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Parents, please don't do this!
- Thread starter Ant
- Start date
I don't llike the obsession with early achievement, whether it's college classes in high school, travel sports in Jr. High or nine-year olds getting black belts. And I really hate the focus on grades of people who were only learning to read and count a few years earlier. That's crazy.
I wish my daughter (15) would get better grades in high school, but my grades were worse. It took until my third year of college before I made an A there but, within a year of that, I made a 4.0 with 20 hours of advanced engineering and geology classes while working part-time. Something clicked after I turned 20. It clicks for some people when they're 5, but a lot of them stagnate before they hit 30.
Some people mature fast and some do it slow. Slow seems to run in my family. My father didn't do well in high school and bounced back and forth between college and work. He finally finished his degree in night school when he was 30 and I was 5. Both of us got masters degrees in our 40s and I started another last year that I hope to finish at 50. So don't sweat the grades so much.
I wish my daughter (15) would get better grades in high school, but my grades were worse. It took until my third year of college before I made an A there but, within a year of that, I made a 4.0 with 20 hours of advanced engineering and geology classes while working part-time. Something clicked after I turned 20. It clicks for some people when they're 5, but a lot of them stagnate before they hit 30.
Some people mature fast and some do it slow. Slow seems to run in my family. My father didn't do well in high school and bounced back and forth between college and work. He finally finished his degree in night school when he was 30 and I was 5. Both of us got masters degrees in our 40s and I started another last year that I hope to finish at 50. So don't sweat the grades so much.
Nepfreak
Nepenthesian
I usually get grades between 91 and 95... striving for the A range rather than A-. Punch me! I almost think it would be worth the worse grades to do less work. If you grounded me, nothing would happen. All I do anyway is stare at plants, do 3+ hours of homework, surf terrraforums, and practice my instrument. Social isolation, oh boy! The only time I really get out is on Friday nights to go play at football games (in the band, of course 
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Ant
Your one and only pest!
Your now honestly insulting me? You really need to learn to keep from insulting people if your trying to make a point. NO ONE will pay attention to someone going on about how retarded people think this way and the people who do think that way won't care about your points.
Ant aint my fault if i write one thing and you think i said something else....i said in my SECOND POST that i was concerned about quarter grades and wasnt concerned about one failed test cause everyone has a bad day now and then.......
Bruce.....aint so focused on the grades themselves but the fact they help her form good study habits.....if she wasnt as bright as she is i would adjust my "policies" to fit the situation.....but she is fully capable of getting all A's.......but if she gets all B's she wont be punished......if she gets all A's she has been told she will be handed $100 for her efforts.....she takes her sports more serious than anything.....just trying to make sure she puts studies ahead of the sports......only way to do that is that she knows she needs to preform academically if she wants to do extracurriculars.............
Bruce.....aint so focused on the grades themselves but the fact they help her form good study habits.....if she wasnt as bright as she is i would adjust my "policies" to fit the situation.....but she is fully capable of getting all A's.......but if she gets all B's she wont be punished......if she gets all A's she has been told she will be handed $100 for her efforts.....she takes her sports more serious than anything.....just trying to make sure she puts studies ahead of the sports......only way to do that is that she knows she needs to preform academically if she wants to do extracurriculars.............
Ant
Your one and only pest!
That isn't my point, I get what you mean know and if it is under a week I feel its fine. I am saying that you shouldn't insult people you are trying to make a point to. If I got a D on my report card I would practically start crying. (well not really, I would more likely become REALLY stressed). Do you ground them if they get a D in say math or do you mean their collective average? (not that is makes a difference)
Ant
Your one and only pest!
What are you talking about?
Maybe this will help you understand what I said.
I agree with your method: Okay, I misread your post and If they get a D they are grounded.
Question asked: Do you ground them if the quarter grade in 1 class is a D or the collective average of their classes
New Point: You won't convince someone that you are right if you insult them while making your points.
I don't understand what your point is about quarter grades.
Maybe this will help you understand what I said.
I agree with your method: Okay, I misread your post and If they get a D they are grounded.
Question asked: Do you ground them if the quarter grade in 1 class is a D or the collective average of their classes
New Point: You won't convince someone that you are right if you insult them while making your points.
I don't understand what your point is about quarter grades.
People in MA & MT don't really occupy the same planet and why should we expect them to be able to communicate? This is fun.
seedjar
Let's positive thinking!
At least two members of my graduating class fall under that category, as well as one of my professors here at school, I believe. It happens.
