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Think about what you write before you post

RamPuppy

Moderator
Moderator
I first have to put a caveat on this statement. I am not saying this as a Mod, or in any official capacity, but as a member. I know it's a Feature Novel in length, but I REALLY want you to read it.

There have been more than a few threads here lately which I have not been able to moderate because, quite frankly, some of the commentary in them makes me more than a little angry, and I know that clouds my ability to be impartial in my moderation duties. Conversely, as a mod, I can't jump in and counter a point of view because whether I like it or not, the mere status of being a mod throws weight around like a bull in a china shop.

I am not trying to call anyone out, or start any arguments. I think it is safe to say most of us consider each other friends, and that if we knew we had hurt or offended someone, we would be mortified. I know I would. (So let me apologize if I have done it! It is not my intention.)

So I ask you to remember this. The written word, unless crafted with extreme elegance that we do not usually take the time to do, comes off as sterile and emotionless. Smileys go a short ways to change that, but all to often it can be seen as an intentional method of softening a harsh statement. More often than not, the person READING your post will infer their own emotional slant on YOUR text, and may get it totally wrong.

This isn't that important when your discussing dormancy, how to make a nep cutting, and so on, but in General Discussion, where religion, politics, science, morals, and any number of issues that effect us at our foundations, remember that your not always talking to people who share the same beliefs as you.

Here are some examples:

If you do not share a belief, yet you malign that belief you MUST remember your words WILL be read by someone who believes what your coming off against. Make the connection that there are people on the other side of your monitor, those people are probably your friends, and you may be saying something that will alter that friendship forever.

Let me be frank, there are a few people here that I 'debate and argue' with on a daily basis, that I think are great people, I like them, and enjoy our discussions. There are other people, who I simply don't like anymore. You are perfectly entitled to your beliefs, I am entitled to mine. I respect yours, you respect mine. But neither of us has the right to insult either set of beliefs.

I think what I have just written, is a prime example of why mods start chewing their fingernails and staying up late when topics like Creation Vs. Evolution, Discuss Our Beliefs, and other topics that get into very 'heady' discussions.

There are a couple people here who spout tolerance for one point of view, and feel censorship of another is just dandy for another. I doubt these people even know they have written or perhaps even believe these things, but it is there.

I don't think anyone here is a bad person, but the potential to insult in a topic where people on all sides will have sensitive touch points is a powder keg.

I don't think anyone here insults another person on purpose. We are a diverse global community, filled with persons of every stripe, highly religious, atheistic, ultra-scientific, Deists, naturalists, Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Ultra left wing liberals, ultra right wing conservatives, communists, anarchists, hetero sexual, bi-sexual, homo-sexual, African, African American, South African, Native American, Those that are just 'American', Canadian, Texans (
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) (Insert other 50 states), Brits, French, Chinese, Australian, Jewish, Hispanic, Caucasian, need I go on? I can.... I can get more specific, Wanna break down all the different forms of Christianity? How about Islam? Evolutionists? Creationists (multiple forms of both of these) get my point?

Now, to finish up, (those that are still with me.) I am not talking about avoiding conversation that stimulates the mind, encourages us to learn about diverse beliefs, cultures, customs and so on, I want this to happen, every time I visit this board, I learn something new. If I didn't, I would probably stop coming. I will also recognize that there are people out there with really THIN skin. Those people just need to toughen up, (and I guarantee you I am not one of them.)

I don't want people spamming this thread with apologies, that is not the purpose. I don't mind discussion on my thoughts here, and please understand, they were written as a friend and member of this community, not one of it's mods. And I will NOT point out the incidents that prompted this post publicly or privately to ANYONE, not even the people that made them. I don't even want you to go looking for it. The idea is not to do a witch hunt, but to go forward from this point with perhaps a little more tolerance and enlightenment that this is a big world, and there is room enough for every belief in it.
 
Thanks Ram.
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I know I've said it a million times but "I" words go a long ways to keeping things calm..."I think...", "I feel...", "I believe...", "in my opinion", "in my experience". As opposed to "you" words like "you're wrong," "you're stupid," etc. which come across as offensive and attacking.

We like the discussions but always remember that its best to put out your beliefs and **allow people take from it what they will**...voluntarily. I think a lot of the "debates" are interesting and you can learn a lot. IF its not lost in arguing and name-calling.

Carry on!
 
AMEN!
(Ram, you just got and AMEN from an atheist!
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)

Very well put, and absolutely spot on.
Just think how often we SAY something meaning one thing, then get that horrible hot burning sensation in our stomacs when the person we're talking to mis-understands it....And we were right there, doing our little facial expressions and hand talking.

Now immage how easy that is when all they get is you words in their head, with no inflections, how hand language....

Yikes.
 
Thanks Guys... I appreciate it. THis is like the fourth draft of this, the first three were not so nice.
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lol
 
Very nicely put, Mr. Rampuppy.

Cheers,

Joe
 
Very Good. Yes some of our discussion do get quite a bit heated and things get mis-enterpreted
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Joe,  Makin me feel old with that "Mr." lol.
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 (jk)

I allready feel old!
 
