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New Grower's Troubleshooting Guide (playful tease)

Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
4,832
Step 1: Buy plant you have neither a clue about nor proper conditions for.
Step 2: Realization that after being in your care, your plant doesn’t look like (fill in blank)’s plant.
Step 3: Ask everyone on Terraforums to identify the problem, ignore search function.
Step 4: Only listen to answers you like or answers you made up your mind about already.
Step 5: Dispute advice and disregard any answer that isn’t black and white.
Step 6: Alter the parameter you now believe is causing the problem.
Step 7: Since step 6 didn't work, alter the parameter in the other direction.
Step 8: Realize that the parameter had nothing to do with the problem to begin with.
Step 9: Identify another parameter that's causing the problem.
Step 10: Repeat steps 2-9 for every conceivable parameter.
Step 11: Realization that there are no easy black and white answers and one size does not fit all.
Step 12: Multiple choice, select best answer.
a. Kill plant and blame plant and/or source you got it from
b. Give plant away and blame plant and/or source you got it from.
c. Learn how to grow plant successfully

hehehehe just having some tongue and cheek fun, we were all new once :)
 

Exo

Tastes like chicken!
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
2,895
Location
Albion, NY
Pfffffft, so true....if I had a nickle for every time I saw this happen...I'd buy a greenhouse and could skip most of those steps. :p
 
Joined
Aug 23, 2008
Messages
329
LOL I chose C! No disputing here, stands to reason that you all know more than me! I'm still kind of a noob but I have 5 years experience under my belt now :) I definitely forget to use the search function though lol!
 

amphirion

i dont do pots.
Joined
Oct 2, 2009
Messages
3,530
Location
SF Bay Area, US
yes......hahahaha. still do this from time to time. but in my defense, there arent many cultivation tips for the plants i work with. XD
 
Joined
Jan 5, 2005
Messages
3,252
Location
New Jersey, USA
Step 3A: Ensure that location is not listed in profile nor in post requesting help
Step 3B: Do not include pics of plants or include pics of such low quality that nothing is visibly identifiable
Step 3C: Exclude all information on growing conditions - especially hi & low temps, humidity range, type of lighting & distance to lights, media composition & watering regimen
 

DJ57

I am a CPaholic...
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Moderator
Joined
Oct 16, 2011
Messages
1,758
Location
Near Portland, Oregon
OMG, he is talking about me on half those things, :blush: Gotta find that search button...and then use it.

Yes, most of us were new once and have been there, done that. Well done Butch!
 
Joined
Nov 7, 2011
Messages
1,192
Location
Ontario, Canada
Awesome Av! I'm happy I came to TF with a bit of knowledge, otherwise everyone would see me as the noob I am!

Ron, the photo thing, that is so true!

"I took photo, but with potato camra, so bad, si this plant want?"
 
Joined
May 13, 2012
Messages
590
Location
Burlingame, CA
Nice list, Av, it's amazing how true all of that is now that I think bout it. Need to find that search button! :D

Ron, the photo thing, that is so true!

"I took photo, but with potato camra, so bad, si this plant want?"

Haha, or something like "identify this plant" with a blurry picture of one leaf of a nepenthes without pitchers...
 

Foxoftherose

Thread Reaper
Joined
Jun 11, 2011
Messages
107
Location
North Alabama, USA
So true! I've been on a bunch of reptile forums recently, and it's insane how well this fits in regard to herps! I believe I'll cross post this, if you don't mind.
 
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
4,832
So true! I've been on a bunch of reptile forums recently, and it's insane how well this fits in regard to herps! I believe I'll cross post this, if you don't mind.

Go right ahead, I "borrowed" the idea from a similar list I saw on an aquarium forum....

and I really like Ron's additions...

I think most of us see some of ourselves in this list... I know I do :)
 
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