I think that rattler's method, if stated bluntly, is fairly reasonable. I'm sure that if grades became a chronic problem you would address the causes before resorting to months or years of arbitrary grounding. There's a difference between punishing poor study habits and neglecting your child's education. A lot of misunderstanding happens because most kids don't appreciate that parents often take a firm stance but still have best interests at heart; grounding is a steep penalty, but grades are a good metric to evaluate school performance, and in my experience with today's nothing-you-do-is-wrong educational attitude you only need drive and basic understanding to net B's. Sometimes parents get carried away with punishments - unless you come from a house with more than ten children, they usually don't have a lot of practice deciding fair penalties for raising a kid your age. But rarely do they do it out of spite or neglectfully. Unhappy kids are not fun to care for.
I'm considered to be smart, and I know a number of people that would say more of me, but I totally crashed and burned all through middle and high school. To a large extent, it was out of my control (dealing with a laundry list of health issues) but some of it had to do with poor study habits and a lack of motivation. My parents did punish me for certain bad grades, but they were also aware that my frequent illness was a part of the problem and always kept in touch with my teachers so they could tell the difference. I think that's the same case here.
As for your parents, Ant, I think they're full of bull and probably were just venting at you out of stress. I'm sure they're really happy about having such a bright kid. In all likelihood, they're too stressed about what they might be doing wrong as parents to notice that they didn't give you a pat on the back. Most parents I've met go really nuts over their kids. It's like the crazy cat lady syndrome, only silent and deeply ingrained in parental instincts.
~Joe
You know what ALMOST worked for me? Treating my schoolwork like a job. Every 'A' earned 2X, B earned x, C earned zip, and I got docked for anything less.
Never got docked!
But my biggest problem was motivation. I just DID NOT CARE. I paid attention when I was interested, and skated by when I wasn't.
How the heck to you create a feeling of caring where one doesn't exist to begin with?
All the threat/reward scenarios don't usually work with me, since I simply didn't care one way or the other. Money was nice, but not having it was no skin off my nose....
But, on another note, WAY TO GO, ANT!
Great grades, man!
Never got docked!
But my biggest problem was motivation. I just DID NOT CARE. I paid attention when I was interested, and skated by when I wasn't.
How the heck to you create a feeling of caring where one doesn't exist to begin with?
All the threat/reward scenarios don't usually work with me, since I simply didn't care one way or the other. Money was nice, but not having it was no skin off my nose....
But, on another note, WAY TO GO, ANT!
Great grades, man!
First of all, kids do get all A s in high school occasionally. One recently graduated senior from my school did, and at my school it is an extremely difficult feat.
Secondly, I agree with rattler mt. In fourth grade I hit a definite slump. My parents were understanding but firm. Certain activities were cancelled, and, retrospectively, I can't complain as I am now a senior at Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology (rated number 1 high school in the US by US News and World Reports). Also, from experience as a math tutor, I can say that students who ask for and listen to advice can succeed in school every time.
Brian
Secondly, I agree with rattler mt. In fourth grade I hit a definite slump. My parents were understanding but firm. Certain activities were cancelled, and, retrospectively, I can't complain as I am now a senior at Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology (rated number 1 high school in the US by US News and World Reports). Also, from experience as a math tutor, I can say that students who ask for and listen to advice can succeed in school every time.
Brian
BigCarnivourKid
It's been one of dem days
Now to add salt to the wound. I take my daughter out for filet mignon when she brings home those grades. She has to have all A's or no lower than a B in one class. If there's two B's then it's a hamburger at the local restaurant...maybe. Keep in mind I only have one child. That sort of reward/punishment system would make larger families broke in short order.Ugh, so I came home with my FIRST progress report from my high school. I got 6 A's and 1 B in my 7 classes. I am taking an honors science class (not the B) and showed it to my parents. They read my grades put it down picked up my brother's and spent the next half hour yelling at him and all his C's and D's, and congratulated him on his 1 A. Then my parents had the nerve to yell at ME about my 85 and never said a word about my other 6 A's!!!!!What makes my A's worthless!
Sorry about the rant...
My daughter has on occasion brought home bad grades (C's and D's). She's a smart kid and we know she is capable of doing better. We expect her to do her best and she knows that. As far as disciplining her, so far, chewing her out for slacking off and restricting her from the internet until her homework is finished is the most we've had to do. This won't work for every kid out there. A lot of you guys would blow this off as no big deal. Every household has a different approach and as long as it is applied consistently and fairly, that's what matters.