  • #10
and very nicely written Ram.
 
  • #11
yes... i am guilty of several of those. In fact i am woefullt familiar with thata nd the feeling of guilt over it. See, i have a problem that i have been queit about. I have a mild social Autism, and i know all too well the consequences of what you have spoken of. If any of you think (im not suggesting anyone does) i am tactless here, you should meet me in life (no, you shouldnt). The inability to tell tones of voice, facial expressions and underling intent of normal human conversations, including knowing of regular curtesies and such. Really, i am getting better, but its been a struggle. i usually get burned when i engage in social contact and as a result leand a reeletevly soitary existance with the exeption of this forum. I dont know how my words have interpereted here, but if ... i 'ave insulted anyone it is truly not my intent. The people here in general are very freindly and outgoing, and it is a true joy to talk to you all. I just wanna thank you all, so...

Thanks
 
  • #12
Finch, do you have Aspergers Syndrome, specifically? I have an 11 year old son who has been diagnosed as such. Yes, reading social cues and expressing himself in tactful ways is a struggle for him. We gotta talk, dude!
 
  • #13
[b said:
Quote[/b] (RamPuppy @ April 04 2005,7:07)]Let me be frank, there are a few people here that I 'debate and argue' with on a daily basis, that I think are great people, I like them, and enjoy our discussions.
I am sorry Rampuppy but are they really your friends if you argue daily on a basis? LOL  
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I could not resist...I know what you mean, just sounds funny.
 
  • #14
I understand what your saying Travis, and I think we can all agree that with few exceptions, what we call a friend on 'the net' is different than what we call a friend in every day life. Though a few people here do fall into that category for me.

You know, one of my most rewarding dating experiences in life (no, not that way those of you with naughty minds!)
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was pretty much this. I am a republican right wing Fiscal Conservative, a moderate when it comes to social issues, and what I call a 'conservative conservationist' (For instance I would love to see all reefs and bogs protected more heavily, but I accept that there is a point when development must happen in some areas (such as anwar))

The girl I was dating, I met in my spanish class at college, She was an Ultra Left Wing Liberal Democrat, her grandmother sat on several pro-hispanic boards in my area and she (and her granny) were very active in the local democratic party. She was also an 'ultra-conservationist' and pretty much held all the opposite political views that I did, in addition to being an exotic dancer.

She and I had a 'chemistry' and we both loved hanging around each other, and we fought CONSTANTLY over our beliefs, but it was FUN. We ended up breaking up because her family wanted her to date only hispanics, and when my family found out how she made a living, they flipped. We didn't care for a while, but you can only fly in the face of your blood kin for so long, and it soured it for us both. So we moved on. She actually works about 10 rows down from me now. But I hardly ever see her.
 
  • #15
That sucks dude. There are a few exceptions when I say blood means nothin. I have to say your circumstance would be one but you're right you can only resist for so long before they may try to make it miserable or impossible to enjoy each others company.

P.S., 1st page is well written. Many times my patience are much thinner.

Joe
 
  • #16
jimscott, yes that is the specific syndrom, but i only found aout a few years ago. before i was bounced around from one dignosis to the next, includiing ADD, and iv had some bouts with depression before.

And rampup, iv been in auite a few relationships like that where arguing is fun... there quite interesting
 
  • #17
Finch, I think you're a good egg. No pun intended. Ram...no one could pay me enough to be a mod. You do a fine job. April
 
  • #18
Thanks Aprilh.

Joe, it certainly sucked at the time, but looking back on it, I don't mind so much. I am much happier with the gorgeous Irish Italian Girl w/ Curly red hair that I ended up with. Due to the financial problems we had in our first 2 years of marriage, we have surpassed I think the '5 year hump' early. We never fight, and I adore her. So I am pretty happy witht he way things turned out.
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  • #19
Very good points for everyone to keep in mind (I'll be sure to do so myself, as always).

[b said:
Quote[/b] ] If any of you think (im not suggesting anyone does) i am tactless here, you should meet me in life (no, you shouldnt).

I don't know what it is, but something about that quote, I really like.
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--Jonathan
 
  • #20
I know you didnt name any names in your topic but i feel unfairly singled out for my 'i dont trust ozzy anyway' statement and my ensuing replysn rampup. As for thinking, i think extensivly before i post. For this example, BECAUSE the typed word is devoid of emotion i gave relyed on the silly faces
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or
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to reassure peole that i am kidding, and iv been doing it for a while. Because i do it alot i had thought people know by now that when i make statements like that i am joking, so i felt that the emoticon was nolonger nececarrey to indicate that im kiddin. it was a harsh statement.... if i had not been joking. I had guesse dpeople wouldv known that by now, but obviously thay hasnt so i had to backtracka bit to explain how they had misinterperted my statement. Since i am guilty most recently of the many things you accuse me of i feel singled out... im sorry if it makes you mad but
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if my comments make any of you angry please PM me and ill explain my toughts and feelings at the time ... just i want everyone to know that i do not have the same aptitude for the social world than all of you and the common courtesys of converation and fortought dont come naturally to me often, but i do not mean to offend
 
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