes it's earned resentment. Sometimes parents ARE wrong.  They are human.  Humans can be incorrect.

For instance...my father was dead set against my learning to play drums. "girls don't play drums, they play the violin" What a bunch of crap. HE WAS WRONG.  

I later switched to bass and guitar, both of which I still play.  He was wrong.  April
 
  • #54
C's arnt good enough to get ahead in todays world, expecialy for trying to get into competetivve carrers
 
  • #55
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]How about the idea of parents giving their children a bit of respect (without having to EARN it)at birth?
that's right.
also... parents need to earn the respect of their kids too. by being unrational and demanding slaves that will blindly do as you tell them is not going to earn you their respect.... at least not MY respect.
 
  • #56
Who the heck is a child to decide whether a parent is justified?

It's obvious I am arguing with people who don't have children.

April,
1) My daughter respects me because I demand it. I am her father, I feed her, I clothe her, I read to her and I love her, I provide a place to sleep, and stay warm. For this I have EARNED her respect.
2) My daughter tells me all the time that I am the best daddy in the world. What the heck does she have to resent me for?
I never said As and Bs weren't good enough.
I also think its obvious that you haven't any children of your own and from the arguement you make it sounds like you are not an adult yet either. This leaves you in a position to not be telling a parent how or what to do just the same as Alpha.
The thing is YES parents are wrong sometimes but NO it is not the childs position to tell them that they are wrong.

If you don't get it, I can't tell you. Sorry! Hopefully life still works out for ya anyway. That "I don't have to do stupid things" additude is gonna hurt ya later.

Joe
 
  • #57
Well said Joe.

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]If that's the best you can do, IT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO. No amount of taking away priviledges is going to make your children be able to do better than their best

Those of that have been there, say differently, my parents pushed, I got better. Same with practically every person I know.

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]How about the idea of parents giving their children a bit of respect (without having to EARN it)at birth?

What, respect is earned on credit now? I give every person I know a certain level of respect, but there is another level of respect that belongs to those that are above you in the hierarchy of society. It seems each generation coming up thinks they are supposed to be endowed with certain privelages. It's a 'me me me' attitude if you ask me. What's wrong with earning respect? nothing, and it's a good life lesson to, because your not going to just get respect on credit when you get out into the world.
 
  • #58
I really don't agree with her grandparents I do agree with Tanya, because I myself am very stubborn. I'm at the age right now where I'm smart enough to know what's right for myself, so I guess she's at that age too, it's different for some people. A's and B's are PERFECTLY fine, her grandparents are quite insane if you ask me. Though stopping all work completely is sort of...overboard and lowering your grades won't do much to help either, I'd just ignore them and keep going at my own pace and wait for it all to blow over because I know that if I start pushing myself and obsessing over it too much, I'm going to go completely insane. I'd say if Tanya wasn't stubborn (which can be a very nice quality if in the right...ummm mind?) then she'd probably try too hard and end up not bringin her grades up then having a whole huge nervous breakdown and worry about what her grandparents will steal from her next. I think she's making a good decision, her grandparents need some parenting classes.
 
  • #59
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Starman @ Mar. 25 2005,5:15)]This isnt high enough for her grandparants, so they have only allowed her to watch the TV 3 hours a day and thye have banned her from the computer for a week
I certainly hope you mean 3 hours a week, not 3 a day.

Not knowing Tanya's situation I can't say whether the grandparents are pushing her beyond her limits and risking burnout, or whether she's fully capable of straight As with little effort.

If I find I need to structure my kids' time, I'm not going to tell them they can't watch TV, or can't play on the computer; I'll just give them an allowance of personal time. It'll be up to them, within reason, what they spend it doing. The better they do at fulfilling family and academic obligations, the greater will be their personal time allowance.
 
  • #60
I NEVER said that A's and B's aren't good enough! I feel that A's and B's are good grades just short of excellent. I did say that she is going about the wrong way. You don't just teach parents a lesson. THEN......
Alpha jumped in with the talk about parents needing to justify their decisions. Thats what I was saying is totally wrong. It is my opinion that what he said is disrespectful and I as a parent would not tolerate it. I further am bothered by the fact that he so blatantly disrespects his parents in public making them look weak. Just my opinion though.

Joe
 
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